I can't tell the difference between "best friend" and "girl friend" any more..

i can't say no and i can't say yes
you're the focus of my gravity and life
and it's throwing me out of orbit, making me a mess
so i'll just say
"i want to touch your skin
i want to say i care
i want to let you know that i don't want to leave you alone
i want to be the light in your darkness
the fuel keeping your fire burning
the guide who carries the torch"

and i know it's late and i should be getting to bed
but i can't sleep with you in my head
you know i can't sleep with you in my head (and you like that don't you?)

Poem for a friend.

honey, i have something to say
when i was a young boy i rode away
riding my bike, to catch a sunset one night
but it died before i caught it, and i rode home again
and when i was a little older
i lived my life looking for a sunset in human form
for a pretty girl like you
but none of them were right

but then you found me

so open the windows and turn out the lights
and let the night come in
we're just waiting here for life to catch up to us
hold my hand and never let go

[i'm afraid, i'm afraid to say
but as long as you never leave me
my fear has no reason to stay]

Life isn't easy. Unquote.

can you see this mask i am wearing?
can you tell it's a latex version of your face?
do you like what you see?
do you see you in me?
do you like what you see?

and last night in bed my wife told me that when i die
she'd like my skull to keep on a shelf
and i said that was fine with me
i won't be using it for a while anyway
and it'll look good if she polishes daily
maybe even almost pretty

yesterday in work
my boss said to me
"steve, my life isn't easy
no, it isn't easy to be me"
we meditated on this a moment, i said, "sir, i'm sure you're right"
then he left the building, and i saw him drive away in his ferrari
and as i drove away in my uncle's breaking down cadillac
i thought, you know, i think i prefer being me

[photographs, photo-halfs
and the guard didn't take my i.d.
and he refused to let me through
if i manage to catch a plane, maybe i can get to you
it's not hard to be me, but it's sure not easy]

The forecast said there was a storm coming, then you pulled in the driveway.

loving you is like pulling my own teeth
and once i pop one out, i just can't stop
till the blood is dripping out of my mouth
and remember whatever i said to you that night
i probably only meant it halfway
and i don't even remember if that's half good or half bad

nobody likes a change of mind
and no one likes a fool
well i'm both of those
so ((me + dislike*2) + me) is the equation
if i tried i could prove it true, even though i'm not sure what rule to use

i've always wanted to believe in stories
i've always wanted to believe that if it's true on your side
then it has to work out on her's
but i didn't realize stories aren't guarantees
they're more or less just lies and fakes

Happy birthday, i already ate your cake

now i'm a scummy man who can't sleep a blink
but as the ladies on the corner know, i can't help but wink
and there's a dream just 'round the corner
and a headache in my ear
i wish i was on the highway
i wish you were here

i feel like i'm mailing you postcards
from the other side of the room
you think that bananas are funny
and giggle at the word "womb"
(wombat)

and i heard my ex telling you that i change when the sun goes down
when the lights turn off, and heads whirl around
i heard her telling you not to trust me with your life
or your wallet or your keys
and not to give in if i come crawling on bending knees
well don't listen to her honey, she's just bitter
and doesn't know what hit her
and still doesn't realize she broke up with me, not the other way around

"Arg, this is so complicated"

i dropped the egg timer of fate
and now i'm slipping on the sands of time
that are spread all over my kitchen floor
this is a complicated, not very clear way of saying
i fess up, i messed up, i have regrets too you know
my apologies to you if you have grievances against me
but look, i'm sweeping up all the sand
and dumping it outside
tossing my problems where they deserve to go
i'm not impressed by them; no, i'm not scared
i don't know what you've heard, but it probably wasn't what i've been telling myself

"you're tall, you're tall
you have good hair, well fitting underwear
you're lucky in this life, who wouldn't want to be you?"
besides me, right?

Ever get the feeling you're stuck in the backseat of your own life?

no. it's. okay
i understand you didn't do it for the blood or the fame
but it was my life, and it was getting better than it had ever been before
and i've forgiven you as best i ever will
so don't try hitting me up with apologies
because the northern lights are shining
and our backseat night is almost ending
let's make this feel so right that it stops being wrong

and would it hurt so much to come clean?
lying to me is like lying to yourself
if you're doing that you're weaker than i ever thought
where's the girl i found inside
underneath the headaches and the crossed lines
the person who was surprised she'd even tried

let's make this happen just one last time
then we can forget about each other after we say goodbye

You think it's really just suspicion that tells you everything was said without you?

i can't believe you still believe in love
i know i stopped a long time ago
life is easier on your own
life is harder when you try to build your own home
life is just weird when i look at my reflection in the leaf-full pond
and realize it was you i was missing for the last 10 years

well, just forget about me changing my mind
i did that too much before i grew up
and set myself in stone (so no one could hurt me any more)
if you complain that i never let my guard down
it's just 'cause i've never liked getting stabbed in the back
by the person who was watching me while i slept
that just isn't how i want to live
not at all

[you make me feel so small
it's like you're taking away the best part of me
and putting it into your life
let me go let me go let me go
just give up, let me go
let me go let me go]

You think it's really just suspicion that tells you everything was said without you?

i can't believe you still believe in love
i know i stopped a long time ago
life is easier on your own
life is harder when you try to build your own home
life is just weird when i look at my reflection in the leaf-full pond
and realize it was you i was missing for the last 10 years

well, just forget about me changing my mind
i did that too much before i grew up
and set myself in stone (so no one could hurt me any more)
if you complain that i never let my guard down
it's just 'cause i've never liked getting stabbed in the back
by the person who was watching me while i slept
that just isn't how i want to live
not at all

[you make me feel so small
it's like you're taking away the best part of me
and putting it into your life
let me go let me go let me go
just give up, let me go
let me go let me go]

This is a song that i sing, i've just forgotten the tune and most of the words..

right now both our lives are pretty well messed up
so why don't you give me love
and some fascination or addiction
something to keep me moving for
i've been alone before
i've been alone most of the time
i'm never going back there
open up your door, i'm coming in

there has to be some way of getting away from myself
because i have irrational fears
like the fear of school spirit, and the fear of teenagers
and everything connected with the worst (and most formative)
years of my life
i just don't fit in and i guess i never did
because who else would spare a mosquito if it hadn't bitten you?
i guess these examples don't make any sense
but i still have these feeling that i'm so far away from my homeland
and all my life i've roamed
far from home (all alone)

[and even though it was a mistake
i loved you first
though it was not my place
the scars on my heart from youthful hurt
are not something time can erase
...but that's okay by me]

Tell me that you don't care, 'cause i don't

forgive me for saying this
but you guys were my worst friends
old buddies, almost enemies
if you want me to forgive you, you should show me why it'd be worth it
good-byes are something i make sure not to regret
(but here you come telling me i should ours...)

welcome to your summer of memories
and things you wish you could forget
remembrances better left deleted
friends that left you for better things and paper wings
who didn't know if you were happy or dead
do you remember them with your heart or just your head?

Accidents happen, like me

i'm just a little queasy
i'm just way too cool
i think i might be in trouble
but i think that's better than hope

maybe this was a mistake
maybe i forgot what i was just saying
the prayer i was just praying, or the breath i was just taking
the love i was just creating, or the heart i was just breaking
i can't remember anything lately
i think...i don't know
please, officer, don't ask any more questions
just let me go

Do i look emo to you?

i'm running so fast i might get away
i might crash right through the "the end." that i can see coming up so soon
not soon enough, for us
i just wish you'd remembered, you're not the only one
in this relationship
you're not the captain and all the crew
on this ship
but i'm inviting you to try and read my heart
and tell me where we should go

so excuse me, if i ask you to take your hands off the wheel
i have a talent for reading maps and following directions
but you don't work that way
and i don't want this to happen this way
(the way it's already turning out)

don't tell me it gets easier when you fall in love
because it's like quicksand; the harder you try to get out of it
the more it sucks
and the deeper you fall
it's so easy to notice the bad, and the good is too easy
too easy to forget

come on, make your decision
there isn't a right one you can make, so just hurry up
'cause it doesn't really matter
whichever way you throw my life off track is fine by me
i'm almost sure i don't want you as an enemy
but with you it always goes too far

Another poem about Fall and Time and Love and crap like that

i'm gonna confess, i don't know how to manage my life
and i have no idea who has the trademark on my mind
but i have a feeling it isn't me
is it you dad?
is it the baron of inconsistency
or the enemy of decency

now let's not pretend we don't know where this is going
right toward a messy collision
how come having fun is such a headache?
and how come it's so hard to have
or keep
this sucks
what's holding it all together?
it's not me, that's for sure

sometime after she saw through all the lies i'd said
(which, funnily enough i thought were true)
and i watched the sunset from a support underneath the bridge
i realized that too much time had passed
and the tree we'd carved our names into had died at last
like everything comes to pass...
i won't see you later, but i had a blast

as the goodbyes linger
upon the crisping autumn air
i can't forget the taste of time gone by
or the color, the feel, the scent of her hair

Late nights spent on a poem-site

oops, i think i might have done the same old thing again
blown up in the face of water
and the only person who could put me up and out
if i can get out of this town before that happens again
i just might be okay

how do you keep all your friends?
how do you afford all the expenses
that come with being a nice guy and always happy
like inside jokes and showing up on time
like saying her poem is fine, even though she has no idea how to rhyme
remember me?
that kid that blew you off when you tried to be friends
that was just another episode in the Season Two (that never seems to end)

Lies and cries (that's you)

what are you doing
lies can't teach me how to live
nor breaches of trust, or punches to the face
i have some news for you
my love died today
just went and up and blew its brains out into the bay
now the body is all that's left now
begging for everything, especially tickets for a train
to make it out of this city of pain
or just a ride over to your apartment to talk things out

actually, i just want you to get off of my case
i don't know if i can do it by myself
but i don't have any friends to help me
i'll just bite my lip and black my eyes
press the eject button and blast off to paradise

"but you can't make this go away, detective"
don't you tell me how to live

Good morning! here's phone so you can call in sick!

i can't remember falling asleep
so i'm not sure if i'm really waking up
or if that was just another sleepless night

my spine is bent, my neck is crooked
as the clock ticks on, i want my mom
or somebody to tell me it's okay

but i have to get up by myself
dim apartment, aching head
pressure pounding; am I dead?

or just making my way like i do every day
simultaneously everywhere and nowhere

living far too far past the point of

Everything's messed up, but everything's alright

you were my sweetest mistake
my favorite downfall
the sweet smelling emotional suicide
the best way to break my heart

but will i ever mention you?
when i talk about the people who were dear to me
i loved you, but that was a long time ago
before i went to bed and went to sleep
to dream and pretend i wasn't hurt
by the words i couldn't get out of my head
you were my greatest downfall
the biggest mistake i was ever glad to make
the only thing upon which i could break

will i wake to see the light
will i find that it's still night
will i cry when i remember what happened
do i have any reason to cry at all
do you?
the stars are brighter than i ever knew they were
burning through the sky
the moon is a pale imitation of a heart
illuminating the lonely road i'm on

i guess it was the same one all along

Da na na na

somedays i don't feel like dancing
those days i just smile and try to stay in time
i cannot believe them when they say i'll be okay
someone i trusted in tells me that it'll come out okay
okay, okay, okay, i've had enough with okay
i'm not feeling okay, i don't want it to be okay
just forget it. i don't care about it
i don't even know what the "it" we're talking about is
but i'm willing to bet i don't care

i just lost a bet
because i do care
i care about all the children growing up in broken homes
i care about all the withered trees without any water
about the fish in the sea
the birds in the sky
and you and i and myself and why do you wear sweaters no matter the weather?
she's a girl from the wrong side of the train tracks
growing up inbetween the huge homes and rich girls
who couldn't say they love you because they don't really care

Poets don't know it's all a game...

have you had dreams you'd care to forget?
i've had hallucinations that make me feel like-
probably because I'm afraid of the dark
and afraid of being alone
and afraid of damn near anything
like the silhouette in the doorway
that i can't quite make out
maybe that's a dream too (i hope)

you get used to the nightmares after a while
well, of course you would, they're happening to me
anyway, it's a lifetime guarantee
that i don't really know and probably won't find
exactly what i've always wanted

give me something that i need
satisfaction or at least something that won't bleed
kiss me right where it hurts
devastating the only hope that i was using
the hope that i could teach myself not to feel
to never love, hate, cry or laugh for any reason
truely. i guess i was lost. without a warning sound