Thursday, December 27, 2007

The dust in your eyes is just your ashes in the wind

Let's play hide and seek
chained to the bedpost and drowning in white linen seas
no one will ever find our bodies
or the messages we cast out in bottles
you whisper something quiet and sweet that I can't catch
you're so far on the other side of the bed
I just mouth back that I love you
and you seem satisfied

and they don't care a bit
they don't care a bit

Let's try to find the hider
let's discover what has been covered up
by blankets and lies
darling, pull me closer
fuse us together so we never have to let go
and are closer forever than the tightest hug
Our bodies overlapping and minds interweaving
Our age of innocence just beginning to fall
the busy streets of life just starting to weary us
so young
Run your fingers down my back and wake me up as you put me to sleep
The question occurs if my father ever felt like this
felt this
How many felt this kind of touch before
How many were stroked by their lover early in the morning with the shades down
and how many realized what they were feeling
and how many refused to believe it, and ended up not caring one bit

0000003.

I thought I could make it on my own
But all I could do was head back home
the same old place i'd tried to burn right down
I think maybe I'm a little bit jealous
of people who don't matter any more and memories without me in them
life tarnishes your heart until you can't bring yourself to use it
then it breaks, and you go on for a little while without life
trying to figure out how to make things whole

i think that Maybe over time we can figure out how to do both
Forgive and Forget
or at the very least forgive the deeds we've done to each other
Before we forget who did them

I have to confess, somedays I confess
and spill out my sins to nothing but air
just vomit myself out into a vacuum
They can't forgive you or acknowledge you at all
Just suck you in and make you feel small
grind you down until you feel like you're not really anything at all

I need some more time to figure out how to run out of time and feel good about it
I need to feel good about it
I need it

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Coming up with titles for these things is really hard

i have a question for everyone who has an answer
tell me how i can deal with this
tell me how i can hold back my anger
tell me how i can kill the tension
the phone calls and the arguments
the long drives home just to explain

and i have another question when you're done pondering the first
how do i keep myself under control
how do i hold back from making more regrets
how do i prove to myself that i know what's right and who i am
and where we belong
and for just how long

I feel like I have to explain something to you
I'm not really intolerant
And I'm not really an ass
I'm just one confused mess
Who you get to see at his worst and best
And who wants to get home for the holidays
and wants to be all alone
and wants someone to tell him how sick he is so he'll know how to get better

Saturday, December 15, 2007

The dew on the grass looked like diamonds in the moonlight, and we both knew they'd never break.

Wake up darling
I think I hear something outside
It's the sound of the stars singing
and the sound of hearts breaking
and love making
And broken streetlights flickering
sometimes the difference between sight and sound escapes me

Babe let's run away to a city undersea
let's go somewhere where we could never be
like on the surface of the moon, or the jungles of Africa
or the top of a mountain where the air is hard to breathe
How about we show them that love is still oft seen
how about we take a picture and develop the photograph of our dream

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Lullaby

Come sleep with me/Come dream with me/Come lock your heart away/Turn out the lights lighting up your mind/And pull the blinds out on the day/And we can sleep/And we can dream/And we can try to find/The particle of truth that lies/Somewhere deep inside

And restlessly turning/Silently lying/Your arm across me, my face next yours/Our sleep and our dreams open no doors/But we wait in the dark till the sky starts to fall/And we'll try hard to notice anything at all/A little glimmer of light/A harmonic of sound/A vague breath of air/The feel of the ground

And the dirt inbetween our toes/And the stuff that we all know we don't know/We'll sleep and we'll dream and we'll start to cry/Because we now know now, now we know why

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Red-Light Love Letter

Darling I have to admit
My will and goodness are shit
I cannot do the right thing, I fail when I don't
expect to stray at all

what can be the heart of love
when it fails me occasionally?
styro-foam or dead autumn leaves?
maybe a broken eggshell, or an eulogy
something found amongst the dark

This is an apology to the person I love the most
but also to the rest of you
I wish I could say that I'll show you the way
but I'm just lost as well
just wandering wondering looking around
trying to discover the good in the sound
of my feet crunching through frozen dirt
and your heart beating through the hurt
if i could make this all make sense i would
you know that as well as i do

But it doesn't make sense, and neither do i
when the things I love force me to cry
it Isn't supposed to be hard like this
I'm not supposed to imagine anyone else's kiss
so make my thoughts come out right
drag them into the Day and out of the Night
try to inject some static into this show
try to show me where i should be, and who i should go

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Sleep slow soft

I can feel the chemicals rising
hormones floating to my brain
feeling on top of the world
and you

let's pretend this will never end
this high on love, this grey black dove
this gift that isn't given, just born with

and we sit around and discover our potential
tell me I mean as much to you as you do to me
let's prove it incorrect that we're our own greatest enemy

and wake up and discover it was all a dream
alone in our heads
asleep in our beds
a puppet show that fell in love
nothing matters much to your best friends
and you realize it suddenly and hit restart again

Thursday, December 06, 2007

The greatest theft.

the Colours around us are soft and dreamlike
and the air is warm
the stars are out floating in the sky, and fireflies flutter around through the air
Maybe this is where I forget who i am
tonight we'll be protected by the world
Mother Nature and God the Father have to have some sentimentality in their hearts
They just have to keep us safe for tonight
in a place where we can pretend nothing matters
Except each other

And the sound of your breath and its warmth on my cheek
and the taste of your mouth and the touch of your fingers on my back

Let's go to sleep in the grass, and wake up when it starts to rain
And run inside and warm up and dry off by the fire
Somewhere out there is God, we'll find him together

you can almost hear the chorus of angels in the chirping of crickets
And smell the freshness of new life in the scent of the pine trees

Please take me away from life and from pain
Take me away from the madness and feelings I can't explain
tie me up and steal me away
Snatch me from my family and friends
till we die in our arms paradise won't end

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I smashed my radio when it wouldn't turn off, but the music still kept playing.

If God left us alone with photographs of him
some would say they were fake and some would kill their own kin
Some would hold true and believe they were real
most would let the wounds bleed and not cared if they healed

If I could convince myself to step up to the stage
and turn on the mic and lift it to my lips
I would tell you all you're shameful liars
and to pack away the garbage you've been speaking
trash and filth pushing past your lips
Lock your secrets back up in the case where they belong
don't tell me I'm not right when I know that I'm not wrong

It gets so hard to take the pressure and the stress
i'm so sick to death of this multi-layered mess
Have you seen my lover? she said she'd meet me here
and come back to take away the pain
or at least let me forget again

I swear I'll love you more if you'll reject me less
And I promise I'll forgive you if you admit that there's a mistake
A tear in the fabric of your warm soft reality
that shows it's stuffed with snow; the stitches are just icicles.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Wake me up just to tell me you love me and I won't count lost sleep as a bad thing.

You're the one who's bleeding
But I still can't help feeling pain
It shoots through me and rips me apart
Pressure builds in my head and makes the tear ducts start
to give up the watery jewels they hide

When you wake up ill all alone and shaking
You've no idea how close my heart is to breaking
It's shuddering, muttering, but no one can see
How the damage done to you damages me
I just want to tell them it hurts
And somebody please give you some pills
That will do something this time

Do something that will save you
And keep meaning in the dance the stars make over our heads

Give love meaning besides itself
Nurse you back to a comfortable health

I need strength to get through my days
And you need it to give to me
But I swear on my blood that pumps through my veins
Someday we'll be far away and free
In each other's arms, alone and happy
Like on a desert island, just you and me

[i can feel the sand brushing up against my body
and the tropical sunlight warm on my skin
and your hair trailing over me as you kiss my face...]

Monday, November 26, 2007

The Lake of Tears is in Northern Wisconsin

Can you tell me why you have been so sad?
Can you tell me why your hair isn't brushed and your plants aren't watered
Why the paper hasn't been brought in for the last five days
And why I see no light in your dull blank gaze
Can you tell me why you have been so very sad?

'i feel an overwhelming desire not to be here
an unfulfillable wish to be in better times
when the snow came down cool and thick
and God was close by
in the air i breathed
and the thoughts i thought
in everything i felt and saw'
Can you tell me why the tears no longer come?
'i have no more left to cry'
Can you explain to me why you lack the courage to die?
'death isn't courage, it's just a mistake
living is good until you die, then it's just like falling in love for the first time'
Can you tell me why you live under rainclouds and in the spaces between dead leaves on your lawn?
'my darling, you died
stop asking me questions, i cried
and now i'm living for those days in your car
when i drove all day
and you drove all night
and we spent our time searching for the place where they keep the better life
now i've realized the search was it all along'
Can you tell me why you have been so sad?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Limbo

Apparently I have a very good life
and I guess I wouldn't dispute that
but I can't say the same for my self and my soul
and my mind and my heart and my head
Because my days are filled with little things
No big disasters, just tiny misfortunes
That wear away at my mood and my mind
and make me lose my place in time

they're the reason I don't get out of bed
and the reason for the headache spiraling through my head
the letters with words that look flat and dead
but at least I have a chest under my bed

That gives me hope and strength

There's nothing in it that would save the day
and nothing to keep me warm on cold winter nights
Nothing to make me feel any more at home
But pictures of you and strands of your hair
and pieces of clothing that still barely smell of you
They keep part of my heart out of the hurt
and back in the past when we would lie awake all night
and look at the patterns of light on the ceiling, and pretend they meant something
And only we knew what they meant

Silent voices and quiet silences
and the sound of our fingertips telling each other we love the other

The little things still get me down; you always said I was bad at dealing
And the world in general keeps me from healing
But that doesn't mean I can't live with hurt
Memories of us keep it from getting worse

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Poem about Things

Life is better than you think it is, and yours is worse than it seems
The poor are the happy when they're not freezing and starving
and the rich and the famous are the tortured and sleepless
when they wake up to what they've done and who they are

I don't think the smell of flowers can save me when it's snowing in my soul
and out on the city streets
Someone out there is wandering through the snow
Wishing there was a home waiting somewhere
I'd give my home to all of them if I knew who I was

[their bodies are broken and so is my mind
broken and breaking, shattering and flying apart
they need a roof over their heads and i need a hand over my heart]

If you think your scars are bad
We can debate and compare
You'll look at my mind and I'll look at your back
We'll make sure that Christmas isn't a deathday
For the homeless, sick and poor
We'll stave off the pain for a few more hours until the wetness from our tears becomes dry

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Wishlist

i wish i could open my arms
wide enough to clutch the whole earth to my chest
and i wish i could open my heart
big enough to give a home to everyone who needs it

if only i could expand my sight
far enough to see everything there is
i think that could broaden my mind
great enough to imagine a world with everything at peace
and just exactly how to get there

if i could perk up my ears
good enough to hear every laugh and sob throughout this tragic sphere
i think i could remember them, and match a laugh to every tear

sorrow is only two letters away from sorry
and a world away from joy
but depending on if the glass is half empty or half full
you can turn sorrow into joy or flowers into dirt
a flood into a painting or mix it with the tears of a dying man

i wish i could liven my tongue
enough that it would never be still
and always moving, always speaking
telling the sad people to keep on moving
that there's sunshine around the corner
and life around the block
but it lies dull and mute inside my mouth

someday i'll be able to make myself as free as life
and as far spread as the ocean and the air combined
so no one will cry themselves to sleep with no one to tuck them in at night

Monday, November 05, 2007

A little chat about life and things

maybe tonight we can pretend life was really a fairytale up till now
what do you say to tonight my baby
'cause it's our very first night together as a couple that's married
so tell me that you're all mine now
and tell me that i'm yours just as much as you belong to me
the touch of your hand on my cheek and the taste of your mouth just has to mean something
mean something more than i think it does
let's screw up one more time and see if we've really made as many mistakes as we've said we have

the priest is standing in front of the altar
and now it looks like so are we
it's hard to believe right now if the moment we've been hoping for since we met
but we just said 'i do' and it looks like i won the bet i made against life
that happiness can come more than just once
and we can have as many perfect days as there are in a year

let's get this right this time
let's make believe that there's nothing else in the world besides you and me

[actually, this time
there isn't
it's just you and me together
and time and the world have no place with us]

Sunday, November 04, 2007

There's an unlabeled up/down button in this elevator, and I have this feeling it's a metaphor for life

i'd like to give a thank you to everyone who's ever spat in my face
or pushed me down into the mud
and i'd like to welcome every moment that's made me want to change the past
or erase it all outright

you've all made me the person that i am
so every threatening knife was held in an open hand
and all the sadness in the world has made me the happiest man in the land

i'm just trying to make sense out of all this
trying to turn a reversal of fortune into a reason for happiness
and be the way i wanted to be when i had first packed my bags and set out on this journey

Monday, October 29, 2007

Detachment

the scalpel separates my heart from my chest
the surgeon pulls it out through a hole cut in my breast
but i don't bleed
and i won't cry
i'll look death in the face
but i won't die

my lungs deflate
i can breath for once
but my soul i can tell is what the reaper hunts
but i won't let him
and no matter how hard he tries
i'll stare death down
i'll refuse to die

i'll wake up then
in a hospital room
and read the words traced on my arm
by a delicate blade that did no harm
it says 'love hurts
love bleeds
love seeks out lovers
they're what it needs'
i'll clench my fist
and groan in pain
as my stomach is gripped by pain again

'love hurts
love bleeds
lovers might hurt
they might bleed
but still they need
a hand to squeeze during darkest night
someone to tell them they'll be alright
and show them that the morning light
will come with time
it will come with time'

Sunday, October 28, 2007

A [very sappy] Poem.

some people said that God is a fraud
or a dirty old man who likes to see us hurt
and some people say that the point of life
is to end up buried in the dirt
with no soul or spirit, just decaying tissue
inert

well, i say that if it's all about sex in the end
then we should all just go get laid right now
and when we're done lift a gun to our brow
and end it before we have a chance to hurt
because there's no point getting hurt if our only repayment is the dark

thank God i don't see the world that way
thank the Lord i think there's a reason for the day
life is better when death only cuts open the body
and lets out the soul
for when you peel the flesh away, each person then is a little more whole
until our Father puts them back together again
point at wars and death, i'll still say He's our friend

and how can you say there's no point to life
when you look at the love between a husband and wife
who were really meant for each other
and no other
just each other

a rhyming poem is a crappy medium
to explain myself and why i feel this way
intoxicated with emotion, i can only jot down poems and wait for the day
that my waiting will be justified
and my longing will be satisfied
and i will take you deep inside
and never let you go

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Free

too tired to make any promises
but i swear that i'll think of you all night
i'll keep you in my head til morning
and murmur your name instead of cursing the too early light

and we're free as birds that are locked in a cage
free as two tigers in a zoo
free as the wind that can't make it into space
free as an ocean painted blue

i'll love you til the sands of time blow away
i'll still love you at the end of the next line
if you touch me at all i'll collapse in your arms
i really think that right now that'd be fine

we're free as the water that's froze in a pipe
as free as a couple eloping from life
who haven't yet come of age

as free as a tree in the path of axes
as free as a man with nothing to do but die
i'm caged in this life but my freedom increases
when i'm holding you close
and staring into your eye

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Experimenting

which came first, the heartbreak or the heart attack
which came second, the chicken or the egg
who killed the professor, and with what in which room
why is my head so full of mysteries and questions
they won't leave me alone, even though i know they're trivial and pointless
and irrelevant to my situation
i don't even know what it is any more

is a sacrifice love or is it just self inflicted pain
is alcohol a drink or just a drinkable poison
am i a person you can trust or just one you can trust to be untrustworthy
is love the miracle drug or is it the miracle that breaks past drugs

Monday, October 22, 2007

The emo poem.

another day is just another trip through the mud
another piece of daylight with which to write emo poems
all about lonely children looking for their homes
looking for a hero, and looking for their hearts
looking for something that will put them back together after being blown apart
by the natural explosiveness of life

another love is just another hammer that breaks
something else to smash my heart to pieces with
breaking is easy if it's all that you do
i broke myself with an education, religion and video games
and now you
breaking is fun if you get a kick out of being blue

another depression is just a mood swing that doesn't come up
just another one of those ups and downs of life that turns out to only be a down
it's part of all the pressures and part of all the fears
an ingredient in pain and a spice in stress
the background to your life, behind the happiness and color
drop every bad moment in your life and make the impression upon yourself
it's a good thing after all

that message works wherever you want, if you push it in hard enough

Friday, October 19, 2007

Poem for Someone

looking at me right in the eyes
as we're running away from everything that we held dear and held us down
she asks me if i really think we have that much of a future together
i reply, look at the sky
look at the open road in front of us
forget about the past, that's becoming steadily behind us

yes, i'm so sure it's true that the world was made for me and you
and that we can go where we want, from the dark of the ocean
to high in the atmosphere
we'll walk and swim and fly wherever we want to go
and everyone will know
that we're no longer the same

and we'll never be the same again
til death do us part, and break our one heart
til we let go even though we're holding hands
if the rest of the world that we can't see
decides it's time to go
we'll make the journey together
or wait until we can

"i love you"
and i swear for once that's true

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

I'm the dirt inbetween your toes...

there's a million reasons for everything to turn out right
and a life and a world and a universe that simply doesn't care
but i still believe in a world just past my senses
a walk around a dark corner into what you think is there
and i still believe in love
and i still believe in you
i'll always believe in truth, even if i can't tell what's true

have you read the story God wrote about us?
i haven't either
but i heard it's a thriller
a drama and a romance
a suspense and a mystery
but the biggest one is how it's gonna end

and this might be a blow
but i can't promise anything
just give you my word that i will do the best i can
in this ever changing world
i can be the walking stick you support yourself with
be the dirt underneath your feet
and while i can't say i'll never break upon a stone
or collapse under your feet
i swear i'll do my best to hold fast
to hold fast for you

[And I will only lie down
by the fire with you, my love
I will only lie down with you]

Italicized life

i'm feeling like the victim of a train-hit-and-run
staring aimlessly in wonder into the rainbow-tinged sun
you want to fall in love? no
you want to fall in real love
true love
the kind that hurts the worst when it's taken away

i'm feeling like the victim of having her taken away
like the hero of a story that's unfortunately gone awry
like maybe the author wasn't quite awake
and stupidly wrote in a bad mistake

i'm feeling like a druggie when he realizes he's stoned
and behind the wheel
with no time to heal
and his love's life in his hands
and the backseat of the car

Sunday, October 07, 2007

It's cold, but my blood is boiling

someday i'm going to burn this town down
right down to the ground
and hope it takes my old life with it too
because what i'm doing is just walking toward my breaking point
and every step takes me a little farther from you

i've tried and tried and tried and tried and failed to see the point
in what i'm doing here
every single heartbeat just shakes my life a little farther apart
every single breath just pushes at my sanity
and it's such a beautiful day, not quite the kind for a mental breakdown
it's cool and the air is crisp
the sky is bluer than i've ever seen it before
and i can't stand it, i'm closing the door
and drawing the blinds so i won't see it anymore

but you call me up
and plead with me
i guess i might be alright
if you'd come over and spend the night
and tell me i'm okay
and it'll all turn out good in the end
that's what i need to hear the most, you know

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Eden and Us

Earlier this night I took my dog for a run/walk. We ran for a while, then turned around and walked home. As it was already a warm night, I was fairly hot and sweaty when we got back home. I opened up the gate into the backyard, and we walked around the perimeter. When we got to the other side of the house, I stopped for a moment at the fan for the air conditioner. I put my head over it and let it blow warm air into my face for a few moments. Then, looking around, I took off my shirt and hopped up onto the air conditioner. It was a beautiful night, and the stars were shining brightly compared to what they usually are in the city. I let the air play around me, drying and wiping away the sweat and easing my tiredness.

I think this is something everyone can relate to. Some deep part of them is still lonely for Eden, for a world free from harm, where it's possible to walk naked without either emotional or physical protection or armor, and still be unhurt. Just imagine it...a place where it was possible to live the world with all of your senses and all of your emotions. No car exhaust or concrete to numb the senses, no hate or hostility to numb the emotions. Being free to live in the moment, to experience and taste everything without fear of making a mistake and venturing where you should not go. Is this what we gave up for the knowledge of good and evil? Did we really sacrifice Eden for the chance to make it on our own, to make our own mistakes?

If we are God's children, was that our teenage years? Or were they even only the pre-teen rumblings, the beginnings of testings of authority? Perhaps that was even as little as the crawling of a one year old where its parent had firmly told it "No, Do Not Go There".

The quest for maturity is not meaningless. If the human race does not grow, flourish and mature as individuals, how can it as a whole? Are we really trying to be the best we can be, or are we content with being slightly better than we strictly need to be? Somehow, a global collapse into anarchy and indulgence instantly appears repugnant. On the other hand, it is barely possible to visualize a world that thinks clearly, without infighting and hostility. Still...one of these must be a goal to aim for, and it only remains up to each person to decide which they will personally try to attain.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Together, the word "future" is irrelevant

{I wrote this for Maggie <3}

if you feel like an adventure
i'd suggest you come with me
we could sleep out in the countryside
and bath in the morning dew
walking down a lonely road with my guitar on my back
and your hand in mine
if heaven and hell decide that it's time to collect their dues
we'll hide out under a tree
until God sends all his angels after us
and play hide and seek

if i ever decide to go back and finish school
you can tell me about your day
and i'll sing you a song about mine
with our worn-out clothes in a worn-down house
and my pick striking rusty strings
i'll try to tell you just how i feel
and maybe strike a chord from deep inside your soul
and we can play out a song of how it's supposed to be

you
& me

Monday, October 01, 2007

I'm protecting my protector, who in turn protects me...

oh, how cruel
are these unbreakable rules
that say i cannot cross the distance between us in a way
that'd only take a second
barely any time at all
'till i was snug up close beside you
and we were leaning on the wall
pretending the world just didn't matter
but then again it didn't to us
i can't believe it's true you love me
i haven't known the truth too much

but now you're here, and i have no fear
because your heart is pumping fire in my chest
no longer afraid of walking into the dark
or into the light
or into death, or into a fight
because my body is being moved by your heart
it now is sacred; nothing can rip or tear it apart

Friday, September 28, 2007

"No, really, I am trying to make this work"

now i sort of hate to say this but you look like a slut
but why are you sad? did that hurt too much?
i don't want to hurt you but i hate to lie
i don't want to leave anyone questioning what i've said once i die
so forget all the that i said that started with "i try"
when all's said and done it was probably a lie

but the night sky is so bright
and the stars are shining down
kind of makes me forget what's going on around me
if you want me to, i can tell you a truth
or i can make myself useful and help you out

[you're all that's standing between my happiness
and a total lack of expectations for myself]

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Everything else is just distracting us from us

i had the same dream i always do last night
except this time i was awake
and it was really happening
i have to tell you all, my dear dear friends
even if your hope is past the expiration date
don't give up, just reach out to the sky
because dreams can never die
they just fall asleep

and here we are, you and me
waiting for our hearts to beat, and life to start
lying in the dark
my darling, it's an adventure
(i can't tell you how much i'm enjoying this)
my sweetheart, it's an adventure
(i never want to let go of your hand)
i can almost feel your heart about to beat, your breath about to begin
(my sunshine in a dark room.
we're an adventure)

Monday, September 24, 2007

Hotel de heartbreak

i have to say
i think this is the best time of my life
but i'm not sure, i've never been awake like this before

and you showed up at my back door last night
and i let you in because you said you needed a place to stay
don't you know, i think i would have let you in anyway

and this is the best time of my life
you can see it in my eyes in the photographs you took
that i've never been awake before

we played scrabble until the early morning hours
when you said you needed to go to sleep; you had a job in the morning
i made a bed up on the couch, and told you to go into my room and sleep there
i never went to sleep, i just got up and made you breakfast

is this the best time of your life?
i'm sure it's the best part of mine
i don't think it was ever possible to see my heart beating by looking in my eyes before

please come back, i'm waiting here for you
i'm leaving my back door unlocked
the key to my heart is under the mat

[and that was the best time in my life
when i woke up and it felt alright
to be making breakfast for someone else
and having morning conversation in the house
so please come back, i'm still waiting
just passing the time keeping memories from degrading]

Friday, September 21, 2007

I can't tell the difference between "best friend" and "girl friend" any more..

i can't say no and i can't say yes
you're the focus of my gravity and life
and it's throwing me out of orbit, making me a mess
so i'll just say
"i want to touch your skin
i want to say i care
i want to let you know that i don't want to leave you alone
i want to be the light in your darkness
the fuel keeping your fire burning
the guide who carries the torch"

and i know it's late and i should be getting to bed
but i can't sleep with you in my head
you know i can't sleep with you in my head (and you like that don't you?)

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Poem for a friend.

honey, i have something to say
when i was a young boy i rode away
riding my bike, to catch a sunset one night
but it died before i caught it, and i rode home again
and when i was a little older
i lived my life looking for a sunset in human form
for a pretty girl like you
but none of them were right

but then you found me

so open the windows and turn out the lights
and let the night come in
we're just waiting here for life to catch up to us
hold my hand and never let go

[i'm afraid, i'm afraid to say
but as long as you never leave me
my fear has no reason to stay]

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Life isn't easy. Unquote.

can you see this mask i am wearing?
can you tell it's a latex version of your face?
do you like what you see?
do you see you in me?
do you like what you see?

and last night in bed my wife told me that when i die
she'd like my skull to keep on a shelf
and i said that was fine with me
i won't be using it for a while anyway
and it'll look good if she polishes daily
maybe even almost pretty

yesterday in work
my boss said to me
"steve, my life isn't easy
no, it isn't easy to be me"
we meditated on this a moment, i said, "sir, i'm sure you're right"
then he left the building, and i saw him drive away in his ferrari
and as i drove away in my uncle's breaking down cadillac
i thought, you know, i think i prefer being me

[photographs, photo-halfs
and the guard didn't take my i.d.
and he refused to let me through
if i manage to catch a plane, maybe i can get to you
it's not hard to be me, but it's sure not easy]

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The forecast said there was a storm coming, then you pulled in the driveway.

loving you is like pulling my own teeth
and once i pop one out, i just can't stop
till the blood is dripping out of my mouth
and remember whatever i said to you that night
i probably only meant it halfway
and i don't even remember if that's half good or half bad

nobody likes a change of mind
and no one likes a fool
well i'm both of those
so ((me + dislike*2) + me) is the equation
if i tried i could prove it true, even though i'm not sure what rule to use

i've always wanted to believe in stories
i've always wanted to believe that if it's true on your side
then it has to work out on her's
but i didn't realize stories aren't guarantees
they're more or less just lies and fakes

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Happy birthday, i already ate your cake

now i'm a scummy man who can't sleep a blink
but as the ladies on the corner know, i can't help but wink
and there's a dream just 'round the corner
and a headache in my ear
i wish i was on the highway
i wish you were here

i feel like i'm mailing you postcards
from the other side of the room
you think that bananas are funny
and giggle at the word "womb"
(wombat)

and i heard my ex telling you that i change when the sun goes down
when the lights turn off, and heads whirl around
i heard her telling you not to trust me with your life
or your wallet or your keys
and not to give in if i come crawling on bending knees
well don't listen to her honey, she's just bitter
and doesn't know what hit her
and still doesn't realize she broke up with me, not the other way around

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

"Arg, this is so complicated"

i dropped the egg timer of fate
and now i'm slipping on the sands of time
that are spread all over my kitchen floor
this is a complicated, not very clear way of saying
i fess up, i messed up, i have regrets too you know
my apologies to you if you have grievances against me
but look, i'm sweeping up all the sand
and dumping it outside
tossing my problems where they deserve to go
i'm not impressed by them; no, i'm not scared
i don't know what you've heard, but it probably wasn't what i've been telling myself

"you're tall, you're tall
you have good hair, well fitting underwear
you're lucky in this life, who wouldn't want to be you?"
besides me, right?

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Ever get the feeling you're stuck in the backseat of your own life?

no. it's. okay
i understand you didn't do it for the blood or the fame
but it was my life, and it was getting better than it had ever been before
and i've forgiven you as best i ever will
so don't try hitting me up with apologies
because the northern lights are shining
and our backseat night is almost ending
let's make this feel so right that it stops being wrong

and would it hurt so much to come clean?
lying to me is like lying to yourself
if you're doing that you're weaker than i ever thought
where's the girl i found inside
underneath the headaches and the crossed lines
the person who was surprised she'd even tried

let's make this happen just one last time
then we can forget about each other after we say goodbye

Friday, September 07, 2007

You think it's really just suspicion that tells you everything was said without you?

i can't believe you still believe in love
i know i stopped a long time ago
life is easier on your own
life is harder when you try to build your own home
life is just weird when i look at my reflection in the leaf-full pond
and realize it was you i was missing for the last 10 years

well, just forget about me changing my mind
i did that too much before i grew up
and set myself in stone (so no one could hurt me any more)
if you complain that i never let my guard down
it's just 'cause i've never liked getting stabbed in the back
by the person who was watching me while i slept
that just isn't how i want to live
not at all

[you make me feel so small
it's like you're taking away the best part of me
and putting it into your life
let me go let me go let me go
just give up, let me go
let me go let me go]

You think it's really just suspicion that tells you everything was said without you?

i can't believe you still believe in love
i know i stopped a long time ago
life is easier on your own
life is harder when you try to build your own home
life is just weird when i look at my reflection in the leaf-full pond
and realize it was you i was missing for the last 10 years

well, just forget about me changing my mind
i did that too much before i grew up
and set myself in stone (so no one could hurt me any more)
if you complain that i never let my guard down
it's just 'cause i've never liked getting stabbed in the back
by the person who was watching me while i slept
that just isn't how i want to live
not at all

[you make me feel so small
it's like you're taking away the best part of me
and putting it into your life
let me go let me go let me go
just give up, let me go
let me go let me go]

Thursday, September 06, 2007

This is a song that i sing, i've just forgotten the tune and most of the words..

right now both our lives are pretty well messed up
so why don't you give me love
and some fascination or addiction
something to keep me moving for
i've been alone before
i've been alone most of the time
i'm never going back there
open up your door, i'm coming in

there has to be some way of getting away from myself
because i have irrational fears
like the fear of school spirit, and the fear of teenagers
and everything connected with the worst (and most formative)
years of my life
i just don't fit in and i guess i never did
because who else would spare a mosquito if it hadn't bitten you?
i guess these examples don't make any sense
but i still have these feeling that i'm so far away from my homeland
and all my life i've roamed
far from home (all alone)

[and even though it was a mistake
i loved you first
though it was not my place
the scars on my heart from youthful hurt
are not something time can erase
...but that's okay by me]

Monday, September 03, 2007

Tell me that you don't care, 'cause i don't

forgive me for saying this
but you guys were my worst friends
old buddies, almost enemies
if you want me to forgive you, you should show me why it'd be worth it
good-byes are something i make sure not to regret
(but here you come telling me i should ours...)

welcome to your summer of memories
and things you wish you could forget
remembrances better left deleted
friends that left you for better things and paper wings
who didn't know if you were happy or dead
do you remember them with your heart or just your head?

Friday, August 31, 2007

Accidents happen, like me

i'm just a little queasy
i'm just way too cool
i think i might be in trouble
but i think that's better than hope

maybe this was a mistake
maybe i forgot what i was just saying
the prayer i was just praying, or the breath i was just taking
the love i was just creating, or the heart i was just breaking
i can't remember anything lately
i think...i don't know
please, officer, don't ask any more questions
just let me go

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Do i look emo to you?

i'm running so fast i might get away
i might crash right through the "the end." that i can see coming up so soon
not soon enough, for us
i just wish you'd remembered, you're not the only one
in this relationship
you're not the captain and all the crew
on this ship
but i'm inviting you to try and read my heart
and tell me where we should go

so excuse me, if i ask you to take your hands off the wheel
i have a talent for reading maps and following directions
but you don't work that way
and i don't want this to happen this way
(the way it's already turning out)

don't tell me it gets easier when you fall in love
because it's like quicksand; the harder you try to get out of it
the more it sucks
and the deeper you fall
it's so easy to notice the bad, and the good is too easy
too easy to forget

come on, make your decision
there isn't a right one you can make, so just hurry up
'cause it doesn't really matter
whichever way you throw my life off track is fine by me
i'm almost sure i don't want you as an enemy
but with you it always goes too far

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Another poem about Fall and Time and Love and crap like that

i'm gonna confess, i don't know how to manage my life
and i have no idea who has the trademark on my mind
but i have a feeling it isn't me
is it you dad?
is it the baron of inconsistency
or the enemy of decency

now let's not pretend we don't know where this is going
right toward a messy collision
how come having fun is such a headache?
and how come it's so hard to have
or keep
this sucks
what's holding it all together?
it's not me, that's for sure

sometime after she saw through all the lies i'd said
(which, funnily enough i thought were true)
and i watched the sunset from a support underneath the bridge
i realized that too much time had passed
and the tree we'd carved our names into had died at last
like everything comes to pass...
i won't see you later, but i had a blast

as the goodbyes linger
upon the crisping autumn air
i can't forget the taste of time gone by
or the color, the feel, the scent of her hair

Monday, August 27, 2007

Late nights spent on a poem-site

oops, i think i might have done the same old thing again
blown up in the face of water
and the only person who could put me up and out
if i can get out of this town before that happens again
i just might be okay

how do you keep all your friends?
how do you afford all the expenses
that come with being a nice guy and always happy
like inside jokes and showing up on time
like saying her poem is fine, even though she has no idea how to rhyme
remember me?
that kid that blew you off when you tried to be friends
that was just another episode in the Season Two (that never seems to end)

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Lies and cries (that's you)

what are you doing
lies can't teach me how to live
nor breaches of trust, or punches to the face
i have some news for you
my love died today
just went and up and blew its brains out into the bay
now the body is all that's left now
begging for everything, especially tickets for a train
to make it out of this city of pain
or just a ride over to your apartment to talk things out

actually, i just want you to get off of my case
i don't know if i can do it by myself
but i don't have any friends to help me
i'll just bite my lip and black my eyes
press the eject button and blast off to paradise

"but you can't make this go away, detective"
don't you tell me how to live

Good morning! here's phone so you can call in sick!

i can't remember falling asleep
so i'm not sure if i'm really waking up
or if that was just another sleepless night

my spine is bent, my neck is crooked
as the clock ticks on, i want my mom
or somebody to tell me it's okay

but i have to get up by myself
dim apartment, aching head
pressure pounding; am I dead?

or just making my way like i do every day
simultaneously everywhere and nowhere

living far too far past the point of

Friday, August 24, 2007

Everything's messed up, but everything's alright

you were my sweetest mistake
my favorite downfall
the sweet smelling emotional suicide
the best way to break my heart

but will i ever mention you?
when i talk about the people who were dear to me
i loved you, but that was a long time ago
before i went to bed and went to sleep
to dream and pretend i wasn't hurt
by the words i couldn't get out of my head
you were my greatest downfall
the biggest mistake i was ever glad to make
the only thing upon which i could break

will i wake to see the light
will i find that it's still night
will i cry when i remember what happened
do i have any reason to cry at all
do you?
the stars are brighter than i ever knew they were
burning through the sky
the moon is a pale imitation of a heart
illuminating the lonely road i'm on

i guess it was the same one all along

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Da na na na

somedays i don't feel like dancing
those days i just smile and try to stay in time
i cannot believe them when they say i'll be okay
someone i trusted in tells me that it'll come out okay
okay, okay, okay, i've had enough with okay
i'm not feeling okay, i don't want it to be okay
just forget it. i don't care about it
i don't even know what the "it" we're talking about is
but i'm willing to bet i don't care

i just lost a bet
because i do care
i care about all the children growing up in broken homes
i care about all the withered trees without any water
about the fish in the sea
the birds in the sky
and you and i and myself and why do you wear sweaters no matter the weather?
she's a girl from the wrong side of the train tracks
growing up inbetween the huge homes and rich girls
who couldn't say they love you because they don't really care

Poets don't know it's all a game...

have you had dreams you'd care to forget?
i've had hallucinations that make me feel like-
probably because I'm afraid of the dark
and afraid of being alone
and afraid of damn near anything
like the silhouette in the doorway
that i can't quite make out
maybe that's a dream too (i hope)

you get used to the nightmares after a while
well, of course you would, they're happening to me
anyway, it's a lifetime guarantee
that i don't really know and probably won't find
exactly what i've always wanted

give me something that i need
satisfaction or at least something that won't bleed
kiss me right where it hurts
devastating the only hope that i was using
the hope that i could teach myself not to feel
to never love, hate, cry or laugh for any reason
truely. i guess i was lost. without a warning sound

Monday, August 20, 2007

I'm so cool, it's like my heart's frozen.

i'm sitting here drafting a new version of my heart
because my love emailed me a letterbomb and blew the old one all apart
i'm still tripping over broken bits and memories
when i toss them in the furnace i get bloodstains on my hands
maybe i'm supposed to be missing you
maybe i'm supposed to be a lot of things
like fidelity and honesty
and chivalry and love
and love
and love

i don't know how to tell you that i wished we were friends
or at least lovers
back-seat-kissers
(maybe this is a joke)
(maybe i don't care that this isn't something to joke about)
i've never been able to stop laughing
i made a joke about 9/11 after it happened
i was unused to tragedy
i've wised up good now
and am on close terms with a sense of doom
and hugs that bleed all over your clothes
and i've finally figured out that friends you can count on
and lovers you can count on to stab you in the back

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I Was Only Loaning You Everything I Ever Did

Every single kiss I gave to every single girl
All alone under the starry night sky
I take them all back, because now I know
This is where I belong, here where I am
Every single kind word, whispered in a lover's ear
I'm taking them all back, because it's impossible to live
Or breath, if I know you're still counting them as true
Just give back all the rings, and all the pretty things
I bought every one of you
Give me back the memories, so I can burn them all
I know where I am is where I'm supposed to be
So don't fight, don't fool around, don't question me
You're too blinded by your happy endings to see that I'm right

I Can't Think Of Any Reasons For You To Get Out Of My Life, But I Guess You Did

I can see that you've lost me
I haven't heard from you in what seems like weeks
(You said you'd call every day
That you'd never leave or go away)
Well what's this? it's your absence
It hurts, even though it makes me come alive
Or dead, by now I can't really tell the difference

Even if you don't call tomorrow
And your letters never arrive
Even if my inbox is always empty
And I never hear from you again
I'll still be looking for a reason not to give up hope
And I'll never lose it, that reason is you

(It's another night spent under a bridge
Looking at where we carved our names into a tree
Reliving all the places where we were once alive
I can't tell anymore if I'm drowning in my love for you
Or just drowning in a lack of getting it back)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

A Starry Night, In Blue

It's kinda sad, and a little upsetting
Knowing that no matter when I check
She won't be there
2 AM, and my inbox is empty
Like it was yesterday, and will be tomorrow
Even if I could make the stars fall
And kill the day with a word
I don't think I could find you
I've lost you too many times

As the computer starts to shut down
The darkness aches into my eyes
My apartment's shut up in shadow
Looking out the window, I see that half the city can't sleep
Who are you? sleepless people
Why are you still awake?
Are you trying to remember who you had
And what you did
Memories are good, it's true
But photographs are better, you can burn them if you need to

It's been such a long time now, I guess you're not coming home
But I'm still waiting to talk to you again
Maybe it's pathetic to still be waiting after 5 years
And even more after 17
But let me tell you, after a while
You get beyond frustration
And just start to fade away
Girl, I'll always still love you
I'll never go away

Monday, July 23, 2007

I see your face all through every day, and i can't remember your name, but we're happy so it's all okay

"There's five reasons why you saw me standing outside your window last night
But I can't remember any of them except for "I love you"
That's the excuse that I feel I can trust
I just don't know if I can trust who I'm excusing myself from"


i wrote that poem a long time ago
and for some stupid reason i copied it down onto the back of a photograph of us
hidden in the back of a set of drawers your aunt gave us
who thought we'd grow up and make memories
like the ones we recall these days
you and me, and the rest of the gang
running loose through the night
the joy and freedom was contagious
like a disease that uprooted you from your roots
and sent you tumbling through the air
who would have thought it
you landed next to me
all worn out and out of breath
you landed next to me

Sunday, July 22, 2007

I'm Leaving Home In Three Weeks, And You're Deciding To Come Back In 4

I've heard God has a plan for everything
And I have a feeling that that's true
I just have to say, I hope the one that says "everything dies"
Doesn't apply to you
Because to me, that'd be way too cruel
To take what makes life worth living
And hiding it in death
What would happen to the happiness?
The innocence it held?
The world that used to be held so calmly in her hands

And the reason that these words come so easy
Is because fear of loneliness is one of the fears I find so hard to face
Offer whatever help you can, I'll take what I can get
And leave what I can't forget

But what about the plans that we had...?
And how you had said you were so glad to hold me in your arms once more
Good bye isn't what I want to hear
Even though it's what's sticking to our lips
And what we need to say
I guess it's time to go

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Can You Hear The Revolution?

Life is unpredictable, even in the best of times
But in the end it always turns out right
I hope you had a good time in your life

Because the sun is baking my face
Staring down on this miserable place
Hot in the sun, I'm coming undone
Or at least the buttons to my shirt are
Believe me, I've done this all before
The tired, baggy eyes
The messed up, fumbled lies
It's something I've seen happen so many times
Where love is the biggest of all bombs
And you have to be sure to stand back and cover your eyes when it detonates

Although, if you're asking for reasons why I shouldn't
Nothing comes to mind
I'm a good boy-rebel, I'm pretty much a saint
I've got a lot saved up in the karma bank, and for spending it, well
I don't want to wait
I want to sing a melody, a changing of our lives
A defeating of the old guard, and the baptising of the new
Living with out warning or boredom; I am, how about you?

Friday, July 13, 2007

And You Gave Up On Me Anyway

I take pills even though they're not what I need
All the warnings and alerts I'm too tired to heed
From my head to my stomach, I'm sick and on the run
Sometimes it just hurts so much
I have to sit, and dream alone

And the sunset is sinking in the sky
I'm feeling like I'm watching some small, vital part of me die
Like my heart, or something else I keep inside
Maybe my soul is coming apart
Splitting into two
Can that happen? are the stories true?

Keep me safe, inside your heart
Don't let the world tear me apart
Sacrifice yourself to keep me alive
Because throughout all the crowded rooms there isn't anyone who cares
Or would listen to my pleas, concealed inside whispered dares

Well, now I'm on the borderline
Of insanity and my mind
Who can fix what's broken inside?
My shattered heart is slowly beating
Up against my broken ribs
My tattered lungs are sorely breathing
My eyes feel like they're being pushed out from inside
And my ears are buzzing

Is this what love feels like?
Am I really happy?
I don't know, and I don't care
Just somebody help me
Somebody help me

(warning; I am not actually depressed, just in a slightly bad mood/listening to emo music)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Like A Book Left In The Rain, Erasing Before Its Eyes (That's You & I)

She is one extraordinary girl
And she hurts and breaks his world
He heard her crying out for someone to save her
But she pushed him away, saying
"No, you're not the guy I want
He's over there; see him?"
Well, he doesn't know quite what he's found
And she doesn't really know what she's turning down

Oh, and he
He's an ordinary boy
Or so he seems to everyone
Except himself, inside
He's hiding something big, but he doesn't
Actually know what he hides
A perfect kiss, on her perfect lips
The perfect thing to stop a heart's apocalypse

She left him alone again
Sometimes he gets so sick of crying
And lying that he's okay, and she doesn't have to call
Every single night. he gets to the point where
He almost feels like dying
And thinking that starts off the crying
Because she left him alone again
The extraordinary girl and the ordinary boy
Who's just trying to make himself worthy;
It's a difficult ploy.

But on the other hand, she has no idea she's such an extraordinary girl
In the eyes of the ordinary boy
She leaves him alone, so she can wipe the tears from her eyes
And pretend she was never crying
They don't see what they need is each other
Well, she doesn't see, and he won't say
What's in their hearts and minds
This ordinary boy and extraordinary girl

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Not Titled Yet...

Alright, so...
Maybe I am crazy.
Maybe we're both crazy, or we're just falling behind
On our plan on how to break out of this no-star town
What happened to those good old days? when we didn't know "love" meant
And the stars never refused to shine
What's going on? when I wake up what will I find?

You're the teenage queen and the chosen one
I'm the desperate hero with the loaded gun
And we're both just trying to hold on for as long as we can
Before they take back all the hopes we had borrowed that night
(That was so long ago, I can barely remember)

But wait!
It was 1993, and you and me
We were at a party, it was a summer Tuesday night
And with the stars overhead and my hand in yours
I could have sworn everything was gonna come out right
And maybe it was just the light, but your eyes went on for infinity
And they stabbed right through me
I guess it hurt, but still; ecstasy

And even though it's been so long
When I read the words you write at night
Shivers slide down my spine

Monday, July 09, 2007

This Isn't An Epic, I Just Don't Know When To End Things

Dearly beloved, are you listening?
My heart is hurting me, I can barely say a thing
I wish I could help you now, I've done it before
But it's tough when I'm living at death's door

And right now I'm the center of attention
You're the core of what's wrong with me
A melody that's too addictive
I can't stop humming it to take time to live

Oh, my darling, tell me you're listening
I have a feel this is the last song I'll sing
Please, save me honey
Kiss me and tell me you won't let me go
I have a hunch death is something love can help me avoid

Okay, forget this, no one's listening
There are no hands waving in the air, cause no one seems to care
That I'm shouting my heart out, and shredding my soul
Just to make an impression and capture hearts

Ahhh, never mind
I know that there's someone listening
And hanging onto every word
I wonder which ones she's heard?
(Have you been there all the time?)

I guess it's time I get my heart attack fixed
It'll just take a kiss upside the head
Or a smack right on the lips
I've been so happy so see you here with me
Tell it to me again girl; what's your name?

I read poetry hidden in the graffiti
Inside the bathroom stall
Signs and sighs are the same thing more often than people realize
And I don't care, no I don't care
I don't care, (so I tell myself)
You don't care, no you don't care
You don't care (that's what I tell myself)

Sometimes I feel so full of it
All the crap that's supposed to be creativity

**********

Dearly beloved, I hope you're listening
'Cause I've meant you to hear this song
And like it a whole lot
Is there some kind of beacon, a rallying point
We can try to avoid?
Something that'll turn them off but switch us on
Something that looks like "run, run away"
But really says "come, come and stay"
I'm glad that you're in the audience
Taking in my words, listening
Heck, I've been singing this all for you

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Inbetween Summer, Love, Music and Life, There's No Way Innocence Can Last

Look baby, here comes the rain again
Drenching me in all my fear and pain
Maybe, baby, we could just go to sleep right here
And it'll be warm and dry when we awake
Then we'll know who we really are

Summer has come again
And finally killed my innocence at last
How did this all come to pass?
How could I let everything happen
Inspite of all my fears?
Is it just an unstoppable change
A signal of the years?

I love you girl
And for what you're worth
You're worth it, however short a while
You're worth a sea of gold or a forest of diamonds
If it's just one night or an eternity of days
If it all works out, will we watch our lives on a screen
And never once cringe, or feel a single thing?

Would you listen all night long
To the ravings of a poet or a genius?
I have a feeling you would if it was me
If you felt like raving, I'd let you too
And we could pretend to be crazy at two in the morning
Staying crazy all night until the sun comes up
And having a lazy day
Appreciating who we are
And what we're doing here

Like all things come to pass
I'll wait until you give in at last
Just wake me up before my freedom ends
Because while I'd love to be here so we can pick up on this whenever you choose
Time will move on, and I can't get left behind
You're not the only thing I love
But one of them I love the dearest
Time is jerk, and moves too fast
I think my love could last
What about yours? do you think you could drag it out
So we could see how far we get?

How should I end this?
Is the right ending "summer came and summer passed
and took love right with it
It ended before it ever began"?
Or maybe
"Summer came and summer passed
She woke me up before Fall had a chance to end"
Here comes the rain again
Falling from my eyes
The innocence dies from all the pain
Of feeling what it wasn't meant to feel
Just wake me up before my life ends
I'm giving you years to come
So just wake me up, give me a nudge
And tell me to come out

(Here comes the stars again
Shining from your eyes
Overloading my memory
Resetting it so I don't remember what I've lost)

Monday, July 02, 2007

My Life, I Guess

To Guy's best girl:
It's a good time every time you come around
And I think about what I've found
A place of my own, my pad, my home
And friends and crap like that to fill it with
It's a life, and it's a good one
Now I'm just wondering if you'll come around to my side
Instead of just my apartment

To Guy's best friend:

Well, the streets light up at night
And the music sounds alright
At 3 am, you and me jamming and making songs come out right
I just wish she'd come around
And see what I can do
If I picked my best friend right now, that'd be you
But she'd be even better, cause you're a guy
And man's best friend is either a dog or a woman
Because another guy will drink all his beer
I'm living and I'm moving for a better life
Even though where I am is alright

To anyone who'll listen:
I wonder what'll happen next time she comes around

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Another Poem For Whomever Reads It And Takes It To Heart

I didn't think love was supposed to be like this
I thought that it was only a kiss
Can you still look at me the same way now?
I'm trying to look at you like I did before
But I don't know how
'Cause I can't get that night out of my mind

I say "maybe we could stay together if we just stay friends"
You say "don't you know when you fall in love the friendship ends?"
I don't know if that's true, I have a feeling it might be
So I'll try and take in all I can
Before we disappear

And now it's been two weeks since you last talked to me
And I'm confused on which you are, best friend, lover or arch enemy
Oh, and which you've labelled me
(Because here I am
Waiting to cool your fevered brow
And take your pale thin hand)
You're something precious I can't replace
Just try to find something that works almost as well
I can't breath unless you're breathing with me

Life is an adventure and I'm adventuring for sure
The question is, am I doing it alone
Or are you doing it with me?
(Will I live my life at home
Or out under the stars?
Do you want to sleep by the fire
Or roam, not knowing how far?)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

You Can't Go Back (And Find Everything Intact)

“Twelve years,” he thought to himself, “Twelve long years since I left home.” He stood on the deck of the ship, turning this over in his mind. Maxwell Luthor VanVendrig was standing on the deck of the ship destined to bring him back to the home he had abandoned long ago. Twelve years ago he had fled the small town in which he had grown up in, secretly joining the crew of a hauling ship. He had let a few of his closest friends know the time he was leaving, and as the ship had pulled away from the dock they ran after it, crying out various farewells. “Goodbye Max! Have an adventure!” “You bastard! Running away without taking me with!” “Stay safe, and don’t forget us!” “I haven’t forgotten you,” he mused. “Especially not you…” Lena McCorskova. One of the local girls, and if not the prettiest or best dancer, doubtlessly the most artfully inclined. She was always making sketches of whatever happened to be about in her notebook, and writing small couplets as captions beneath them. And that was only one of her intriguing qualities in the eyes of Maxwell. She had long hair that looked black, but if you looked closely was simply an extremely dark brown. Under certain light it was possible to detect a sheen of red permeating through it. Her eyes were hard, and oddly colored, with a watery green that sparked with many colors when she was excited or angry. Her skin was milky white, burning light pink in the summer. Some of the other boys said that she looked strange, but Max always beat them until they changed their opinion, or at least learned to hide it. He thought the combination of her features and the light, flowery dresses that she was always wearing made her seem exotic and supernatural, like an elf that had decided to take up life among humans.
“Yes, it has been a long time,” he murmured. “But now I’ll see you again, and how much all of you have changed.” The island was coming up, and he returned to his cabin to finish packing up his few belongings. Some clean, practical and thoroughly without airs clothes, a pair of dark leather boots, a journal, the hunting knife his old captain had given him when he had left his service, and a copy of the Bible, blessed by the priest of his old parish. This was all his worldy possessions, not including a fairly heavy bag of money that was hanging from his belt. A member of the crew called out that they had reached land, and he straighted up, and walked through the corridors up to the deck of the ship.
Looking out at the dock, he saw that his letter had arrived in time, and he had a greeting party. John MacCutcheon, Phineas Franklin, and Gerry Ladlen; his best pals in the world when he had left. And down the road came Lena, walking onto the dock as the boat was made fast by the crew. She looked almost completely the same as he remembered her, except maybe a bit taller and more slender. A slight thinning of the face, which only improved her beauty, he thought to himself. And then it hit him, in strong, unquenchable waves, like the ones washing in from the sea. He had missed her. More than anything else. He knew what the feeling deep inside him that he had lived with for years was now. He finally recognized it for what it was, namely, a deep, aching loneliness. More accurately, the absence of Lena McCorskova in his life. And now he had her, and he was finally going to be content. He laughed out loud and barged down the ramp like a drunken man, staggering with the shifting of the boat and the ruckus in his heart.
He clasped hands and then embraced in a bear hug each of his old friends. Then he came to Lena. His eyes swiftly ran down her face and her body, and then they moved into a close, strong hug. As they parted, he noticed a glint of gold on her finger. He stared at it, as it revealed itself to be a ring. John lifted up his hand, laughing as he showed off his own matching ring, and stated, “Married last August! What a surprise, eh? That she chose an old ruffian like me.”
For a couple seconds, no one moved. Then he replied, slowly and carefully, “Well. That is a surprise. I had no idea. Congratulations.” They closed in around him, and the group began to walk up towards the town.
That night, there was a returning party at the MacCutcheon home. Many old friends had gathered once they heard the news, and at eleven o’clock the party had still not even begun to break up. However, Max took his chance to have a few private words with Lena once most of the others had started to feel the effects of the beer that had been consumed all evening, and they slipped out into the night. He asked, “Mind if we walk while we talk?” She nodded, and they went out onto a path leading into the woods that started at the back of their property.
They walked in silence for a while, and then Maxwell began to speak. He had some difficulty finding what words he wanted, though, and just choked out some garbled words. He was trying to form his thoughts into coherent words, when Lena spoke up. “Max…Please don’t say ‘I love you’ because if you do, that will make everything I’ve done be pointless, useless, and impossible to take back. I’ve married, made a name for myself under his name, and begun to really live life. And if you say you love me, that will turn all my plans upside down and then I have no idea what I’d do.” “But Lena…” he murmured, “That’s all that I can think of to say…”
He grabbed her in a tight embrace, kissed her on the lips, she returned it for a moment, then broke away sobbing. She started to run, losing her shoes in a mad dash to stay ahead of him. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the darkness. He chased her through the forest, and then they broke out into a field. There was a ring of stones standing in the middle, and a hole leading down into the earth at a slope. She dashed through the ring, and swiftly ran down into the hole. He followed a couple seconds behind. Once inside the hole, he witnessed her beating on a stone table, crying out “Father! Mother! Please! Let me come back to the fold! I realize now this was a mistake! I am not meant for life among mortals, for love! Please, let me return!” Her hair was flying about like in a high wind, and her eyes were sparking brighter than he had ever seen them before. When nothing happened, and she saw that he had followed her down into the cave, she cried out and pushed past him, knocking him into the wall. He recovered, and raced out to follow her.
As they reached the other side of the field, he became aware of a dull roaring. The Great Drain, the waterfall which all the mountain streams gathered to supply. They drew closer and closer, until she was standing on a large stone at the edge of the river. “Please, Lena…just come with me, we can try to make it alright,” he begged. “No! No! Stay away!” she shouted to make herself heard over the roar of the waterfall. “Stay back! Don’t come any closer!” she cried as she shuffled backward to match his forward pace. “I don’t want-“ Her words were cut off as she slipped on the wet rock, and fell into the river. He lunged forward, grabbed at her hand, pulled it out of the water and saw that he was gripping a branch. He looked down the river, saw her floating for one last second, then she went over the waterfall. Though he knew he was too late to save her, he jumped in after her anyway.

I Need It So Badly (Makes You Want To Laugh Out Loud At The Look On My Face When I Get It)

I'm wondering if you're like me
Do you spend your nights and warm summer days
Wondering why you stopped caring?
I think I know why, it's because we don't have a drug
Something to take away the sting of life
And when we can't feel that sting anymore
We know we've gone too far
I have no idea where I am, or how I got here
But I don't like it, so let me go

Question for everyone who has a little light shining inside
I think I turned mine off a long time ago
Is there any way I can get it back on?
Because there's bullets in my soul
And sadness in my heart
It's bad news but true, the combination of the two
Is tearing my mind apart
I need to tell someone, "just let me go" but I don't know who
Freedom could be what I need, I have no idea
I've never been free

Give me a drug
Give me some love
Give me a life
My hands are weak, my body is shaking
I don't know if I could stand being happy
But that's what I need, so give it to me
Let me find some new blood
Let my heart beat something other than me
If you don't to do this for me, leave
Cause I can't stand it if I can't have you
And you stay

Maybe on my own I'll feel like I'm free
(But every time I try that, someone ends up caging me)

Monday, June 25, 2007

Give Me A Hug, Sing Me A Song, Rock Me All Night, All Night Long

It's taken me so long to do this
I don't know if I'm awake, I can't even see straight
My heart's beating like a snare drum
Crashing and smashing through my thoughts
I feel nothing, even worse than numb
I'm so afraid that you might go

How am I supposed to do this?
What am I supposed to do?
I don't think life without you is something I can go through
The coffin is standing in the other room
I can smell the flowers from here
I know we only live for a short while
Is it too much to ask to see how quickly I can make it go?

So now I'm walking into the next room
Your family doesn't know who I am
I don't care, I'm cold inside for protection
You look so innocent, so young
So dead. where am I supposed to go now?
What am I supposed to do?
There was a time when life itself was nothing
Compared to what I felt for you
But now you're gone and I'm all alone
I don't know what to do
I'm so tired...is there any way I can follow you?

My lips touch your brow, and my tears start to fall
I stumble away, reach out and grab the wall
The gun is in my pocket, I could end it now
But I can't, I can't, I don't want to
Still, it hurts, and how...
I slide down, sobbing on the floor
My stomach is in pain, I'm curled in a wretched u-shape
I lived for you, now what do I do?
Do you really want me to see this through?
I breathed in time with your breath, lived inside your heartbeat
I'm all alone now
I have to keep living...but what can I do?
How on earth can I live without you?
I can't end my life, so I'll just fade away
A shadow of a man, dying in obscurity
Because then I'll be living again (when I'm dead, up there with you)

I don't know how to do this
I don't even know exactly what I'm supposed to do
But I guess I have no choice, I'm gonna see this through (for you)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Vampires Don't Bleed

I’m scared. John’s been gone for almost 15 minutes, probably. And I’m scared. He gave me a knife, and told me to be careful and quiet, and leave our hiding spot and try to get out of this dumb old castle if he wasn’t back in 15 minutes. I’m sure it’s been maybe almost that long, but I don’t want to leave. What if he comes back, and I’m gone? Or maybe he might need help, and I leave the wrong way and don’t find him, or just wait here while he’s lying out there dying…No. I have to do what he said. I wish we hadn’t come here, but we did, and now I should listen to what he said, because after all, he’s older, and smarter, and he loves me. I just know he does, because he said so, and I could tell he meant it. “Mary, you mean so much to me…I love you.” That’s what he said. And I’ll have to trust him.
Though I really wish we hadn’t come out here to the castle. I mean, it’s so creepy. I’ve never even been here during the day, and it must be close to midnight by now.
I guess it’s been 15 minutes by now…Okay, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna leave, and have his knife close beside me, and I’m gonna sneak out of here, all careful and silent, and I’ll meet him back at his car, and he’ll take me home and I’ll kiss him outside before I sneak back inside the house and go to bed. Yes, that’s exactly what’ll happen…Okay, here’s the door…Alright, now, down the hallway…turn left, another left, a right, through the room with the suit of armor, a left in this hallway, what was that? I swear, I thought I saw something white at the end of the hallway…No, there’s nothing there. Wow, this is just so creepy…I wish he hadn’t gone. I need him. But he said not to call out for him, so I won’t. I’ll pretend I’m not scared, and just remember I have his knife with me, and I can protect myself, and I’ll make it out of here okay, and meet him by the car. Okay, I can handle this…
Down the stairs…open the door. OKAY, I KNOW I SAW SOMETHING WHITE! Okay, okay, calm down…It was probably a bird, or a shadow or something…Moonlight, that’s what I bet it was. Just some moonlight that happened to get in through a hole in the wall or something. Walk across the creepy hall, peer around the door just to make sure OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE. Okay, okay, okay, calm down, I have his knife, I’ll be okay, this stuff doesn’t happen in real life, it’ll all turn out okay, I’ll just quick cross the hallway, the guy was turned the other way, he won’t see me, I’ll be quiet and quick, and I’ll be out of here and he’ll never know anyone was here. Oh no…Maybe he got John? No…No, that can’t be…but it probably is…I know, I’ll get out of here, get to the car, and if he isn’t there I’ll run down to the village and get the police, they’ll come up here and they can chase off this tramp or whoever it is and find John and everything will be okay. It’ll all be okay…
Alright, now, peer around the corner, yep, still there, okay, tighten my grip on the knife, dash across the hallway, oh no, I made some noise, just run, he won’t catch me, oh no, he is he is he is he’s coming up behind me okay when he gets close I’ll turn around and just stab him with the knife and run okay yeah HERE HE IS…
Oh my god, I just stabbed him right in the heart…he’s staggering backward, and the knife is stuck in him…He looks young…or old…neither, I guess, I don’t know…But he’s so pale…and his clothes are all white, and OH MY GOD, he’s pulling the knife out, and laughing, HE’S LAUGHING, THERE’S NO BLOOD? HOW CAN THERE BE NO BLOOD! I HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE HEART, I…Oh no, he’s saying something…what is it…”Little darling…didn’t you know? Vampires don’t bleed…”

Life Is What They Call It When Bad Things Happen To Good People

When you wake up
Do you feel like taking a chance or do you know you'll be happy enough with him?
Maybe falling in love was an accident, but
I'm still trying
To be more like him
So I can be better for you
I'm still trying, and I wonder what you said last night
Said last night to him

When I wake up
I feel like taking my chances on
The wild hope that somehow life will turn around
And maybe someday I'll hear the sound
Of you saying "I do" next to me
Maybe I'll die young, and "we" will just remain something that could have happened
Where is your boy today
When I know you need him the most
Where is he late at night
When you're feeling cold and lost

And could I have been a hero
And could I have saved the day
All these broken promises should never have been left that way
If you promise not to hate me
I guess you're the one person who could get me found out
And exposed in all the places
Where I let everyone down

Why can you listen to me like no one else
How can I make you need me
Just as much as I need you?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Love Feels So W(St)rong, All Night Long

Every night I stay up to see another day
Hoping you'll appear and talk to me
But it didn't work tonight; it never does
And so I ascend the stairs
And wait for you there
'Cause maybe I might see you at the top of the stairs
And I could tell you how much I miss you (it's been almost two days, after all)
So now it's to the bathroom
Where I stand naked in front of the mirror
Pop off a few pushups, because everyone knows you can't be loved if you don't have muscles
If I ever think that I'm wrong, I keep on going just the same

So now I'm dressed up in pajamas, and climbing into bed
And I swear, as I lie in the dark, looking out the window
You're all that's in my head
And I can't sleep, I can't sleep
Because you're just on the other side of town
And the other side of the world
So I lie on my stomach with my arms folding around me
Or on my back, hugging my teddy bear
Watching the lights on the ceiling from the cars that go by
I wish you were lying next to me
Just so we could talk and stay up all night
Cause right now I'm a sad song, and I can't sleep

But eventually I do end up slipping off into unconciousness
And dreams result
And when I die, I watch you cry
And hold my hand as I slip away
Sometimes you die
And you can't imagine how I cry
Because it feels like someone just ripped my heart out
And threw it on the ground
...I can't put it back together

After the horror, and years spent alone
I wake up again
And watch the sun come up again
Question for you; do you sleep through the night
Without feeling a thing?
I can't ever manage that...but if I did
I think it'd maybe feel a little bit wrong
Where can I run to, and where can I hide
When I'm sleeping off the pain, and it sticks inside?

Don't ever tell me that you've never meant anything to me
Because I won't be able to express how much you're wrong.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Me/Not Me, I Hope

There's a narrow line between love and hate
But it's glaringly clear to me
It's right there, where I step over from thinking about the feel of your face
And the smell of your hair, and the look of your eyes
To what it'd feel like to be breaking you from the inside
It's been said many times that in every man is a monster
And it's the sad truth that sometimes it is let out
But that's only if I cross the line
And I know there's nothing I want (and everything I hate)
There on the other side.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I Hear They Have A Wall In China, But I Bet It Ain't As Long As Our Song (When We're Dancing All Night)

If thermometers don't lie, it was 200 degrees
On that sweet summer night, when we couldn't find anything to do at all
Personally, though, I have my doubts about the wisdom of machines
And I swear to the sky I don't know what these lines are supposed to mean
'Cause every single time I find I'm writing about love
Every single line in every single poem
They always seem to be about how I'm trying to find my own way home
Well, I mean, come on! gimme a break...
Love is great and all, but if that's all your life is, isn't that a mistake?
Or maybe it isn't, and what it's all about is what would happen if I woke up next to you
And some other little plots about rings, vows and the words "true blue"
The sun's already set, I'm sitting here typing
And I really don't know what to do

Should I put on a face? make it a bold and brave one?
Maybe these above lines are ones I should erase
Most likely they'll just make me lose face...
How come when I'm alone I feel like a stranger
In a small, friendly town
Where everyone likes you, but without someone traveling with you
It just feels temporarily wrong
Like an awkward chord change
In a remake of your favorite song

Even though I'm just a poet
Who sits up and writes all night
I'd always try to be your man
And cry out to the crowd
"Make way for the lover parade
Make way for my girl"
And they'd all part, just enough to let you through
Which would be okay, cause after all
If I got stepped on and crushed, it'd all be for you

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Give Them A Shout To Remember

All these years wasted on an telephone dial tone
Sometimes they make so much sense
And sometimes they just make me wish I had died at my childhood home
'Cause all that wasted time is part of what makes my heart roam
All alone
On the other hand, I'm probably happier than I could have ever known
(All alone)


But this isn't something I plan to let build up inside of me
All the bad feelings and perverse attractions
To things that lurk and terrorize
I'm gonna wipe my eyes and tell myself they can't harm me
And same to all the jealousy, the greed and lust
I'm gonna bundle them up tight
And let them fall away
It's hard to fight something that you can't allow to be real
So this is how I kill it, I guess
Poetry could work, God bless

I'll just give a shout they'll remember
Before I spend all my inspiration and fade into obscurity
Bad feelings work the best for making words rhyme
But if I can get rid of them, I think I'll definitely be blessed

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Sum Of Her Summer

I woke up this morning, and thought I heard summer
But it was only our neighbor mowing his lawn
I went downstairs, and could have sworn I saw summer
It just turned out to be the young, tan athlete who was delivering our paper
With a couple of his friend's following him on his route
As I walked into the kitchen, I was sure I smelled summer
But it was only lemons and sugar, as you were making lemonade
Later, riding my bike to the ice cream shop, I thought I tasted summer
But no, it was only chocolate chip mint on my tongue
And that night I loved the feel of holding you in my arms
I think that might have been summer

Yes, I'm pretty sure that was summer
(That was you)

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Excuse Me, I'm Out Chasing Cars Trying To Find Myself

Is it the heat that makes you sweat?
Was it the sun that baked you red?
Can you feel my hand hovering above your neck?
And do you like that?
Could you like that?
Or are you burning all your feelings for me
In your body's tired pain
Maybe what's going on inside your head
Is something you don't care to explain...

Life and death and love are the things on my mind
But the face of the angel floating in the wind outside my window
Is faded and lined
Again, I don't know what's going on inside
I feel like I'm deaf and blind
To everything everyone around me is trying to show or say
Sorry, guys, but I can't deal with it right now
I can't even understand you, anyway

I don't even feel the sun...
Sorry not today
Leave a message at the beep, any uplifting words I'll be sure to keep

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I'm Just A Kid. And You're Just You. And We're So Special, We Can't Control It

I'm writing this poem
Because that's what I do
And I tell you girl, I'm writing this for you
Oh, I'm just going to say it right out
Or, that was the plan
Until my mouth wouldn't work right
My jaws wouldn't close, and my tongue wouldn't go where I told it to
Oh girl, this is what you do to me
And as long as you are transfixed by my eyes
And my heart is beating in your chest
I don't think either of us will be completely free
But, in truth, it'll be easier for you to break away from me

But girl, I love you
I'd say your name, but I don't know if you want all of them to know
In fact, I don't even know if you want to know
Good lord, you're just so special
And I don't know what to say
Besides, "I think I love you
More than anyone before"
Beware, that's probably the music speaking
But oh God...my heart just stops every time

You know how to do art
I can't
But at least I can sometimes rhyme
I just wonder sometime if you'll ever frame a poem of mine
And if I'll be able to put a picture of yours on the wall

If you don't love me, then I guess we can just be friends
But if you do, or could
I'd be willing to wait forever and the obligatory day
And I think this poem wants to go on forever
I don't know what to say to you
I wonder what you want to say to me?

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Let's Call It A Draw, Because I'm Too Tired Argue That You're Right

I'm waiting
And watching
Hoping, too
And wondering if my wishes and dreams
Can, or will, come true
Because I am waiting
I think, my love, for you

But yet again the night comes
Why can't it just leave me be?
Because the sun burns my eyes
And the hot noon rain soaks me to the core
But even though I'm fitted to the night
Sleep makes me toss and turn
And wish I knew for sure that there was someone
Who just wanted to hear my voice
And know I'm alright

If you'll hear me out
I'm just gonna tell you a dream I have
I'm getting lost in the woods during winter
But I find you, and we start to find our way back
Oh, I can't tell you how I feel
These words aren't enough
I suppose all I can do
Is pray and hope that you fall in love

(I'd trade my high class life
For a true blue love
And I'd rip and tear the stars from the sky
If the only jewels you wanted
Were set in heaven above)

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Will You Come To My Funeral? (or) Are You My Friend?

Are you my friend? Are you really?

If I was lonely and bored, would you be willing to drop what you're doing and have me over? Even if you were tired, with a killer headache? Would you be okay if I saw you in a public place and snuck up behind you and gave you a big hug? Even if you were with a bunch of people I'd never met? Could you spend an hour on the phone with me and not get bored and try to ditch me? Even if I'm dead tired and lacking in all coherence? Would you lend me $10 and just let the debt slide? Even if it was for some completely useless crap from a garage sale? Would you volunteer with me for whatever, just so I'd have a friendly face to be around? Would you give me the keys to your house? Turn me away if I turned up smashed on your doorstep, or let me in and give me a place to sleep? Be there at any time to talk or just listen, whenever my heart happens to pick up another scratch or ding? Would you come to my funeral? Would you speak at it? Would you come to my wedding? Would you get plastered and slur funny comments into the video camera for us to laugh over years later? Would you consent to be my designated driver, even for the most boring and embarrassing high school reunion ever? Would you go on a cross country trip with me if I called you the day I was leaving? Would you walk to my house to lend me an umbrella during a thunderstorm if I had an errand to do, and my own umbrella was lost? Would you give me your jacket if you saw me shivering, even if it was 5 degrees below freezing and all you had on underneath was a t-shirt and jeans? Would you tell me that you're my best friend, and mean every word of it?

Am I your friend? Really?

I'd be willing to have you over, even if I was in the grip of The World's Worst Migraine. I'd hug you back, even if I was having lunch with my bosses. I'd listen to every sleep deprived word of your raving, and only laugh with you, not at you. I'd give you 2o bucks if I had them, just to help you satisfy one of your whims you ran into at an antique shop. I'd help you clean streets, even if you were just doing it as part of your community service time. I'd give you keys to my house, and the keys to my car if you wanted them. I'd give you a place to sleep, and a meal in the morning no matter what your condition, any time you showed up at my door. I'd try my best to fix every dent your heart gets hit with, no matter when you need me to help. I'd go to your funeral, and if I wasn't crying too hard, I'd get up and lie about how you had no faults whatsoever, and tell the truth about how my life was better every single minute since the moment I met you. I'd go to your wedding, drink champagne by the quart and slur my goodwishes into the video camera, for you to treasure for years to come. I'd be your designated driver even if we were going to a party at the house of a master brewer. If you called me 15 minutes before you were leaving to cross the country, I'd throw together a packback full of clothes and get someone to watch the house and be ready to go before you came to pick me up. I'd take the city bus during a hurricane if you needed someone to go out and get you groceries. And, when I'd show up soaking with a bag of cereal, fruit, beef jerky and milk outside your door, I wouldn't let a word of complaint pass my lips. I'd give you my jacket even if we were boarding a plane in Alaska in winter, if you were cold. Do I really need to tell you that you're my best friend? You're my best friend.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

You're So Far Away/I'll Pretend I'm Happy Until You Come With Me

I like it when
Our arms brush in the car
And I enjoy it when
You say, "go too far?"
And we drive a little farther
Than our gas supply can take us
And we hold off on the trek to the gas station
So you can just lie in my arms

I noticed I was in love with you quite suddenly
When I woke up one night and thought you were lying next to me
(But it was just a dream) For a moment I liked where you slept

How come whenever I find "a one"
She always says no to me?
Just give up and be nice to me
All I want to do is keep you warm in my arms
And keep you in love as long I can possibly
When I write love letters that are just tossed in the fire
They don't mean a thing
Just be my friend
Then let our friendship end
So we can fall in love
And I'm sure you could have been made for me
If it's a golden cage you're afraid of
I can promise to keep you free
(Please?)

Monday, May 28, 2007

Unfinished poem

Hearts roam far in these dark ages
While the sunlight mostly shines on the living and the dying
So can you watch the heavens for a sign from above?
Nothing is more needed than an expression of divine love
Because it's so hard to walk this life alone
And underneath the veil of an eastern lady
Shines the bright eyes of a western girl
And over us all, throughout the whole world
A song is sung as the race is being won
But by whom? that's the question

Saturday, May 26, 2007

On Sadness (or) *tear tear*

Here's a question I just have to ask; what makes things sad? I mean, not just "oh, that sucks" type sad, but like, the deep, personal type of sadness. When you're touched so deeply, in a place where your normal life never comes close to reaching, that even if what touched you is happy or good, you still become sad. It's like at the core of each of our beings is a bundle of sadness, and we don't even know it's there. But anyway, really, What makes things sad?
There are some things that will touch people repeatedly or with the same or similar reaction. Some songs will do it, (for me it's Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright) and other times it is a certain poem, or movie sequence, or picture, or something else entirely. It just has to be something that reminds us that we are alive, life is filled with pain, to feel it is normal, to not ever cry from the sheer agony of being alive is insanity, and most importantly, Love Hurts, because what we are at the core of our beings is love and sadness. When we are reached, touched deeply by something, tears (a basic signal of sadness/strong emotion) are almost always a part of the experience.
But, again, what makes things touch so many different people? There must be some kind of equal imprint upon us all, to make the same song, or poem or painting or whatever it may be have such a strong effect on thousands of us humans. I think that one of the basic ways of defining humanity must be the effect of Art. Even if computers were capable of making advanced, autonomous decisions, they wouldn't be human if they didn't cry at the sound of heartbreak, in fact, to truely be human, you must be moved. There is evidence that poetry is a natural, instinctual form of art, and this must be true. No matter how scientifically advanced a civilization is, if they are not moved by emotion at the core of their beings, they are not humanity.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The Blisters On My Feet Don't Hurt As Much As The Calluses On My Heart

Listen carefully
Just like me
As I walk down this shadowy road
I think I can hear the ticking of a broken heart
And I realize, "that's too bad" because the ticking walks with me
Oh boy, my broken heart is ticking away
Like a time bomb or a death watch
And on this lonely road it's the only sound I hear

But I can make out other people through the shadows and the fog
Even though their faces are shadowed
And they are cold to the touch
I guess I'm still alone
Walking this crowded road

And I'm still feeling unbearably alone
Even as the lights dim
And you whisper in my ear
Come on, I know that this isn't you
Because you're not the same person I wasted hours on the phone with
Or dreamt about and was the subject of the wish
That I held so dear
Just let me look past the sweat
And dark lust and desire
So I can see the girl who turned my world
And helped me figure out who I was

It's 1:00 AM and I woke up
Cause the light of the moon and the sound of the train
Reminds me I have no idea what to do
She is an absolute everything to me
But just a myth, one that keeps away the horror by being believed in
The ticking of my watch, abandoned on the floor
Starts up my heart, and I get out of bed
Get dressed
And pace back and forth in front of the door
Shall I walk that lonely road?
It's all that's left now, I suppose
And the effects of love are really more just collateral damage
From hearts seeking some little contentment
But it's a beautiful night, perfect for walking
And I don't need to talk, as I walk this dim-lit road