I am weak, but I can control myself. I am weak, but I am stronger than you. I want to die, but I will live forever. I am surrounded by lies, but I will speak the truth. I am tired, but I can dream while I am awake. I will move mountains, and I will drink seas. I will scrape the sky with my hand, and I will warm my feet in the earth. The wind cannot blow me down, and space can not burn my skin. I am invincible. I am a giant. I am God's child.

You will not defeat me now, you will never defeat me, and you have not defeated me in the past. I will destroy whoever I do not love, and I will love everyone. You can not change who I am, you can only accept it.

I will breath in the dusk, and exhale the dawn. Do not fear; the dark will not hurt you, and the light will not blind you. You are freer under my protection than you were ever before.

I feel the want to destroy, but I will turn to the need to create instead.

I am nothing; I am everything.

I am-

You Are The Light Within My Eyes (Darling, Do Not Blind Me)

You are the bones within my legs
(Darling, do not break in me, do not let me down)
You are the wind inside my lungs
(Darling, breathe in me, buffet me around)
You are the decay inside my cells
(Darling, please wait to grind me down)

[You are all I need to live
And You are why I will someday die
You will always give and give
While I will accept, and cry, and cry]

You are the chemicals in my brain
(Love, do not twist my moods)
You are the food within my belly
(Love, do not make me sick)
You are the thoughts making up my mind
(Love, do not leave me so far behind)

[You make me who I am
And define who I am not
You give me no middle ground or choice
My will is filled with rot]

You are the impulse telling me to jump
(Dear, do not smash me)
You are the feeling telling me to run
(Dear, do not exhaust me)
You are the things that belong to no one else
But I cannot call my own
(Dear, do not leave me)

A Story About Love

The light penetrated into the house; it forced its way in through the windows and lit up the rooms with a light that only served to make it easier to not trip, and did nothing to illuminate the spirit of the place. He was sitting at the kitchen table (actually, a card table he had found in a neighbor's garbage pile) waiting, when he heard a step on the porch stairs, and the door creak open. He got up and opened the door to the stairs, and as he caught sight of her she froze. The light seemed to pin her to the wall, accentuating her paleness and the lines on her face.

"What'd the doctor say?" She stared at him. He asked again, and the focused look in her eyes broke; "Oh, um..Can I come down there?" He moved out of the way and she finished descending the stairs.

"What's the news?" She looked at him over her shoulder as he began to shut the door. "No, leave it open."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"I- I'm leaving." He stared back at her in something between disbelief and uncomprehension.
"I- I don't have long to go, and...I need to live." She walked into the bedroom and swiftly packed the suitcase standing by the door. "I love you, you know that, but..I need see and do as much as I can before, well...Before I can't any more. And I need to do it alone."

He sat down suddenly at the table, seemingly stunned or concussed. She walked back out holding the suitcase. "I left your half of the money on the nightstand.." He stared dumbly at the floor. "Darling, don't make it be like this, can't you tell me you love me and goodbye one last time?" Her eyes began to moisten as he continued to silently stare down the floorboards. She walked over, kissed his forehead, and murmured, "I love you sweetie." There was no reply, and after a moment she said, "Bye.." and walked over to the stairs and ascended them to the outside world. As the front door shut, the light seemed to dim even further.

With the way he was holding his head in his hands, it was hard to tell who was dying faster.

A Brief Epilogue Of A Middle Class Family

The man walked into his childhood home. The lights were out, and he stepped forward with his arm out, trying to find a wall with a light switch. His hand met something solid and cold, and spasmed, sending it falling off the mantelpiece. A few seconds later he found the switch and light flooded the living room.

The drone of the vacuum permeated the house as it ate up the fluffy grey ashes in the carpet. The man's mind was locked inside his skull; his facial expression was unreadable. He finished the task, unplugged the vacuum, and carried it outside. As he tossed it into the garbage can, he murmured, "Sorry Mom, but it's my choice what to do with him now." A haze of grey flew up into the air only to be met and captured by the falling lid.

He reentered the house, and sat down in the old recliner stationed across from the tv. He stared at the tv a few moments and then lept up and smashed it in with his foot. He turned back around, grabbed the chair, and pulled it onto its side. He then proceeded to pick up a lamp and hurl it through the window before turning out the light by punching the switch, finally getting into his car and pulling out of the driveway quickly and recklessly, only to collide with another car speeding down the road, ending in a messy collision that had absolutely no good consequences for anybody.

Dusty Old Bones Used To Shine

I went to find some water
To sooth my parched dry throat
And there I found a girl
She smiled back at me
With a ring around her neck, I don't think she could have breathed
Even if she'd wanted to.

But this is far less than what there was
And there is so much I didn't know
But I tried to help, as I grabbed for her neck (to break the chain)
She had such a terrified look on her face
And my lantern was broken-
I couldn't see anything at all-
Before I knew what I had done, the funeral had already begun
And by the time the light hit my face, she was already in the ground

I cursed the sky that I couldn't see
And the dead earth laying under me
Then I walked away or blew away
I was lifeless, crumpled paper

Usually I'm okay but sometimes my mind kinda spins kinda wanders out of control and I don't know where you are but I know you're okay I hope you're okay I hope you're alright nothing's happening, I hope nothings happening, but I'm sure something's happened oh God no God no no no- And my mind just drops just falls just flies right away and I can't grab it or catch onto it or hold it in place or anything, it just disappears and I don't know what it's doing where it is but it hurts it's making me sick I'm sick and everything just feels dim you know? Dim? Like, it's, you know not quite there no it is there but you can't change it it's just a backdrop you're etched into you're just an etching you're nothing but a little scratch on a wall and I'm stuck I can't breath move I can't move from where I am and suddenly I'm still frozen paralyzed but suddenly I break through and cry and freeze again with tears on my face as the world outside growls at me it growls and I know it'll bite me, it's going to bite me, don't let it bite me.

Please, baby...Please.

This will not last nearly long enough.

The party was just worth it for the few minutes on your porch
All alone with just you and the world
The murmur of our voices is kind of like a careless sleeve on a wet canvas
Blurring and smearing the scenery
Making everything a little stranger and more different than it was already
It's a few minutes after 1:30, I should probably be going home
I think about asking if I could have the couch, but I don't yet know you well enough for that
So I groan and get up, say it's time I hit the road
And you smile sadly and wave goodbye with two fingers
In retrospect I probably could've stayed the night if I'd've been bold enough

All that's keeping me up is the hardness of the concrete sidewalk
I can just make out the glow of your cigarette as I turn the corner
Like the stilling of your addiction as you inhale the smoke
This won't last
It just won't last

Whirlwind Roma(Maturation)nce.

It was her day, but it was not freely given. While the pews were packed with friends and relatives, they were also filled with whispers and rumors. "I just cannot see them together for more than a week." "Did you know that they just met a few days ago?" "She's making a mistake.."

She smiled nervously as the pastor spoke, and looked sideways at the man standing next to her. He caught her eye and turned the corner of his mouth up in a way that resembled the very, most reduced level of a smile. She turned her gaze back to the pastor, squinting slightly in the light that was coming in the window behind him.

Her soon-to-no-longer-be fiancé was a good man, and would care for her dearly despite the slight age gap. He had no serious faults or vices, and was not hard to please. He respected her as a woman, and enjoyed the respect she gave him as a successful, well-rounded man.

Outside the leaves were unfurling, only to turn red and orange in a few months and drop to the ground, lifeless and dead. But nobody mocked them from inside that small, old church. Nobody took away from them the lesson the girl had, either.

You did not so much fall into love, as get pushed into it.

All is full of love
The sunsets and the sunrise
The eggshells and the lampshades
They are full of love
For you, and what you are
And who you are
Just take yourself and realize it
Because all is full of love
The sea and the stream and the chemical choked pond
All are ready to laugh
Every one is vibrating in time
To the greatest beat of all
Every bacteria or hand grenade, every sword or gun or plague
All are full of love
You cannot deny it.

I Am Who I Am, And Always Will Be. But That Doesn't Mean I Can't Be A Better Person Than I've Been Lately

3 years have already gone by

Sometimes I am hit by the splendor of things
And the tragedy
And they often conflict with the idealistic ideas that I hold so dear
How can I stand when I am so very small?
How can I breath when the air is so tall?

Then the clocks break down as clouds explode in the sky
And the wind is a parade as I discover I can fly
But the dirt is quicksand that sucks on my feet
Pulling off my sneakers and soaking my socks
My ankles are chilled, I am grounded, shut down, locked

So I'll break bottles until I see God in the flash
And I'll twist off apples from the old tree out back
I will wash my dirty clothes in cold water so clean
And live in hope of meeting someone who knows exactly what I mean

If We Find Each Other, We Won't Be Completely Lost

He slid down the gravel slope, stumbling and kicking up dust. You could tell by the awkwardness of his movements that he wasn't used to the area. When he got to the bottom, he looked around. It was an odd effect; the massive stone columns and the bridge overhead gave him the impression that he was indoors and out of scale. For all he could imagine, it was a huge table with a family of giants eating dinner above him. He strolled along, gazing at the graffiti and old cans of spraypaint. Suddenly he heard a sharp sound up ahead of him, and looked up.

She had just ducked behind a support, and he could see a bit of her hair hanging out past the edge of it. He quietly ran toward her, and when he was about 10 feet away, she peeked out around it and shrieked in laughter. She took off farther down the underbelly of the bridge, with him pursuing her.

She ducked behind another pillar and his sneakers left marks on the concrete as he skidded to a stop and changed direction. After about ten minutes of this, he was exhausted and had lost sight of her. He was leaning over, with his hands on his knees, trying to slow his breathing, when she called from behind him. "Hey." He stood up and turned around, and she walked toward him. They reached out towards each other, but just as they were about to embrace, a man called out, "Hey, stop right there!" They looked, saw a police officer sliding down the gravel slope at the other end of the bridge, and made a break for it. As they ran, their velocities slowly changed until they had split far apart, and were scrambling up opposite sides of the gravel ridge. He looked to her in desperation, but she only smiled, panted, and mouthed "Run!"at him. Then she jumped up and climbed out of view, and he did the same.

Like A Statue Of An Angel

And it is all because of you
that I dream of statue angels
All because of you
I have given up hope of being saven
It was your eyes that sucked the beauty from the sky
and your hair that pulled the grace from the wind in the trees

Please take me over and cleanse me
Save me from myself
Be the beauty I've always wanted in life
and the painted sunset, or the picture on my wall
Something to remind me that there is never nothing
And you cannot forever fall

Be the floor underneath my feet
or the soap-bubbles in my bath
Be the light inside my eyes
Just please be something that will last

The Wide Range Of The Introspectrum

all that i want is to not feel like a human
to be a wall, or a tree, or a sky, or a stone
or a bird, like the bird in your mind
the one that sings of the glorious things
that you can never quite find

the thoughts that hold all meaning and truth
encoded inside you next to Eternal Youth
some little specks of philosophy, inaccessible to you
but you need them so bad, you just know

so you drink, and you drive, and make some new friends
and keep looking for a new beginning somewhere near the end
while i'm biding my time and waiting it out
dissecting myself, my body and soul
peering and poking to find what it's about

Visitor On A Summer Evening

You were standing at the sink, doing the dishes, and you were beautiful. The setting sun was casting a dusky yellow light on your face, and you were humming to yourself.

I drove 300 miles to come see you, and I didn't even tell you I was coming. I didn't even know if you wanted to see me.

I took a step or two forward, reached out, almost touched you, but stopped. You were oblivious, I moved too softly and the floor was too well built for creaking. I ached to say something, but- I left you, and you had recovered, and who was I to wreck that?

I turned sharply away, and you spun around in shock. I ran from the room, through the hallway, and burst out the front door. As I jumped into my car and drove off, I could see your pale, frightened face staring after me out the screen door.

I hope this puts to rest all your fears about that man who snuck up on you in your kitchen that one evening, darling. He was no predator, or ghost. Just someone who had made a mistake. I love you.

My Only Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when the sky is grey
I can never tell you how much I love you
So please don't take my sunshine away

The other night dear, I lay sleeping
And I dreamt I held you in my arms
I smelled your scent so sweet, and felt your hair on my face
But when I awoke I saw it was a mistake and I cried

I will make you happy, if I can
And I will do it every single day
Through the good times and the bad, even when I'm cranky
So darling, please don't take my sunshine away

And if you do, dear, it will be cloudy
And I shall drown myself in the rain
The drops shall stand in for my tears
And the mountains will echo the song of my pain

If The Romans Lived In Glass Houses

If home is where the heart is, I live inside my chest. And if I am unable to lie convincingly, people can see right through me. Therefore, I have a chest made of glass. Also, if my chest is glass, the rest of me therefore must be too. So, we have established beyond all doubt that I am an organism of living glass, seeing as I cannot lie convincingly. And as my chest is my home, I live in a glass house.

I have a garden with rocks in it, and every day I spend at least 7 hours forcing myself to not throw them, to leave the rocks in the garden, to not pick them up and pitch them and watch the panes come crashing down, like a shower of brittle snow, beautiful and sharp and dangerous, but mostly beautiful.

There Was An Empty Pack Of Cigarettes And A Bottle In The Photobooth, And I Wonder..

The girl in the photobooth polaroid liked kittens. She had brown hair, and liked to wear flowers in it. She had brown eyes. She liked wearing a faded print dress with flowers and sparrows on it. She liked tea with a lot of milk, and sometimes coffee so strong almost anybody else would spit it out as soon as it touched their tongue. She had smooth teeth, with slightly bigger than average spaces. She had a beautiful smile. Her laugh was musical. She could play the guitar, sing, and keep time with handclaps or a tambourine. Her skin was soft, and her body gave back just as much heat as it took. She was full of love, and never harmed anyone or anything.

The boy in the photobooth polaroid had bad breath, a weak chin, and in all fairness was kind of an asshole.

Arthur Brown, 22, Plays The Guitar And Sings

The thawing clothing smells disgusting, but it's a job. Playing music in a cafe in a mountain town, full of skiers, snowboarders, snow-shoers, photographers, lovers, miscellaneous people. Besides, my car is busted and I can't find anybody to fix it. It's rusting out in back of the motel that I've become a permanent visitor to.

Oh well. It may not be the greatest, but it's a life. At least I'm making a living playing music, I hadn't thought I was ever gonna be able to do that.

But my feet are cold and my shoes are soaked from the slush in the streets and I don't know any of these people and I don't care about them and I've got nothing back at my room and my car's a wreck and I've got nothing at home, and I don't even think I've got a home any more, and you know what? I don't care about anything, and I don't want to be here, I want to be anywhere *but* this godforsaken town of shallow, beautiful people.

My acts' on in ten minutes, I oughta put that emotion into my next song.

If Car A Is Moving At 139 KPH Towards Car B...

The dotted yellow line got eaten up by the hood of the car. Its appetite was ravenous, apparently; the dots were only visible in the screen of the windshield for a second or two before they were consumed. The car moved quickly, quickly, a bullet shot by its own impetus.

The sun gleamed down, reflecting off the body of the car. It was a hot day, and the air felt as if it could reach out and burn somebody.

Suddenly the appetite for dots was filled; the car veered into the other lane, and appeared to want to eat another car. Cannibalism!, screamed a lone cloud in the sky.

A person cried in shock and alarm. Then there was silence.