Untitled, Except For This

In my very own way
I'm totally insane
I'm unique, precious and trashy, despite everything they say
They're still just "they"
The people no one knows
And the truth that no one shows
Here's a heavy metal remix of the sadness that you felt
Until the sound fades out
And we all fall asleep in the silence

Here's a myth that I have to believe in
You love me half as much I love you
Because I'm sitting here waiting for the world to keep on ticking
And I'm not sure if I'll know when it does
Oh, I really don't know if I can find a place
In your diary, in your life
As a friend, as something else
That I don't recognize

But I can tell, it's something that's
Very new, impossibly new, considering how old it is
So new, to these four eyes

I'm Soaring On Broken Wings

We're the people who hide behind these words
Lurking in the dark, loving the light
When it happens to shine our way
And the door just closed on all chances of returning to the things we hated before
So light a match to light up the room
And burn up the oxygen

The sound of your fingers on the keys
Is sultry, unbelievable
As is the warning it gives me
The notes hang in the air like vipers or scorpions
Scorning me and the love I thought to bring

So I step outside and find a whole new life
A girl who smells like summer night as I bury my face in her hair
Instead of a girl who stinks of perfume and high living
And it was love, Love, who tore us apart
Love made me do it, "it was the devil!" she cries
I can see the desperation in her eyes
And feel from here the jolt of her heart
As she tries to grab me back again
But Love, love tore us apart
And is the one that has sewn me and her together
My summer girl as we sleep under a bridge
The night air cold but sweet
As we turn our backs to the city
And our hearts to the concrete

And All Along, It Was Just The Intermission, Not A Failure

Waking up at night
There's a face pressed against your window glass
But it vanishes, it just can't last
Cause I can't make myself get you back
For keeping your love from me
But the bile still rises to my throat
When I feel so trapped and alone
I need friends, I need enemies
To talk to, to fight with all the time
Because living your life under bedsheets sucks

I made a wish at 11:11
But it never left the safety of my tongue
And I wish for love ever moment of when I do
The memories of times alone and together blend and blur
And mix together in to you
If you just put your hand in mine
And I, mine in yours
Then we could block out this aching world
I'm waiting for your reply, but it isn't coming
So we sit, and stare at the stars from the roof of your parents house
Where our hearts used to talk

I'll Try To Hold You In, Even Though You're Mostly Just A Beautiful Feeling

No matter what words I choose
They never work out right
Because none of them ever say
Anything about how I'm thinking about you all night
I'm praying for love
And maybe a little more
Than "just friends"

I'm afraid to say
That I wouldn't be caught dead in a graveyard like this
But that doesn't stop me now
Not after last night
Not after the sound of your voice
And the sound of my heart coming back together
There never was a more beautiful collision

There isn't much between you and me
Just some doubt, and one or two vague wishes
I'm so tired of writing poems for someone who doesn't realize it
And it's such a problem when my inspiration is not getting what
I want
Just say "one more night"
I'll try to make it up to you one very last time
Cause, see, you're just like a sunrise to me
Only sweeter

It's Funny How You Look In The Mirror And Talk To Yourself, Saying "She Looks Just Like You..."

[This poem is dedicated to my friend Dani]

The lights come on
And so do you
Then the rest of us file out on stage
To entertain for the night in our own special way
And I swear, this whole world never seemed so alive
With the moon shining down and the people all around

You get chills in the dark
'Cause there's someone waiting by the backdoor of the building
You can't make who it is out through the dark
But that doesn't matter, 'cause it's me
And I leave before you can notice that it's me
Oh, there shouldn't have been any turning back that night
I hope you understand that that whole thing was an accident
Only caused by sentiment and instinct
But there shouldn't have been any turning back last night
Because I've always been told that the hard thing is what's right

I hope that this is whole thing isn't just a dream
Or maybe a sweet nightmare
I just need to break out and wake up
And look out the window and find out if out there lies disaster
Or paradise
Which ever it is, I'll just laugh
Because after sleeping for so long, any reality is a relief

You're not who you think you are
And neither am I
Again, I just have to laugh at the disaster outside
Maybe I'll take my bike out for a ride
Just to see if I can outrace myself for a little while
I didn't think that you'd need to escape too
But that could be the only reason to make you ride so fast
And maybe the realization wouldn't have hurt so much
If it hadn't come so swiftly around that corner

(All your friends say you're too far gone
But I say not, unless they're afraid of walking at night
Because I prowl the streets looking for someone
And it could be anyone, especially you)

She's Not My Girlfriend, But This Is Too Good A Love Poem For A Single Boy

Can you tell me with a straight face
That this isn't what you wanted?
Because I'd change for you (in fact, I already have)
Just to be who you want your boy to be
(But I have a feeling you just want me to be who I want to be)
Here's a question for all the sharp minds out there
How can I be what she wants me to be? and still be the perfect boy?
'Cause what she wants for me and what she wants for herself are two seperate things
I feel bad, because the shock sets in
And I don't know what to do

Now here's a dilemma
I can be the perfect me
Which can be the perfect boy
For I've got a quicker wit
A more tender touch and a way better love
Than any of those blonde-haired, blue-eyed, ten girls a minute men
For brown and quiet is a poet's soul
And all poets are lovers in some deep, sensual way
This is a poem and a song
To you, my valentine that I never sent
And the road that I never went
Traveling down. that lonely sound
Haunts me when I sleep
The sound of happiness
And the scent of someone else on your mind
Can we just get together
And find out who we really are?

(I love you. Honestly. I do.
Even from a million miles away
From the darkest night through the brightest day
You and your memory is never far away)

Just Let Your Doubts Be Quiet; They'll Go Away

I'm writing you a love note from a million miles away
Imagining you in the sweet summer night
Thinking of you during the heat of the day
Tell me who you want tonight
I'll tell you if you're right
We've both waited so long, for a love so true
And all we've found are failures, making us blue
I'm sure it could last, me and you
Because four times over I've bit my tongue when you called another winner
And I've washed your decks for what seems like years
After every storm you sail through
Hey, Miss Golden Girl
Do you think you could take a chance on a boy like me?
One who's too weak to let you down
And too noble to tell you what to do, except be happy
And hopefully, with me

I know I know I know I know
That you've said that you're not the one for me
But, girl, how can you say that
When you don't know how I feel? or how we could be so free?

I'm Praying Through The Headache For The Strength To Give Up

I'm going to try this again
And hope it goes right this time
"I love you", whoever you are
Or whoever you claim to be

Ok, good good, we're getting to the point
I'm here to tell you I love you
You're here to hear, and listen to everything I say
Like I'm Jesus preaching to everyone in the world
I only aim to be one of the top three things you're staying alive for
Is that too much to ask, my beautiful little tempest?

Good Lord, you'd think I could make this thing rhyme
Or at least make a lick of sense
Instead I'm just stealing lines from a million other poets
And pretending I live in a fantasy world where the sun always shines
And lollypops and fairys and rainbows dance through the woods

I can tell what you're thinking by the way
The way you look at me and blush when I see you
I've not enough shame to blush when I imagine you undressed
You know that I'm the bad guy, right? because the sweetest talkers
And the most graceful walkers
Are the ones you have to watch out for
And if you think I'm the perfect mate for your soul
Be afraid, I probably faked it

Hearts Beaten, Faster, Faster

It's about time I chimed in with a "no one cares anymore"
As if there wasn't enough depressing junk in the world
Before I decided to write this poem

When I wake up every morning
I have no idea who I'll find in the passenger seat
With her arm around me
But the biggest thrill of the chase is whispering in your ear
And feeling your heart race faster
Faster

And touching your shoulder, your arm, your hand
No, I think the biggest thrill in this chase is
Most probably the part where I blow your mind
Because you've never been this close to anyone in public before
And I can't stand to not make you sweat
It's such a joy to know I'm the one making your heart beat
So fast
So fast

Let's try this again
I move from your shoulder to your hand
Back up your arm, and up to your face
And let's not have a slap this time
You know you want me, what's behind those stained-glass windows
In my eyes
So don't try to hide it from this untestable boy
You hard-living girl

My least favorite kill in this chase
Was the part where I went into shock
And you left me with my brain shutting down
But when you crawl into your cold bed five minutes after midnight
I know the sound of my breath as I stand in your closet is the thing
That's making your heart beat faster
Oh so faster

I'd Have Something To Tell You, If You'd Care To Pay Attention

I swear to shake your life up
If you swear to pay attention
I'm far too young to have this kind of addiction
And I bet you'd try to gouge out my eyes
If you knew what they said, all the different kinds of lies


I'm all shaken up
And you could tell if you looked close
And payed attention
I'm just a boy who's too young to tell
The difference between wisdom and a last chance at redemption

My hands are shaking
And I wonder if you can do secret things for attention
I just want someone to listen
And give me her affection
But I think there's something my eyes forgot to mention

I'll shake up your world if you swear to listen
Make all your dreams, if not truth, more than fiction
And I can claim to be
The miracle cure for people who are lonely just like me

I throw sad lines at you
Hoping you'll be impressed
While others throw their cheaply perfumed selves at me
Hoping to find me undressed
It's always the same, always old
No one tries anything new

Come Saturday I'll find a new way
Something to bust out of the old cliches
Because for some reason, without me noticing
None of these poems really seem to live

I don't fight fair, because I don't care
And nothing means everything like winning does
An angry mood fits a life led in the dark
I'll trap and execute these feelings, in dark, secret places
Where no one will hear them scream

This Poem Was Written With Poise, Rationality, And Most Especially Desperation For A Hug

I have a question for everyone who's ever taken breath
Or stolen it from right out of my mouth
Can't you ever learn how close the door on reality?
In fact, why don't you just close the door to your heart
And I can seal it in an envelope and send it off to oblivion
Or burn all your hopes and dreams just to keep myself warm

What a shame you never even understood the fact that I would have
Cut off someone else's left hand for you
This is such a moody poem, you'd think I was scared
Scared of telling you who I am
Well, no one wants to do it more than me to do it to you
The greatest piece of meaning I've ever meant to say
Shot to be a number one hit in one of the lower levels of hell
The dead love love of the living
And I'd die for the love of life
I think it's time to close this door

Next time you take a breath, remember someone else wasn't so lucky
And forget the security of lying in bed holding hands with your wife
People die at the worst moments, from kicking the bucket at places from
Weddings to funerals
Why don't you just take the ring, I know from what he did last Saturday
That to him it never meant a thing
Just chuck him in the hole with the other guy
I don't think anyone here really cares anymore

It Only Gets Harder To Be Respected, If Everyone Knows You're Right

Last summer I scored "good" all across the board
But by last fall, I was a fallen ace
A bruised and broken dream
Through the winter I watched the ice creep
All through the windows in my eyes
Every day, in the newspaper, the cover story claimed to be
"Young, Smart Boy, Cannot Find His Enemy"


Well, you're all just breathing water
And I join you, though it's making me a clown
'Cause I'm the only one who knows he's drowning
Even though my voice just spills and makes no sound
Some say if you rhyme a poem, it loses all its soul
Well, I say that a rhyme-less poem
Just rasps out what is not whole

Now I don't mean to hurt you
I just want to live
But it's so hard to play the game
When all you want to do is give
Just give everyone else victory
And let them win the game
Though to the rules, that is not fair
That's losing, acting lame
I know this makes no sense
But I've done the best I can do
It hurt me to write this, dear reader, just as much
As it hurts you.

Hearts Beat In Union With The Dissonance

This is a love letter to my heart's one true enemy
The one who can always strike it down just a look of the eye
I cried on your couch till I woke the house up
And when I had to explain why I was there,
The poet and hypnotist in me was laid bare
I was lost and won and lost again, like a crown or an island
Still my heart beats, though by all rights it's a dead heart

And my all wrongs are set apart
From all the deeds I didn't do, and all the loves I thought were true
This bullet, dear, I dedicate to you
The powder smells as the bullet tears through the roof
I smell like a sinner, low and aloof
And this letter still writes itself, though by all rights
It's just something I'll put back on the shelf

I'm Reading About The After-Life, When I Should Be Working On This One

Shouldn't I know by now that poems are just a headless hammer?
A failed and broken cure for growing older?
All they're good for is showing everyone the way the poets are
Even my best rhymes can't cover it up
Can't cover it up
But I still say
Give me two more weeks and ten Saturday's
And I swear I'll make everything feel ok
I think you're showing me open doors
But the key is still in the lock, and I have no idea if they're open-ended...

On a summer day, you and me
Making our own paradise
But not the one that really matters
I smile when I think of my accidental genius
And frown at all my goodly contrived mistakes
I'm trying to cast off the skeletons on my back
Just remember to remind me why we came before the last song plays

...

Well, that was a nice poem. I think that it's funny, how often I write. I hear lots of good things about my work, but...Sometimes to me it seems like I'm just massproducing sentiment. Is it still meaningful if there's a million other near-copies of the work? Is it still possible to be original, in a world like the one we have today, where the Internet spreads everything out over the entire Earth? Can people still come up with some sacred scrap of cleverness? Am I being original, or just lying in a new way? I don't know. I just don't know. And I don't think I'm anywhere near to figuring it out. So until I do, or don't, I'll just sit here, typing on my keyboard, cranking out hopes, dreams, and words that other people don't have the strength or natural wit to speak.

I still have far to go...I haven't published anything yet. I'm sitting here in my tiny, rented room in the metropolis of the Blagosphere. And what am I doing? Whispering to the world. I really should try to get some of this between the covers of a book. There's far more out there then just a network of blogs....maybe I should try aiming for success in the real world, the one where you live and die. Well, dear audience, back to the play...

...

Is my heart a little more than you bargined for?
I can tell you wanted a cat, but you got a lion
You're taking yourself down, and dragging everyone with you on your way up
There's a loaded gun in the closet, and the crowd in the theater says
"Don't pull it, don't pull it"
Well, you make another notch in the wall to tell the time
But it's seven o'clock according to your watch
If almost none of my metaphors and witticisms make sense
I guess, incoherently enough, I'm still making myself known
Even if it's only through mystery, like why I'm listening to the same song
Three times in the half hour

Abthirdly Personal

Could you love a man
Who loves with a diamond?
A hard jewel he holds
In the palm of his hand
He's luckier than most
He can take his heart right out of his chest
And look at it
And he sees a man, who has a heart of diamond
He sees it reflected, in the palm of his hand

Would you believe me if I told you
He doesn't want to hurt anyone?
Maybe you could believe something like this
"He just wants to get along, to actually be friends
You know, the kind that never ends
He just wants to say what he really means
And wait for an hour, or more
Just to see her once again"

He'd pick you up when if you went down
If you're knocked down
He's just the one to get you on your feet again
And, he just wants you to know
He lives his life, just dancing on
Hoping all the time for a partner to join him
For just the very next song

Not For The Boys

I've got a question for the person on the street
Who picked up my heart as she walked by
A motion so automatic, she didn't even notice as she did it
Neither did I
So here's my question, that I have to ask
Who are you? where are you?
Do you have space in your heart for a traveler and his pack
Full of things that he'd much rather lack
Broken pieces of dreams once held dear
Crumbs of love, smashed and spoiled
And stupid metaphors such as this?
I'm just another sunken-eyed fool
Searching for bliss
And this, and this
This looks a lot like bliss, even though it's you
So I guess not bliss, just a care-worn happiness
The kind that feels good when you crawl under the sheets after a long
Hard day
And I don't honestly know if I'll ever be that way
And I also don't know if I'm scaring you with these words
If I were me, you, my reader, were she
Would you run and hide from the dark, wild passion inside
Such a youthful, well-spoken, well-read boy?

(But maybe this doesn't really matter, anyway
But then nothing would matter at all, in any single way)

I S Wnt T Lv Y, Thgh t Nvr Wrks t Rght

I never know how to start a poem without diving into sentiment
So I've started it with these pointless lines
So now, introduction aside
You might read this and wonder, "if he's so taken by me
Why hasn't he called? why hasn't he told me?"
Well, you know I would have
But I've got a lousy arm when it comes to throwing caution to the wind

I'm giving up on myself as we speak
And making a comeback as we part
I hope someday someone will give me the chance to figure myself out
Baby, I hug your image, in my head
And stuff the other side of the bed
I make the Sign of the Cross, touch my heart and hope to die
With a shard from your heart in my eye
And life is a long song, and mine is on on repeat
When I think of all the cliched lines I use to try capture hearts
It makes me want to cry, because I'm such a sensitive man

I'm perfectly aware that things aren't the same anymore
But I try to keep the reality away from my heart
Because it's bad for the resale value if it falls apart
I'd trade my sad-boy blues for your wide-eyed happy girl browns
And give up my anger and frustration for the sigh of contentment
I could pull from the lips of you

Could It All Just Last Until The Stars Burn Out?

I look at you from my sunken-eyes chair
Smell your perfume on the breeze and taste the wind in your hair
And wonder, you and me; could we last?
Could we taste something so sweet
Could we dissolve into a future past?

And these are just the lovesick moanings
Of a lonely boy with a heart of gold
And a gilted tongue of elegance
Don't you know that I'm only a stitch in time away from you
A single life that wants to prove that it's true
And I carry a scar in the shape of a knife
Men go, get wives
And then waste their life

Could we last?
Could these words actually be spoken?
Could love make its move once again?
Cupid stole my heart
And left it shot in a ditch
And I know that if this sob of a poem catches your ear
Then you must be desperate
Just like me

I just want to tell you that when I see your face
My blood pump bangs and breaks
Blood cells cry for emotion shed
In the form of chemicals and tears
I wonder if you know that your touch upon my arm
Is all my eyes need to dilate

Could we last?
Could love if we did?
Could I if they didn't?
Isn't it better to feel like it's love that killed you
Rather than a lifelong fall?

Memory For Me

The smoothness and grace
Of my hand on your face
The best times always happen when the parting is forever
And you'll always be the person in my dreams
I'll keep your memory, wherever you roam
Far away from me, farther still from home
If you lose yourself in foreign lands
If cold sleet or hot wind bite or burn your perfect hands
I will remember you

And I'll remember you though nations fall
And anarchy envelops us all
I'll be remembering you even as stars fall from the sky
While ice freezes the tears of all those who cry
For the world, and the paradise
And loves such as you and I

I'll remember you, because of compassion
But you'd stay in my mind either way
For the subtle way you've crept inside my heart
Shows me that your soul longs for comfort (which I cannot give
But I'll do my best to shield you) just like everyone else
And the ice is thin, nothing but a mirror
Between people like you, and me
Shivering, shaking, for your memory
I'm blinded by the Light of God
And no more have I strength to waste
As the sun sets for the final bow
I know not where you are, now
But your memory is in my mind
Even as I begin to climb
That long, long golden ladder