Thursday, July 05, 2007

Inbetween Summer, Love, Music and Life, There's No Way Innocence Can Last

Look baby, here comes the rain again
Drenching me in all my fear and pain
Maybe, baby, we could just go to sleep right here
And it'll be warm and dry when we awake
Then we'll know who we really are

Summer has come again
And finally killed my innocence at last
How did this all come to pass?
How could I let everything happen
Inspite of all my fears?
Is it just an unstoppable change
A signal of the years?

I love you girl
And for what you're worth
You're worth it, however short a while
You're worth a sea of gold or a forest of diamonds
If it's just one night or an eternity of days
If it all works out, will we watch our lives on a screen
And never once cringe, or feel a single thing?

Would you listen all night long
To the ravings of a poet or a genius?
I have a feeling you would if it was me
If you felt like raving, I'd let you too
And we could pretend to be crazy at two in the morning
Staying crazy all night until the sun comes up
And having a lazy day
Appreciating who we are
And what we're doing here

Like all things come to pass
I'll wait until you give in at last
Just wake me up before my freedom ends
Because while I'd love to be here so we can pick up on this whenever you choose
Time will move on, and I can't get left behind
You're not the only thing I love
But one of them I love the dearest
Time is jerk, and moves too fast
I think my love could last
What about yours? do you think you could drag it out
So we could see how far we get?

How should I end this?
Is the right ending "summer came and summer passed
and took love right with it
It ended before it ever began"?
Or maybe
"Summer came and summer passed
She woke me up before Fall had a chance to end"
Here comes the rain again
Falling from my eyes
The innocence dies from all the pain
Of feeling what it wasn't meant to feel
Just wake me up before my life ends
I'm giving you years to come
So just wake me up, give me a nudge
And tell me to come out

(Here comes the stars again
Shining from your eyes
Overloading my memory
Resetting it so I don't remember what I've lost)

Monday, July 02, 2007

My Life, I Guess

To Guy's best girl:
It's a good time every time you come around
And I think about what I've found
A place of my own, my pad, my home
And friends and crap like that to fill it with
It's a life, and it's a good one
Now I'm just wondering if you'll come around to my side
Instead of just my apartment

To Guy's best friend:

Well, the streets light up at night
And the music sounds alright
At 3 am, you and me jamming and making songs come out right
I just wish she'd come around
And see what I can do
If I picked my best friend right now, that'd be you
But she'd be even better, cause you're a guy
And man's best friend is either a dog or a woman
Because another guy will drink all his beer
I'm living and I'm moving for a better life
Even though where I am is alright

To anyone who'll listen:
I wonder what'll happen next time she comes around

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Another Poem For Whomever Reads It And Takes It To Heart

I didn't think love was supposed to be like this
I thought that it was only a kiss
Can you still look at me the same way now?
I'm trying to look at you like I did before
But I don't know how
'Cause I can't get that night out of my mind

I say "maybe we could stay together if we just stay friends"
You say "don't you know when you fall in love the friendship ends?"
I don't know if that's true, I have a feeling it might be
So I'll try and take in all I can
Before we disappear

And now it's been two weeks since you last talked to me
And I'm confused on which you are, best friend, lover or arch enemy
Oh, and which you've labelled me
(Because here I am
Waiting to cool your fevered brow
And take your pale thin hand)
You're something precious I can't replace
Just try to find something that works almost as well
I can't breath unless you're breathing with me

Life is an adventure and I'm adventuring for sure
The question is, am I doing it alone
Or are you doing it with me?
(Will I live my life at home
Or out under the stars?
Do you want to sleep by the fire
Or roam, not knowing how far?)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

You Can't Go Back (And Find Everything Intact)

“Twelve years,” he thought to himself, “Twelve long years since I left home.” He stood on the deck of the ship, turning this over in his mind. Maxwell Luthor VanVendrig was standing on the deck of the ship destined to bring him back to the home he had abandoned long ago. Twelve years ago he had fled the small town in which he had grown up in, secretly joining the crew of a hauling ship. He had let a few of his closest friends know the time he was leaving, and as the ship had pulled away from the dock they ran after it, crying out various farewells. “Goodbye Max! Have an adventure!” “You bastard! Running away without taking me with!” “Stay safe, and don’t forget us!” “I haven’t forgotten you,” he mused. “Especially not you…” Lena McCorskova. One of the local girls, and if not the prettiest or best dancer, doubtlessly the most artfully inclined. She was always making sketches of whatever happened to be about in her notebook, and writing small couplets as captions beneath them. And that was only one of her intriguing qualities in the eyes of Maxwell. She had long hair that looked black, but if you looked closely was simply an extremely dark brown. Under certain light it was possible to detect a sheen of red permeating through it. Her eyes were hard, and oddly colored, with a watery green that sparked with many colors when she was excited or angry. Her skin was milky white, burning light pink in the summer. Some of the other boys said that she looked strange, but Max always beat them until they changed their opinion, or at least learned to hide it. He thought the combination of her features and the light, flowery dresses that she was always wearing made her seem exotic and supernatural, like an elf that had decided to take up life among humans.
“Yes, it has been a long time,” he murmured. “But now I’ll see you again, and how much all of you have changed.” The island was coming up, and he returned to his cabin to finish packing up his few belongings. Some clean, practical and thoroughly without airs clothes, a pair of dark leather boots, a journal, the hunting knife his old captain had given him when he had left his service, and a copy of the Bible, blessed by the priest of his old parish. This was all his worldy possessions, not including a fairly heavy bag of money that was hanging from his belt. A member of the crew called out that they had reached land, and he straighted up, and walked through the corridors up to the deck of the ship.
Looking out at the dock, he saw that his letter had arrived in time, and he had a greeting party. John MacCutcheon, Phineas Franklin, and Gerry Ladlen; his best pals in the world when he had left. And down the road came Lena, walking onto the dock as the boat was made fast by the crew. She looked almost completely the same as he remembered her, except maybe a bit taller and more slender. A slight thinning of the face, which only improved her beauty, he thought to himself. And then it hit him, in strong, unquenchable waves, like the ones washing in from the sea. He had missed her. More than anything else. He knew what the feeling deep inside him that he had lived with for years was now. He finally recognized it for what it was, namely, a deep, aching loneliness. More accurately, the absence of Lena McCorskova in his life. And now he had her, and he was finally going to be content. He laughed out loud and barged down the ramp like a drunken man, staggering with the shifting of the boat and the ruckus in his heart.
He clasped hands and then embraced in a bear hug each of his old friends. Then he came to Lena. His eyes swiftly ran down her face and her body, and then they moved into a close, strong hug. As they parted, he noticed a glint of gold on her finger. He stared at it, as it revealed itself to be a ring. John lifted up his hand, laughing as he showed off his own matching ring, and stated, “Married last August! What a surprise, eh? That she chose an old ruffian like me.”
For a couple seconds, no one moved. Then he replied, slowly and carefully, “Well. That is a surprise. I had no idea. Congratulations.” They closed in around him, and the group began to walk up towards the town.
That night, there was a returning party at the MacCutcheon home. Many old friends had gathered once they heard the news, and at eleven o’clock the party had still not even begun to break up. However, Max took his chance to have a few private words with Lena once most of the others had started to feel the effects of the beer that had been consumed all evening, and they slipped out into the night. He asked, “Mind if we walk while we talk?” She nodded, and they went out onto a path leading into the woods that started at the back of their property.
They walked in silence for a while, and then Maxwell began to speak. He had some difficulty finding what words he wanted, though, and just choked out some garbled words. He was trying to form his thoughts into coherent words, when Lena spoke up. “Max…Please don’t say ‘I love you’ because if you do, that will make everything I’ve done be pointless, useless, and impossible to take back. I’ve married, made a name for myself under his name, and begun to really live life. And if you say you love me, that will turn all my plans upside down and then I have no idea what I’d do.” “But Lena…” he murmured, “That’s all that I can think of to say…”
He grabbed her in a tight embrace, kissed her on the lips, she returned it for a moment, then broke away sobbing. She started to run, losing her shoes in a mad dash to stay ahead of him. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the darkness. He chased her through the forest, and then they broke out into a field. There was a ring of stones standing in the middle, and a hole leading down into the earth at a slope. She dashed through the ring, and swiftly ran down into the hole. He followed a couple seconds behind. Once inside the hole, he witnessed her beating on a stone table, crying out “Father! Mother! Please! Let me come back to the fold! I realize now this was a mistake! I am not meant for life among mortals, for love! Please, let me return!” Her hair was flying about like in a high wind, and her eyes were sparking brighter than he had ever seen them before. When nothing happened, and she saw that he had followed her down into the cave, she cried out and pushed past him, knocking him into the wall. He recovered, and raced out to follow her.
As they reached the other side of the field, he became aware of a dull roaring. The Great Drain, the waterfall which all the mountain streams gathered to supply. They drew closer and closer, until she was standing on a large stone at the edge of the river. “Please, Lena…just come with me, we can try to make it alright,” he begged. “No! No! Stay away!” she shouted to make herself heard over the roar of the waterfall. “Stay back! Don’t come any closer!” she cried as she shuffled backward to match his forward pace. “I don’t want-“ Her words were cut off as she slipped on the wet rock, and fell into the river. He lunged forward, grabbed at her hand, pulled it out of the water and saw that he was gripping a branch. He looked down the river, saw her floating for one last second, then she went over the waterfall. Though he knew he was too late to save her, he jumped in after her anyway.

I Need It So Badly (Makes You Want To Laugh Out Loud At The Look On My Face When I Get It)

I'm wondering if you're like me
Do you spend your nights and warm summer days
Wondering why you stopped caring?
I think I know why, it's because we don't have a drug
Something to take away the sting of life
And when we can't feel that sting anymore
We know we've gone too far
I have no idea where I am, or how I got here
But I don't like it, so let me go

Question for everyone who has a little light shining inside
I think I turned mine off a long time ago
Is there any way I can get it back on?
Because there's bullets in my soul
And sadness in my heart
It's bad news but true, the combination of the two
Is tearing my mind apart
I need to tell someone, "just let me go" but I don't know who
Freedom could be what I need, I have no idea
I've never been free

Give me a drug
Give me some love
Give me a life
My hands are weak, my body is shaking
I don't know if I could stand being happy
But that's what I need, so give it to me
Let me find some new blood
Let my heart beat something other than me
If you don't to do this for me, leave
Cause I can't stand it if I can't have you
And you stay

Maybe on my own I'll feel like I'm free
(But every time I try that, someone ends up caging me)

Monday, June 25, 2007

Give Me A Hug, Sing Me A Song, Rock Me All Night, All Night Long

It's taken me so long to do this
I don't know if I'm awake, I can't even see straight
My heart's beating like a snare drum
Crashing and smashing through my thoughts
I feel nothing, even worse than numb
I'm so afraid that you might go

How am I supposed to do this?
What am I supposed to do?
I don't think life without you is something I can go through
The coffin is standing in the other room
I can smell the flowers from here
I know we only live for a short while
Is it too much to ask to see how quickly I can make it go?

So now I'm walking into the next room
Your family doesn't know who I am
I don't care, I'm cold inside for protection
You look so innocent, so young
So dead. where am I supposed to go now?
What am I supposed to do?
There was a time when life itself was nothing
Compared to what I felt for you
But now you're gone and I'm all alone
I don't know what to do
I'm so tired...is there any way I can follow you?

My lips touch your brow, and my tears start to fall
I stumble away, reach out and grab the wall
The gun is in my pocket, I could end it now
But I can't, I can't, I don't want to
Still, it hurts, and how...
I slide down, sobbing on the floor
My stomach is in pain, I'm curled in a wretched u-shape
I lived for you, now what do I do?
Do you really want me to see this through?
I breathed in time with your breath, lived inside your heartbeat
I'm all alone now
I have to keep living...but what can I do?
How on earth can I live without you?
I can't end my life, so I'll just fade away
A shadow of a man, dying in obscurity
Because then I'll be living again (when I'm dead, up there with you)

I don't know how to do this
I don't even know exactly what I'm supposed to do
But I guess I have no choice, I'm gonna see this through (for you)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Vampires Don't Bleed

I’m scared. John’s been gone for almost 15 minutes, probably. And I’m scared. He gave me a knife, and told me to be careful and quiet, and leave our hiding spot and try to get out of this dumb old castle if he wasn’t back in 15 minutes. I’m sure it’s been maybe almost that long, but I don’t want to leave. What if he comes back, and I’m gone? Or maybe he might need help, and I leave the wrong way and don’t find him, or just wait here while he’s lying out there dying…No. I have to do what he said. I wish we hadn’t come here, but we did, and now I should listen to what he said, because after all, he’s older, and smarter, and he loves me. I just know he does, because he said so, and I could tell he meant it. “Mary, you mean so much to me…I love you.” That’s what he said. And I’ll have to trust him.
Though I really wish we hadn’t come out here to the castle. I mean, it’s so creepy. I’ve never even been here during the day, and it must be close to midnight by now.
I guess it’s been 15 minutes by now…Okay, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna leave, and have his knife close beside me, and I’m gonna sneak out of here, all careful and silent, and I’ll meet him back at his car, and he’ll take me home and I’ll kiss him outside before I sneak back inside the house and go to bed. Yes, that’s exactly what’ll happen…Okay, here’s the door…Alright, now, down the hallway…turn left, another left, a right, through the room with the suit of armor, a left in this hallway, what was that? I swear, I thought I saw something white at the end of the hallway…No, there’s nothing there. Wow, this is just so creepy…I wish he hadn’t gone. I need him. But he said not to call out for him, so I won’t. I’ll pretend I’m not scared, and just remember I have his knife with me, and I can protect myself, and I’ll make it out of here okay, and meet him by the car. Okay, I can handle this…
Down the stairs…open the door. OKAY, I KNOW I SAW SOMETHING WHITE! Okay, okay, calm down…It was probably a bird, or a shadow or something…Moonlight, that’s what I bet it was. Just some moonlight that happened to get in through a hole in the wall or something. Walk across the creepy hall, peer around the door just to make sure OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE. Okay, okay, okay, calm down, I have his knife, I’ll be okay, this stuff doesn’t happen in real life, it’ll all turn out okay, I’ll just quick cross the hallway, the guy was turned the other way, he won’t see me, I’ll be quiet and quick, and I’ll be out of here and he’ll never know anyone was here. Oh no…Maybe he got John? No…No, that can’t be…but it probably is…I know, I’ll get out of here, get to the car, and if he isn’t there I’ll run down to the village and get the police, they’ll come up here and they can chase off this tramp or whoever it is and find John and everything will be okay. It’ll all be okay…
Alright, now, peer around the corner, yep, still there, okay, tighten my grip on the knife, dash across the hallway, oh no, I made some noise, just run, he won’t catch me, oh no, he is he is he is he’s coming up behind me okay when he gets close I’ll turn around and just stab him with the knife and run okay yeah HERE HE IS…
Oh my god, I just stabbed him right in the heart…he’s staggering backward, and the knife is stuck in him…He looks young…or old…neither, I guess, I don’t know…But he’s so pale…and his clothes are all white, and OH MY GOD, he’s pulling the knife out, and laughing, HE’S LAUGHING, THERE’S NO BLOOD? HOW CAN THERE BE NO BLOOD! I HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE HEART, I…Oh no, he’s saying something…what is it…”Little darling…didn’t you know? Vampires don’t bleed…”

Life Is What They Call It When Bad Things Happen To Good People

When you wake up
Do you feel like taking a chance or do you know you'll be happy enough with him?
Maybe falling in love was an accident, but
I'm still trying
To be more like him
So I can be better for you
I'm still trying, and I wonder what you said last night
Said last night to him

When I wake up
I feel like taking my chances on
The wild hope that somehow life will turn around
And maybe someday I'll hear the sound
Of you saying "I do" next to me
Maybe I'll die young, and "we" will just remain something that could have happened
Where is your boy today
When I know you need him the most
Where is he late at night
When you're feeling cold and lost

And could I have been a hero
And could I have saved the day
All these broken promises should never have been left that way
If you promise not to hate me
I guess you're the one person who could get me found out
And exposed in all the places
Where I let everyone down

Why can you listen to me like no one else
How can I make you need me
Just as much as I need you?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Love Feels So W(St)rong, All Night Long

Every night I stay up to see another day
Hoping you'll appear and talk to me
But it didn't work tonight; it never does
And so I ascend the stairs
And wait for you there
'Cause maybe I might see you at the top of the stairs
And I could tell you how much I miss you (it's been almost two days, after all)
So now it's to the bathroom
Where I stand naked in front of the mirror
Pop off a few pushups, because everyone knows you can't be loved if you don't have muscles
If I ever think that I'm wrong, I keep on going just the same

So now I'm dressed up in pajamas, and climbing into bed
And I swear, as I lie in the dark, looking out the window
You're all that's in my head
And I can't sleep, I can't sleep
Because you're just on the other side of town
And the other side of the world
So I lie on my stomach with my arms folding around me
Or on my back, hugging my teddy bear
Watching the lights on the ceiling from the cars that go by
I wish you were lying next to me
Just so we could talk and stay up all night
Cause right now I'm a sad song, and I can't sleep

But eventually I do end up slipping off into unconciousness
And dreams result
And when I die, I watch you cry
And hold my hand as I slip away
Sometimes you die
And you can't imagine how I cry
Because it feels like someone just ripped my heart out
And threw it on the ground
...I can't put it back together

After the horror, and years spent alone
I wake up again
And watch the sun come up again
Question for you; do you sleep through the night
Without feeling a thing?
I can't ever manage that...but if I did
I think it'd maybe feel a little bit wrong
Where can I run to, and where can I hide
When I'm sleeping off the pain, and it sticks inside?

Don't ever tell me that you've never meant anything to me
Because I won't be able to express how much you're wrong.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Me/Not Me, I Hope

There's a narrow line between love and hate
But it's glaringly clear to me
It's right there, where I step over from thinking about the feel of your face
And the smell of your hair, and the look of your eyes
To what it'd feel like to be breaking you from the inside
It's been said many times that in every man is a monster
And it's the sad truth that sometimes it is let out
But that's only if I cross the line
And I know there's nothing I want (and everything I hate)
There on the other side.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I Hear They Have A Wall In China, But I Bet It Ain't As Long As Our Song (When We're Dancing All Night)

If thermometers don't lie, it was 200 degrees
On that sweet summer night, when we couldn't find anything to do at all
Personally, though, I have my doubts about the wisdom of machines
And I swear to the sky I don't know what these lines are supposed to mean
'Cause every single time I find I'm writing about love
Every single line in every single poem
They always seem to be about how I'm trying to find my own way home
Well, I mean, come on! gimme a break...
Love is great and all, but if that's all your life is, isn't that a mistake?
Or maybe it isn't, and what it's all about is what would happen if I woke up next to you
And some other little plots about rings, vows and the words "true blue"
The sun's already set, I'm sitting here typing
And I really don't know what to do

Should I put on a face? make it a bold and brave one?
Maybe these above lines are ones I should erase
Most likely they'll just make me lose face...
How come when I'm alone I feel like a stranger
In a small, friendly town
Where everyone likes you, but without someone traveling with you
It just feels temporarily wrong
Like an awkward chord change
In a remake of your favorite song

Even though I'm just a poet
Who sits up and writes all night
I'd always try to be your man
And cry out to the crowd
"Make way for the lover parade
Make way for my girl"
And they'd all part, just enough to let you through
Which would be okay, cause after all
If I got stepped on and crushed, it'd all be for you

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Give Them A Shout To Remember

All these years wasted on an telephone dial tone
Sometimes they make so much sense
And sometimes they just make me wish I had died at my childhood home
'Cause all that wasted time is part of what makes my heart roam
All alone
On the other hand, I'm probably happier than I could have ever known
(All alone)


But this isn't something I plan to let build up inside of me
All the bad feelings and perverse attractions
To things that lurk and terrorize
I'm gonna wipe my eyes and tell myself they can't harm me
And same to all the jealousy, the greed and lust
I'm gonna bundle them up tight
And let them fall away
It's hard to fight something that you can't allow to be real
So this is how I kill it, I guess
Poetry could work, God bless

I'll just give a shout they'll remember
Before I spend all my inspiration and fade into obscurity
Bad feelings work the best for making words rhyme
But if I can get rid of them, I think I'll definitely be blessed

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Sum Of Her Summer

I woke up this morning, and thought I heard summer
But it was only our neighbor mowing his lawn
I went downstairs, and could have sworn I saw summer
It just turned out to be the young, tan athlete who was delivering our paper
With a couple of his friend's following him on his route
As I walked into the kitchen, I was sure I smelled summer
But it was only lemons and sugar, as you were making lemonade
Later, riding my bike to the ice cream shop, I thought I tasted summer
But no, it was only chocolate chip mint on my tongue
And that night I loved the feel of holding you in my arms
I think that might have been summer

Yes, I'm pretty sure that was summer
(That was you)

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Excuse Me, I'm Out Chasing Cars Trying To Find Myself

Is it the heat that makes you sweat?
Was it the sun that baked you red?
Can you feel my hand hovering above your neck?
And do you like that?
Could you like that?
Or are you burning all your feelings for me
In your body's tired pain
Maybe what's going on inside your head
Is something you don't care to explain...

Life and death and love are the things on my mind
But the face of the angel floating in the wind outside my window
Is faded and lined
Again, I don't know what's going on inside
I feel like I'm deaf and blind
To everything everyone around me is trying to show or say
Sorry, guys, but I can't deal with it right now
I can't even understand you, anyway

I don't even feel the sun...
Sorry not today
Leave a message at the beep, any uplifting words I'll be sure to keep

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I'm Just A Kid. And You're Just You. And We're So Special, We Can't Control It

I'm writing this poem
Because that's what I do
And I tell you girl, I'm writing this for you
Oh, I'm just going to say it right out
Or, that was the plan
Until my mouth wouldn't work right
My jaws wouldn't close, and my tongue wouldn't go where I told it to
Oh girl, this is what you do to me
And as long as you are transfixed by my eyes
And my heart is beating in your chest
I don't think either of us will be completely free
But, in truth, it'll be easier for you to break away from me

But girl, I love you
I'd say your name, but I don't know if you want all of them to know
In fact, I don't even know if you want to know
Good lord, you're just so special
And I don't know what to say
Besides, "I think I love you
More than anyone before"
Beware, that's probably the music speaking
But oh God...my heart just stops every time

You know how to do art
I can't
But at least I can sometimes rhyme
I just wonder sometime if you'll ever frame a poem of mine
And if I'll be able to put a picture of yours on the wall

If you don't love me, then I guess we can just be friends
But if you do, or could
I'd be willing to wait forever and the obligatory day
And I think this poem wants to go on forever
I don't know what to say to you
I wonder what you want to say to me?

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Let's Call It A Draw, Because I'm Too Tired Argue That You're Right

I'm waiting
And watching
Hoping, too
And wondering if my wishes and dreams
Can, or will, come true
Because I am waiting
I think, my love, for you

But yet again the night comes
Why can't it just leave me be?
Because the sun burns my eyes
And the hot noon rain soaks me to the core
But even though I'm fitted to the night
Sleep makes me toss and turn
And wish I knew for sure that there was someone
Who just wanted to hear my voice
And know I'm alright

If you'll hear me out
I'm just gonna tell you a dream I have
I'm getting lost in the woods during winter
But I find you, and we start to find our way back
Oh, I can't tell you how I feel
These words aren't enough
I suppose all I can do
Is pray and hope that you fall in love

(I'd trade my high class life
For a true blue love
And I'd rip and tear the stars from the sky
If the only jewels you wanted
Were set in heaven above)

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Will You Come To My Funeral? (or) Are You My Friend?

Are you my friend? Are you really?

If I was lonely and bored, would you be willing to drop what you're doing and have me over? Even if you were tired, with a killer headache? Would you be okay if I saw you in a public place and snuck up behind you and gave you a big hug? Even if you were with a bunch of people I'd never met? Could you spend an hour on the phone with me and not get bored and try to ditch me? Even if I'm dead tired and lacking in all coherence? Would you lend me $10 and just let the debt slide? Even if it was for some completely useless crap from a garage sale? Would you volunteer with me for whatever, just so I'd have a friendly face to be around? Would you give me the keys to your house? Turn me away if I turned up smashed on your doorstep, or let me in and give me a place to sleep? Be there at any time to talk or just listen, whenever my heart happens to pick up another scratch or ding? Would you come to my funeral? Would you speak at it? Would you come to my wedding? Would you get plastered and slur funny comments into the video camera for us to laugh over years later? Would you consent to be my designated driver, even for the most boring and embarrassing high school reunion ever? Would you go on a cross country trip with me if I called you the day I was leaving? Would you walk to my house to lend me an umbrella during a thunderstorm if I had an errand to do, and my own umbrella was lost? Would you give me your jacket if you saw me shivering, even if it was 5 degrees below freezing and all you had on underneath was a t-shirt and jeans? Would you tell me that you're my best friend, and mean every word of it?

Am I your friend? Really?

I'd be willing to have you over, even if I was in the grip of The World's Worst Migraine. I'd hug you back, even if I was having lunch with my bosses. I'd listen to every sleep deprived word of your raving, and only laugh with you, not at you. I'd give you 2o bucks if I had them, just to help you satisfy one of your whims you ran into at an antique shop. I'd help you clean streets, even if you were just doing it as part of your community service time. I'd give you keys to my house, and the keys to my car if you wanted them. I'd give you a place to sleep, and a meal in the morning no matter what your condition, any time you showed up at my door. I'd try my best to fix every dent your heart gets hit with, no matter when you need me to help. I'd go to your funeral, and if I wasn't crying too hard, I'd get up and lie about how you had no faults whatsoever, and tell the truth about how my life was better every single minute since the moment I met you. I'd go to your wedding, drink champagne by the quart and slur my goodwishes into the video camera, for you to treasure for years to come. I'd be your designated driver even if we were going to a party at the house of a master brewer. If you called me 15 minutes before you were leaving to cross the country, I'd throw together a packback full of clothes and get someone to watch the house and be ready to go before you came to pick me up. I'd take the city bus during a hurricane if you needed someone to go out and get you groceries. And, when I'd show up soaking with a bag of cereal, fruit, beef jerky and milk outside your door, I wouldn't let a word of complaint pass my lips. I'd give you my jacket even if we were boarding a plane in Alaska in winter, if you were cold. Do I really need to tell you that you're my best friend? You're my best friend.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

You're So Far Away/I'll Pretend I'm Happy Until You Come With Me

I like it when
Our arms brush in the car
And I enjoy it when
You say, "go too far?"
And we drive a little farther
Than our gas supply can take us
And we hold off on the trek to the gas station
So you can just lie in my arms

I noticed I was in love with you quite suddenly
When I woke up one night and thought you were lying next to me
(But it was just a dream) For a moment I liked where you slept

How come whenever I find "a one"
She always says no to me?
Just give up and be nice to me
All I want to do is keep you warm in my arms
And keep you in love as long I can possibly
When I write love letters that are just tossed in the fire
They don't mean a thing
Just be my friend
Then let our friendship end
So we can fall in love
And I'm sure you could have been made for me
If it's a golden cage you're afraid of
I can promise to keep you free
(Please?)

Monday, May 28, 2007

Unfinished poem

Hearts roam far in these dark ages
While the sunlight mostly shines on the living and the dying
So can you watch the heavens for a sign from above?
Nothing is more needed than an expression of divine love
Because it's so hard to walk this life alone
And underneath the veil of an eastern lady
Shines the bright eyes of a western girl
And over us all, throughout the whole world
A song is sung as the race is being won
But by whom? that's the question

Saturday, May 26, 2007

On Sadness (or) *tear tear*

Here's a question I just have to ask; what makes things sad? I mean, not just "oh, that sucks" type sad, but like, the deep, personal type of sadness. When you're touched so deeply, in a place where your normal life never comes close to reaching, that even if what touched you is happy or good, you still become sad. It's like at the core of each of our beings is a bundle of sadness, and we don't even know it's there. But anyway, really, What makes things sad?
There are some things that will touch people repeatedly or with the same or similar reaction. Some songs will do it, (for me it's Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright) and other times it is a certain poem, or movie sequence, or picture, or something else entirely. It just has to be something that reminds us that we are alive, life is filled with pain, to feel it is normal, to not ever cry from the sheer agony of being alive is insanity, and most importantly, Love Hurts, because what we are at the core of our beings is love and sadness. When we are reached, touched deeply by something, tears (a basic signal of sadness/strong emotion) are almost always a part of the experience.
But, again, what makes things touch so many different people? There must be some kind of equal imprint upon us all, to make the same song, or poem or painting or whatever it may be have such a strong effect on thousands of us humans. I think that one of the basic ways of defining humanity must be the effect of Art. Even if computers were capable of making advanced, autonomous decisions, they wouldn't be human if they didn't cry at the sound of heartbreak, in fact, to truely be human, you must be moved. There is evidence that poetry is a natural, instinctual form of art, and this must be true. No matter how scientifically advanced a civilization is, if they are not moved by emotion at the core of their beings, they are not humanity.