My Child

he is thirty feet tall with skin like black granite
blocky and huge, 40 tons heavier than i'll ever be
and he says why can you not see that you are mine
you are my child
i say that i am never, will never be his
can't you see i'm not your child?

he is carved out of stone that was quarried in my soul
and he says, why can you not tell that you are indeed mine
you are my child
i own you and hold you
and keep your head bowed down
you will love me like a father
and i cry

why must you try to lie? i am not your child
you are mine, but only of me
you are mine, my child
my burden and my gloom
you cannot use me, when i made you myself
i am you and you are i
when will you see that you, you are mine, you are my child

and he laughs, and i struggle
to accept and control what is real what is here
find the border line between the awful person i am
and the things that i fear
he says take these problems and turn them to wine
break yourself of addiction, surrender entirely
for you are mine
my child

and i know not what to say
but i am not his, he is all mine
he is mine
my child
my cursed, dark, 30 foot child
watching me with eyes of stone
holding me out of my own home

[Author's Comment; "I see my own flaws in their most vivid form as a great stone child that threatens me. The nature of certain addictions and flaws of personality is to grow to a point where they seem to be more powerful than your own personality. As in, you are a mere coating on the addiction, your personality and identity are a garnish. It is a struggle to turn your point of view from being a growth on the dark addiction, to being a real person with worth who has a growth, a tumor growing on you."]

The Stars Shine Like A Candlelight Bringing Me Home Beyond The Grid

I am a cheating lying bastard
and I feel I am happy with my life
I've made my peace with misery, we sleep together so many nights
I've fallen in love with happiness, she comes over all the others
I have done some awful things, that I hesitate to mention
I have learned to accept what has happened, I have learned to draw a line
The sky is overcast 100%
But I can see the stars
And you are a million miles away
But you've been with me all day
And together we'll sleep in separate beds
And together we'll rest our parted heads
The world will lie, but that's okay
Our truth is present in the silence that's inside of you
Inside of me, inside of you
I promise always to be true
In bright summer days
In cold winter nights so blue

"And I'm pretty sure we need this relaxation
A moment to live without this tension, not at our station
Not counting minutes, not knowing why"

she s l ee p s

she s l ee p s
sound l yy
in her so f t w a r m b e d
with my leg just-touching her's
i c a nn ot s t i r
i do n o t want 2 wakeher
i do not want to wake her

Slow Down, You Think Too Fast

last night I took a chair and sat out on the porch
and listened very carefully for the messages that the night shouts
they all told me "you aren't free"
I promised them I was, they whispered back, "you can't fool me"
I flashed on the yard light and shook my pale fist
who knew fresh air was so caustic to my ideas

and here is where my problem lies, my view's too wide, my gaze is too far
I can see the path right ahead of me, and around that corner, and over that hill
but the one I see ahead of me isn't the one I'll walk
now I see, now I can't see
and my verbosity falls on muteness, my hearing absorbs silence
the trail of my footprints making lines on inadequate

when can I dismiss the world mocking me in all its beauty and over-fatal majesty?
Gimmie a bottle so I can lose myself
Gimmie a place where my soul I can shelf
stupid awkward wording in that godforsaken line

the smell of the pain in my breath is sweeter than the sugar in all the lemon bars your grandma ever baked
happiness is transitory, depression is the pits
and f**k the world, f**k myself, beat this out, the sound of my living breath

The Author Would Like To Apologize For The Pun He Misguidedly Placed In Line #9

I got a voicemail late about 10 (ten) last night (day)
It was a girl who said her name was Ellen and she was the one to blame
that it had been all her fault and she promised never to react like that again
that I could come home, she wanted me back
and would never make me leave again

This confused my bachelor senses, at least for a minute or two
Until I realized her mistake, and gave a sad smile to whoever was looking in my kitchen window
(probably a bee or fly or insect or something, maybe a bird too)
Caller ID furnished a number, and I'd call 'er but I felt a little shy

she'd made a big, huge embarrassing mistake
and my mother's knowledge of etiquette that formed
a good deal of my inheritance had no words for this certain situation

So I took a walk through a moonlight park
and dissolved into the scenery, and walked on water
watched the pigeons proclaim their idiocy with every innocent movement
And sighed, probably at least 47 times