Give Me A Hug, Sing Me A Song, Rock Me All Night, All Night Long

It's taken me so long to do this
I don't know if I'm awake, I can't even see straight
My heart's beating like a snare drum
Crashing and smashing through my thoughts
I feel nothing, even worse than numb
I'm so afraid that you might go

How am I supposed to do this?
What am I supposed to do?
I don't think life without you is something I can go through
The coffin is standing in the other room
I can smell the flowers from here
I know we only live for a short while
Is it too much to ask to see how quickly I can make it go?

So now I'm walking into the next room
Your family doesn't know who I am
I don't care, I'm cold inside for protection
You look so innocent, so young
So dead. where am I supposed to go now?
What am I supposed to do?
There was a time when life itself was nothing
Compared to what I felt for you
But now you're gone and I'm all alone
I don't know what to do
I'm so tired...is there any way I can follow you?

My lips touch your brow, and my tears start to fall
I stumble away, reach out and grab the wall
The gun is in my pocket, I could end it now
But I can't, I can't, I don't want to
Still, it hurts, and how...
I slide down, sobbing on the floor
My stomach is in pain, I'm curled in a wretched u-shape
I lived for you, now what do I do?
Do you really want me to see this through?
I breathed in time with your breath, lived inside your heartbeat
I'm all alone now
I have to keep living...but what can I do?
How on earth can I live without you?
I can't end my life, so I'll just fade away
A shadow of a man, dying in obscurity
Because then I'll be living again (when I'm dead, up there with you)

I don't know how to do this
I don't even know exactly what I'm supposed to do
But I guess I have no choice, I'm gonna see this through (for you)

Vampires Don't Bleed

I’m scared. John’s been gone for almost 15 minutes, probably. And I’m scared. He gave me a knife, and told me to be careful and quiet, and leave our hiding spot and try to get out of this dumb old castle if he wasn’t back in 15 minutes. I’m sure it’s been maybe almost that long, but I don’t want to leave. What if he comes back, and I’m gone? Or maybe he might need help, and I leave the wrong way and don’t find him, or just wait here while he’s lying out there dying…No. I have to do what he said. I wish we hadn’t come here, but we did, and now I should listen to what he said, because after all, he’s older, and smarter, and he loves me. I just know he does, because he said so, and I could tell he meant it. “Mary, you mean so much to me…I love you.” That’s what he said. And I’ll have to trust him.
Though I really wish we hadn’t come out here to the castle. I mean, it’s so creepy. I’ve never even been here during the day, and it must be close to midnight by now.
I guess it’s been 15 minutes by now…Okay, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna leave, and have his knife close beside me, and I’m gonna sneak out of here, all careful and silent, and I’ll meet him back at his car, and he’ll take me home and I’ll kiss him outside before I sneak back inside the house and go to bed. Yes, that’s exactly what’ll happen…Okay, here’s the door…Alright, now, down the hallway…turn left, another left, a right, through the room with the suit of armor, a left in this hallway, what was that? I swear, I thought I saw something white at the end of the hallway…No, there’s nothing there. Wow, this is just so creepy…I wish he hadn’t gone. I need him. But he said not to call out for him, so I won’t. I’ll pretend I’m not scared, and just remember I have his knife with me, and I can protect myself, and I’ll make it out of here okay, and meet him by the car. Okay, I can handle this…
Down the stairs…open the door. OKAY, I KNOW I SAW SOMETHING WHITE! Okay, okay, calm down…It was probably a bird, or a shadow or something…Moonlight, that’s what I bet it was. Just some moonlight that happened to get in through a hole in the wall or something. Walk across the creepy hall, peer around the door just to make sure OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE. Okay, okay, okay, calm down, I have his knife, I’ll be okay, this stuff doesn’t happen in real life, it’ll all turn out okay, I’ll just quick cross the hallway, the guy was turned the other way, he won’t see me, I’ll be quiet and quick, and I’ll be out of here and he’ll never know anyone was here. Oh no…Maybe he got John? No…No, that can’t be…but it probably is…I know, I’ll get out of here, get to the car, and if he isn’t there I’ll run down to the village and get the police, they’ll come up here and they can chase off this tramp or whoever it is and find John and everything will be okay. It’ll all be okay…
Alright, now, peer around the corner, yep, still there, okay, tighten my grip on the knife, dash across the hallway, oh no, I made some noise, just run, he won’t catch me, oh no, he is he is he is he’s coming up behind me okay when he gets close I’ll turn around and just stab him with the knife and run okay yeah HERE HE IS…
Oh my god, I just stabbed him right in the heart…he’s staggering backward, and the knife is stuck in him…He looks young…or old…neither, I guess, I don’t know…But he’s so pale…and his clothes are all white, and OH MY GOD, he’s pulling the knife out, and laughing, HE’S LAUGHING, THERE’S NO BLOOD? HOW CAN THERE BE NO BLOOD! I HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE HEART, I…Oh no, he’s saying something…what is it…”Little darling…didn’t you know? Vampires don’t bleed…”

Life Is What They Call It When Bad Things Happen To Good People

When you wake up
Do you feel like taking a chance or do you know you'll be happy enough with him?
Maybe falling in love was an accident, but
I'm still trying
To be more like him
So I can be better for you
I'm still trying, and I wonder what you said last night
Said last night to him

When I wake up
I feel like taking my chances on
The wild hope that somehow life will turn around
And maybe someday I'll hear the sound
Of you saying "I do" next to me
Maybe I'll die young, and "we" will just remain something that could have happened
Where is your boy today
When I know you need him the most
Where is he late at night
When you're feeling cold and lost

And could I have been a hero
And could I have saved the day
All these broken promises should never have been left that way
If you promise not to hate me
I guess you're the one person who could get me found out
And exposed in all the places
Where I let everyone down

Why can you listen to me like no one else
How can I make you need me
Just as much as I need you?

Love Feels So W(St)rong, All Night Long

Every night I stay up to see another day
Hoping you'll appear and talk to me
But it didn't work tonight; it never does
And so I ascend the stairs
And wait for you there
'Cause maybe I might see you at the top of the stairs
And I could tell you how much I miss you (it's been almost two days, after all)
So now it's to the bathroom
Where I stand naked in front of the mirror
Pop off a few pushups, because everyone knows you can't be loved if you don't have muscles
If I ever think that I'm wrong, I keep on going just the same

So now I'm dressed up in pajamas, and climbing into bed
And I swear, as I lie in the dark, looking out the window
You're all that's in my head
And I can't sleep, I can't sleep
Because you're just on the other side of town
And the other side of the world
So I lie on my stomach with my arms folding around me
Or on my back, hugging my teddy bear
Watching the lights on the ceiling from the cars that go by
I wish you were lying next to me
Just so we could talk and stay up all night
Cause right now I'm a sad song, and I can't sleep

But eventually I do end up slipping off into unconciousness
And dreams result
And when I die, I watch you cry
And hold my hand as I slip away
Sometimes you die
And you can't imagine how I cry
Because it feels like someone just ripped my heart out
And threw it on the ground
...I can't put it back together

After the horror, and years spent alone
I wake up again
And watch the sun come up again
Question for you; do you sleep through the night
Without feeling a thing?
I can't ever manage that...but if I did
I think it'd maybe feel a little bit wrong
Where can I run to, and where can I hide
When I'm sleeping off the pain, and it sticks inside?

Don't ever tell me that you've never meant anything to me
Because I won't be able to express how much you're wrong.

Me/Not Me, I Hope

There's a narrow line between love and hate
But it's glaringly clear to me
It's right there, where I step over from thinking about the feel of your face
And the smell of your hair, and the look of your eyes
To what it'd feel like to be breaking you from the inside
It's been said many times that in every man is a monster
And it's the sad truth that sometimes it is let out
But that's only if I cross the line
And I know there's nothing I want (and everything I hate)
There on the other side.

I Hear They Have A Wall In China, But I Bet It Ain't As Long As Our Song (When We're Dancing All Night)

If thermometers don't lie, it was 200 degrees
On that sweet summer night, when we couldn't find anything to do at all
Personally, though, I have my doubts about the wisdom of machines
And I swear to the sky I don't know what these lines are supposed to mean
'Cause every single time I find I'm writing about love
Every single line in every single poem
They always seem to be about how I'm trying to find my own way home
Well, I mean, come on! gimme a break...
Love is great and all, but if that's all your life is, isn't that a mistake?
Or maybe it isn't, and what it's all about is what would happen if I woke up next to you
And some other little plots about rings, vows and the words "true blue"
The sun's already set, I'm sitting here typing
And I really don't know what to do

Should I put on a face? make it a bold and brave one?
Maybe these above lines are ones I should erase
Most likely they'll just make me lose face...
How come when I'm alone I feel like a stranger
In a small, friendly town
Where everyone likes you, but without someone traveling with you
It just feels temporarily wrong
Like an awkward chord change
In a remake of your favorite song

Even though I'm just a poet
Who sits up and writes all night
I'd always try to be your man
And cry out to the crowd
"Make way for the lover parade
Make way for my girl"
And they'd all part, just enough to let you through
Which would be okay, cause after all
If I got stepped on and crushed, it'd all be for you

Give Them A Shout To Remember

All these years wasted on an telephone dial tone
Sometimes they make so much sense
And sometimes they just make me wish I had died at my childhood home
'Cause all that wasted time is part of what makes my heart roam
All alone
On the other hand, I'm probably happier than I could have ever known
(All alone)


But this isn't something I plan to let build up inside of me
All the bad feelings and perverse attractions
To things that lurk and terrorize
I'm gonna wipe my eyes and tell myself they can't harm me
And same to all the jealousy, the greed and lust
I'm gonna bundle them up tight
And let them fall away
It's hard to fight something that you can't allow to be real
So this is how I kill it, I guess
Poetry could work, God bless

I'll just give a shout they'll remember
Before I spend all my inspiration and fade into obscurity
Bad feelings work the best for making words rhyme
But if I can get rid of them, I think I'll definitely be blessed

The Sum Of Her Summer

I woke up this morning, and thought I heard summer
But it was only our neighbor mowing his lawn
I went downstairs, and could have sworn I saw summer
It just turned out to be the young, tan athlete who was delivering our paper
With a couple of his friend's following him on his route
As I walked into the kitchen, I was sure I smelled summer
But it was only lemons and sugar, as you were making lemonade
Later, riding my bike to the ice cream shop, I thought I tasted summer
But no, it was only chocolate chip mint on my tongue
And that night I loved the feel of holding you in my arms
I think that might have been summer

Yes, I'm pretty sure that was summer
(That was you)

Excuse Me, I'm Out Chasing Cars Trying To Find Myself

Is it the heat that makes you sweat?
Was it the sun that baked you red?
Can you feel my hand hovering above your neck?
And do you like that?
Could you like that?
Or are you burning all your feelings for me
In your body's tired pain
Maybe what's going on inside your head
Is something you don't care to explain...

Life and death and love are the things on my mind
But the face of the angel floating in the wind outside my window
Is faded and lined
Again, I don't know what's going on inside
I feel like I'm deaf and blind
To everything everyone around me is trying to show or say
Sorry, guys, but I can't deal with it right now
I can't even understand you, anyway

I don't even feel the sun...
Sorry not today
Leave a message at the beep, any uplifting words I'll be sure to keep

I'm Just A Kid. And You're Just You. And We're So Special, We Can't Control It

I'm writing this poem
Because that's what I do
And I tell you girl, I'm writing this for you
Oh, I'm just going to say it right out
Or, that was the plan
Until my mouth wouldn't work right
My jaws wouldn't close, and my tongue wouldn't go where I told it to
Oh girl, this is what you do to me
And as long as you are transfixed by my eyes
And my heart is beating in your chest
I don't think either of us will be completely free
But, in truth, it'll be easier for you to break away from me

But girl, I love you
I'd say your name, but I don't know if you want all of them to know
In fact, I don't even know if you want to know
Good lord, you're just so special
And I don't know what to say
Besides, "I think I love you
More than anyone before"
Beware, that's probably the music speaking
But oh God...my heart just stops every time

You know how to do art
I can't
But at least I can sometimes rhyme
I just wonder sometime if you'll ever frame a poem of mine
And if I'll be able to put a picture of yours on the wall

If you don't love me, then I guess we can just be friends
But if you do, or could
I'd be willing to wait forever and the obligatory day
And I think this poem wants to go on forever
I don't know what to say to you
I wonder what you want to say to me?

Let's Call It A Draw, Because I'm Too Tired Argue That You're Right

I'm waiting
And watching
Hoping, too
And wondering if my wishes and dreams
Can, or will, come true
Because I am waiting
I think, my love, for you

But yet again the night comes
Why can't it just leave me be?
Because the sun burns my eyes
And the hot noon rain soaks me to the core
But even though I'm fitted to the night
Sleep makes me toss and turn
And wish I knew for sure that there was someone
Who just wanted to hear my voice
And know I'm alright

If you'll hear me out
I'm just gonna tell you a dream I have
I'm getting lost in the woods during winter
But I find you, and we start to find our way back
Oh, I can't tell you how I feel
These words aren't enough
I suppose all I can do
Is pray and hope that you fall in love

(I'd trade my high class life
For a true blue love
And I'd rip and tear the stars from the sky
If the only jewels you wanted
Were set in heaven above)

Will You Come To My Funeral? (or) Are You My Friend?

Are you my friend? Are you really?

If I was lonely and bored, would you be willing to drop what you're doing and have me over? Even if you were tired, with a killer headache? Would you be okay if I saw you in a public place and snuck up behind you and gave you a big hug? Even if you were with a bunch of people I'd never met? Could you spend an hour on the phone with me and not get bored and try to ditch me? Even if I'm dead tired and lacking in all coherence? Would you lend me $10 and just let the debt slide? Even if it was for some completely useless crap from a garage sale? Would you volunteer with me for whatever, just so I'd have a friendly face to be around? Would you give me the keys to your house? Turn me away if I turned up smashed on your doorstep, or let me in and give me a place to sleep? Be there at any time to talk or just listen, whenever my heart happens to pick up another scratch or ding? Would you come to my funeral? Would you speak at it? Would you come to my wedding? Would you get plastered and slur funny comments into the video camera for us to laugh over years later? Would you consent to be my designated driver, even for the most boring and embarrassing high school reunion ever? Would you go on a cross country trip with me if I called you the day I was leaving? Would you walk to my house to lend me an umbrella during a thunderstorm if I had an errand to do, and my own umbrella was lost? Would you give me your jacket if you saw me shivering, even if it was 5 degrees below freezing and all you had on underneath was a t-shirt and jeans? Would you tell me that you're my best friend, and mean every word of it?

Am I your friend? Really?

I'd be willing to have you over, even if I was in the grip of The World's Worst Migraine. I'd hug you back, even if I was having lunch with my bosses. I'd listen to every sleep deprived word of your raving, and only laugh with you, not at you. I'd give you 2o bucks if I had them, just to help you satisfy one of your whims you ran into at an antique shop. I'd help you clean streets, even if you were just doing it as part of your community service time. I'd give you keys to my house, and the keys to my car if you wanted them. I'd give you a place to sleep, and a meal in the morning no matter what your condition, any time you showed up at my door. I'd try my best to fix every dent your heart gets hit with, no matter when you need me to help. I'd go to your funeral, and if I wasn't crying too hard, I'd get up and lie about how you had no faults whatsoever, and tell the truth about how my life was better every single minute since the moment I met you. I'd go to your wedding, drink champagne by the quart and slur my goodwishes into the video camera, for you to treasure for years to come. I'd be your designated driver even if we were going to a party at the house of a master brewer. If you called me 15 minutes before you were leaving to cross the country, I'd throw together a packback full of clothes and get someone to watch the house and be ready to go before you came to pick me up. I'd take the city bus during a hurricane if you needed someone to go out and get you groceries. And, when I'd show up soaking with a bag of cereal, fruit, beef jerky and milk outside your door, I wouldn't let a word of complaint pass my lips. I'd give you my jacket even if we were boarding a plane in Alaska in winter, if you were cold. Do I really need to tell you that you're my best friend? You're my best friend.

You're So Far Away/I'll Pretend I'm Happy Until You Come With Me

I like it when
Our arms brush in the car
And I enjoy it when
You say, "go too far?"
And we drive a little farther
Than our gas supply can take us
And we hold off on the trek to the gas station
So you can just lie in my arms

I noticed I was in love with you quite suddenly
When I woke up one night and thought you were lying next to me
(But it was just a dream) For a moment I liked where you slept

How come whenever I find "a one"
She always says no to me?
Just give up and be nice to me
All I want to do is keep you warm in my arms
And keep you in love as long I can possibly
When I write love letters that are just tossed in the fire
They don't mean a thing
Just be my friend
Then let our friendship end
So we can fall in love
And I'm sure you could have been made for me
If it's a golden cage you're afraid of
I can promise to keep you free
(Please?)

Unfinished poem

Hearts roam far in these dark ages
While the sunlight mostly shines on the living and the dying
So can you watch the heavens for a sign from above?
Nothing is more needed than an expression of divine love
Because it's so hard to walk this life alone
And underneath the veil of an eastern lady
Shines the bright eyes of a western girl
And over us all, throughout the whole world
A song is sung as the race is being won
But by whom? that's the question

On Sadness (or) *tear tear*

Here's a question I just have to ask; what makes things sad? I mean, not just "oh, that sucks" type sad, but like, the deep, personal type of sadness. When you're touched so deeply, in a place where your normal life never comes close to reaching, that even if what touched you is happy or good, you still become sad. It's like at the core of each of our beings is a bundle of sadness, and we don't even know it's there. But anyway, really, What makes things sad?
There are some things that will touch people repeatedly or with the same or similar reaction. Some songs will do it, (for me it's Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright) and other times it is a certain poem, or movie sequence, or picture, or something else entirely. It just has to be something that reminds us that we are alive, life is filled with pain, to feel it is normal, to not ever cry from the sheer agony of being alive is insanity, and most importantly, Love Hurts, because what we are at the core of our beings is love and sadness. When we are reached, touched deeply by something, tears (a basic signal of sadness/strong emotion) are almost always a part of the experience.
But, again, what makes things touch so many different people? There must be some kind of equal imprint upon us all, to make the same song, or poem or painting or whatever it may be have such a strong effect on thousands of us humans. I think that one of the basic ways of defining humanity must be the effect of Art. Even if computers were capable of making advanced, autonomous decisions, they wouldn't be human if they didn't cry at the sound of heartbreak, in fact, to truely be human, you must be moved. There is evidence that poetry is a natural, instinctual form of art, and this must be true. No matter how scientifically advanced a civilization is, if they are not moved by emotion at the core of their beings, they are not humanity.

The Blisters On My Feet Don't Hurt As Much As The Calluses On My Heart

Listen carefully
Just like me
As I walk down this shadowy road
I think I can hear the ticking of a broken heart
And I realize, "that's too bad" because the ticking walks with me
Oh boy, my broken heart is ticking away
Like a time bomb or a death watch
And on this lonely road it's the only sound I hear

But I can make out other people through the shadows and the fog
Even though their faces are shadowed
And they are cold to the touch
I guess I'm still alone
Walking this crowded road

And I'm still feeling unbearably alone
Even as the lights dim
And you whisper in my ear
Come on, I know that this isn't you
Because you're not the same person I wasted hours on the phone with
Or dreamt about and was the subject of the wish
That I held so dear
Just let me look past the sweat
And dark lust and desire
So I can see the girl who turned my world
And helped me figure out who I was

It's 1:00 AM and I woke up
Cause the light of the moon and the sound of the train
Reminds me I have no idea what to do
She is an absolute everything to me
But just a myth, one that keeps away the horror by being believed in
The ticking of my watch, abandoned on the floor
Starts up my heart, and I get out of bed
Get dressed
And pace back and forth in front of the door
Shall I walk that lonely road?
It's all that's left now, I suppose
And the effects of love are really more just collateral damage
From hearts seeking some little contentment
But it's a beautiful night, perfect for walking
And I don't need to talk, as I walk this dim-lit road

Sunset Rd. Just Set On My Sun

He said it one last night as he shut the door
"Honey, I'm just too tired to care anymore
And I've really got to go"
Well, sometimes these things happen
And you just have to kindof let it ride
Which is hard, I know, when some is ripping your heart out
But really, what can you do besides see it through?
Just bide your time and wait for the return
Of the one who's more than you

And another thing to remember is that he just needs some space
Really, it's a need, not a want
Because if it was a want it wouldn't be hurting him
So just pray that there won't be a car crash
That'll turn your life into a heartbreak song
Just pray that everything comes back together
And sews itself up
Without even a scar

I can't believe all those lies and promises
And I just need to work this out
It'll only be for a while, honey (there the promises go again)
But I really have to go

Too Tired To Stop Working At My Problems

...What am I suppose to know here?
Why does everyone stare at me
Like there's some line I'm supposed to say
I'm a horrible actor
And I can't live my life this way
Just help me find a secret place where I can find some protection
And curl up and hide from the world
Please, just give me a hand
Throw me a flotation heart
Something I can pull myself out of the water on
Because even though I've been crowned king of the sea by popular vote
I'm afraid of deep water
And drowning
Even with you floating next to me

I know I'm supposed to recite cliches
For displaying love and dedication
But I'm uncomfortable at the thought
Of hoodwinking an entire nation
Of people who think that I don't feel
And can't hurt at all
I want to let you know that I have a wit
I can be original! I swear I can!
I can burn brighter than them all
If you cast me into the flames

Just listen to the words I whisper
Into your deafened, ringing ears
Try to understand when I tell you
That for now, there's nothing and no one
Who can equal you
For I'm so tired sometimes
When the pain just sets in deep
That I have to bleed out all my hate and envy
So I'm not some upright standing gentleman creep
And now is the time, my dear sweet darling
I tuck you in, and kiss you to sleep
And slid out of bed, put on my suit
Slide my feet into boots
And place a gun next to my heart
I'm dressed up and dangerous
And ready to see this through
Now if only I could win this losing battle
Or at least have any taste of victory at all
('Cause you know, I'd just be drinking it for you)

When The World Is On Fire, Who Puts It Out? Or Do We All Just Burn Together?

[this poem is dedicated to my friend Amanda]

Sometimes when I'm rising and falling
Taking pictures of sunflowers and the bodies in the streets
I just have to say
"I'm sure you'll carry on and make it through
Because, after all, the world has never seen someone just like you"
Cliched words, but I really don't care
Because no matter how you are
Living, loving, broken, defeated, dead
Or hopeful
We'll keep you inside our hearts
Even when we don't know where they are
Or do, and can't tell you

And Oh, there's so many bright lights
And no, no welcoming shadows at all
I hope you're not afraid to keep on living
Because sometimes we just have to walk alone
Although, really, we have Someone walking behind us all the time
Despite this, and a traveling song
Sometimes I get so weak
And the worlds changes form
With everything I once held dear a freak
And he'll see you lying next to him
And whisper words that he's never heard
No matter what you do, there will always be someone
Who can make you forgiven

But now's the time to confess;
You messed up
Or maybe we both did (but it's still mostly your fault)
Although, ya know, that doesn't really matter
Because the alarm just goes off earlier if you always wake up late
(Nothing's wrong with waking up late
If you never got any sleep at all
And nothing is bad when you try to make it right
As long as you do your best before you give up for the night)

With All The Flashing And All The Shadows, It's Surprising I Even Showed Up To This Press Conference

Why does it all have to be so hard
Why can't I just say "I love you"?
Would it really do that much to rock your world
Would it be that thoughtless to tell you what you should know
That I think you have my heart
And there's not much that can be done to change my part
In this elaborate play of life

With a life that's this demanding
It's good that it's at least this forgiving
And my eyes are shinging bright
From tears if you say no
And anticipation until you do
I'm sure that if you stick around, eventually you'll be forgiven
Even though there's nothing you think the mob wants more than your head

Why are you lying awake?
Can't you sleep, lying next to me?
Or are you just thinking, pondering love and ectasy?
I'm sure that if you sleep, you'll keep on living
Because too much of a good thing can kill you, especially if that good thing
Was never meant for feeling at all

And this whole poem is a metaphor
Or maybe I'm just aimlessly throwing words out
Hoping some of them will fall into someone's heart
And maybe mean something special to them
Well, I don't know for sure, I've been told
That if I don't rhyme these poems
They quickly grow old
And I don't know
Exactly what they're supposed to do
Except that it somehow involves a heart