Friday, August 24, 2007

Everything's messed up, but everything's alright

you were my sweetest mistake
my favorite downfall
the sweet smelling emotional suicide
the best way to break my heart

but will i ever mention you?
when i talk about the people who were dear to me
i loved you, but that was a long time ago
before i went to bed and went to sleep
to dream and pretend i wasn't hurt
by the words i couldn't get out of my head
you were my greatest downfall
the biggest mistake i was ever glad to make
the only thing upon which i could break

will i wake to see the light
will i find that it's still night
will i cry when i remember what happened
do i have any reason to cry at all
do you?
the stars are brighter than i ever knew they were
burning through the sky
the moon is a pale imitation of a heart
illuminating the lonely road i'm on

i guess it was the same one all along

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Da na na na

somedays i don't feel like dancing
those days i just smile and try to stay in time
i cannot believe them when they say i'll be okay
someone i trusted in tells me that it'll come out okay
okay, okay, okay, i've had enough with okay
i'm not feeling okay, i don't want it to be okay
just forget it. i don't care about it
i don't even know what the "it" we're talking about is
but i'm willing to bet i don't care

i just lost a bet
because i do care
i care about all the children growing up in broken homes
i care about all the withered trees without any water
about the fish in the sea
the birds in the sky
and you and i and myself and why do you wear sweaters no matter the weather?
she's a girl from the wrong side of the train tracks
growing up inbetween the huge homes and rich girls
who couldn't say they love you because they don't really care

Poets don't know it's all a game...

have you had dreams you'd care to forget?
i've had hallucinations that make me feel like-
probably because I'm afraid of the dark
and afraid of being alone
and afraid of damn near anything
like the silhouette in the doorway
that i can't quite make out
maybe that's a dream too (i hope)

you get used to the nightmares after a while
well, of course you would, they're happening to me
anyway, it's a lifetime guarantee
that i don't really know and probably won't find
exactly what i've always wanted

give me something that i need
satisfaction or at least something that won't bleed
kiss me right where it hurts
devastating the only hope that i was using
the hope that i could teach myself not to feel
to never love, hate, cry or laugh for any reason
truely. i guess i was lost. without a warning sound

Monday, August 20, 2007

I'm so cool, it's like my heart's frozen.

i'm sitting here drafting a new version of my heart
because my love emailed me a letterbomb and blew the old one all apart
i'm still tripping over broken bits and memories
when i toss them in the furnace i get bloodstains on my hands
maybe i'm supposed to be missing you
maybe i'm supposed to be a lot of things
like fidelity and honesty
and chivalry and love
and love
and love

i don't know how to tell you that i wished we were friends
or at least lovers
back-seat-kissers
(maybe this is a joke)
(maybe i don't care that this isn't something to joke about)
i've never been able to stop laughing
i made a joke about 9/11 after it happened
i was unused to tragedy
i've wised up good now
and am on close terms with a sense of doom
and hugs that bleed all over your clothes
and i've finally figured out that friends you can count on
and lovers you can count on to stab you in the back

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I Was Only Loaning You Everything I Ever Did

Every single kiss I gave to every single girl
All alone under the starry night sky
I take them all back, because now I know
This is where I belong, here where I am
Every single kind word, whispered in a lover's ear
I'm taking them all back, because it's impossible to live
Or breath, if I know you're still counting them as true
Just give back all the rings, and all the pretty things
I bought every one of you
Give me back the memories, so I can burn them all
I know where I am is where I'm supposed to be
So don't fight, don't fool around, don't question me
You're too blinded by your happy endings to see that I'm right

I Can't Think Of Any Reasons For You To Get Out Of My Life, But I Guess You Did

I can see that you've lost me
I haven't heard from you in what seems like weeks
(You said you'd call every day
That you'd never leave or go away)
Well what's this? it's your absence
It hurts, even though it makes me come alive
Or dead, by now I can't really tell the difference

Even if you don't call tomorrow
And your letters never arrive
Even if my inbox is always empty
And I never hear from you again
I'll still be looking for a reason not to give up hope
And I'll never lose it, that reason is you

(It's another night spent under a bridge
Looking at where we carved our names into a tree
Reliving all the places where we were once alive
I can't tell anymore if I'm drowning in my love for you
Or just drowning in a lack of getting it back)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

A Starry Night, In Blue

It's kinda sad, and a little upsetting
Knowing that no matter when I check
She won't be there
2 AM, and my inbox is empty
Like it was yesterday, and will be tomorrow
Even if I could make the stars fall
And kill the day with a word
I don't think I could find you
I've lost you too many times

As the computer starts to shut down
The darkness aches into my eyes
My apartment's shut up in shadow
Looking out the window, I see that half the city can't sleep
Who are you? sleepless people
Why are you still awake?
Are you trying to remember who you had
And what you did
Memories are good, it's true
But photographs are better, you can burn them if you need to

It's been such a long time now, I guess you're not coming home
But I'm still waiting to talk to you again
Maybe it's pathetic to still be waiting after 5 years
And even more after 17
But let me tell you, after a while
You get beyond frustration
And just start to fade away
Girl, I'll always still love you
I'll never go away

Monday, July 23, 2007

I see your face all through every day, and i can't remember your name, but we're happy so it's all okay

"There's five reasons why you saw me standing outside your window last night
But I can't remember any of them except for "I love you"
That's the excuse that I feel I can trust
I just don't know if I can trust who I'm excusing myself from"


i wrote that poem a long time ago
and for some stupid reason i copied it down onto the back of a photograph of us
hidden in the back of a set of drawers your aunt gave us
who thought we'd grow up and make memories
like the ones we recall these days
you and me, and the rest of the gang
running loose through the night
the joy and freedom was contagious
like a disease that uprooted you from your roots
and sent you tumbling through the air
who would have thought it
you landed next to me
all worn out and out of breath
you landed next to me

Sunday, July 22, 2007

I'm Leaving Home In Three Weeks, And You're Deciding To Come Back In 4

I've heard God has a plan for everything
And I have a feeling that that's true
I just have to say, I hope the one that says "everything dies"
Doesn't apply to you
Because to me, that'd be way too cruel
To take what makes life worth living
And hiding it in death
What would happen to the happiness?
The innocence it held?
The world that used to be held so calmly in her hands

And the reason that these words come so easy
Is because fear of loneliness is one of the fears I find so hard to face
Offer whatever help you can, I'll take what I can get
And leave what I can't forget

But what about the plans that we had...?
And how you had said you were so glad to hold me in your arms once more
Good bye isn't what I want to hear
Even though it's what's sticking to our lips
And what we need to say
I guess it's time to go

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Can You Hear The Revolution?

Life is unpredictable, even in the best of times
But in the end it always turns out right
I hope you had a good time in your life

Because the sun is baking my face
Staring down on this miserable place
Hot in the sun, I'm coming undone
Or at least the buttons to my shirt are
Believe me, I've done this all before
The tired, baggy eyes
The messed up, fumbled lies
It's something I've seen happen so many times
Where love is the biggest of all bombs
And you have to be sure to stand back and cover your eyes when it detonates

Although, if you're asking for reasons why I shouldn't
Nothing comes to mind
I'm a good boy-rebel, I'm pretty much a saint
I've got a lot saved up in the karma bank, and for spending it, well
I don't want to wait
I want to sing a melody, a changing of our lives
A defeating of the old guard, and the baptising of the new
Living with out warning or boredom; I am, how about you?

Friday, July 13, 2007

And You Gave Up On Me Anyway

I take pills even though they're not what I need
All the warnings and alerts I'm too tired to heed
From my head to my stomach, I'm sick and on the run
Sometimes it just hurts so much
I have to sit, and dream alone

And the sunset is sinking in the sky
I'm feeling like I'm watching some small, vital part of me die
Like my heart, or something else I keep inside
Maybe my soul is coming apart
Splitting into two
Can that happen? are the stories true?

Keep me safe, inside your heart
Don't let the world tear me apart
Sacrifice yourself to keep me alive
Because throughout all the crowded rooms there isn't anyone who cares
Or would listen to my pleas, concealed inside whispered dares

Well, now I'm on the borderline
Of insanity and my mind
Who can fix what's broken inside?
My shattered heart is slowly beating
Up against my broken ribs
My tattered lungs are sorely breathing
My eyes feel like they're being pushed out from inside
And my ears are buzzing

Is this what love feels like?
Am I really happy?
I don't know, and I don't care
Just somebody help me
Somebody help me

(warning; I am not actually depressed, just in a slightly bad mood/listening to emo music)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Like A Book Left In The Rain, Erasing Before Its Eyes (That's You & I)

She is one extraordinary girl
And she hurts and breaks his world
He heard her crying out for someone to save her
But she pushed him away, saying
"No, you're not the guy I want
He's over there; see him?"
Well, he doesn't know quite what he's found
And she doesn't really know what she's turning down

Oh, and he
He's an ordinary boy
Or so he seems to everyone
Except himself, inside
He's hiding something big, but he doesn't
Actually know what he hides
A perfect kiss, on her perfect lips
The perfect thing to stop a heart's apocalypse

She left him alone again
Sometimes he gets so sick of crying
And lying that he's okay, and she doesn't have to call
Every single night. he gets to the point where
He almost feels like dying
And thinking that starts off the crying
Because she left him alone again
The extraordinary girl and the ordinary boy
Who's just trying to make himself worthy;
It's a difficult ploy.

But on the other hand, she has no idea she's such an extraordinary girl
In the eyes of the ordinary boy
She leaves him alone, so she can wipe the tears from her eyes
And pretend she was never crying
They don't see what they need is each other
Well, she doesn't see, and he won't say
What's in their hearts and minds
This ordinary boy and extraordinary girl

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Not Titled Yet...

Alright, so...
Maybe I am crazy.
Maybe we're both crazy, or we're just falling behind
On our plan on how to break out of this no-star town
What happened to those good old days? when we didn't know "love" meant
And the stars never refused to shine
What's going on? when I wake up what will I find?

You're the teenage queen and the chosen one
I'm the desperate hero with the loaded gun
And we're both just trying to hold on for as long as we can
Before they take back all the hopes we had borrowed that night
(That was so long ago, I can barely remember)

But wait!
It was 1993, and you and me
We were at a party, it was a summer Tuesday night
And with the stars overhead and my hand in yours
I could have sworn everything was gonna come out right
And maybe it was just the light, but your eyes went on for infinity
And they stabbed right through me
I guess it hurt, but still; ecstasy

And even though it's been so long
When I read the words you write at night
Shivers slide down my spine

Monday, July 09, 2007

This Isn't An Epic, I Just Don't Know When To End Things

Dearly beloved, are you listening?
My heart is hurting me, I can barely say a thing
I wish I could help you now, I've done it before
But it's tough when I'm living at death's door

And right now I'm the center of attention
You're the core of what's wrong with me
A melody that's too addictive
I can't stop humming it to take time to live

Oh, my darling, tell me you're listening
I have a feel this is the last song I'll sing
Please, save me honey
Kiss me and tell me you won't let me go
I have a hunch death is something love can help me avoid

Okay, forget this, no one's listening
There are no hands waving in the air, cause no one seems to care
That I'm shouting my heart out, and shredding my soul
Just to make an impression and capture hearts

Ahhh, never mind
I know that there's someone listening
And hanging onto every word
I wonder which ones she's heard?
(Have you been there all the time?)

I guess it's time I get my heart attack fixed
It'll just take a kiss upside the head
Or a smack right on the lips
I've been so happy so see you here with me
Tell it to me again girl; what's your name?

I read poetry hidden in the graffiti
Inside the bathroom stall
Signs and sighs are the same thing more often than people realize
And I don't care, no I don't care
I don't care, (so I tell myself)
You don't care, no you don't care
You don't care (that's what I tell myself)

Sometimes I feel so full of it
All the crap that's supposed to be creativity

**********

Dearly beloved, I hope you're listening
'Cause I've meant you to hear this song
And like it a whole lot
Is there some kind of beacon, a rallying point
We can try to avoid?
Something that'll turn them off but switch us on
Something that looks like "run, run away"
But really says "come, come and stay"
I'm glad that you're in the audience
Taking in my words, listening
Heck, I've been singing this all for you

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Inbetween Summer, Love, Music and Life, There's No Way Innocence Can Last

Look baby, here comes the rain again
Drenching me in all my fear and pain
Maybe, baby, we could just go to sleep right here
And it'll be warm and dry when we awake
Then we'll know who we really are

Summer has come again
And finally killed my innocence at last
How did this all come to pass?
How could I let everything happen
Inspite of all my fears?
Is it just an unstoppable change
A signal of the years?

I love you girl
And for what you're worth
You're worth it, however short a while
You're worth a sea of gold or a forest of diamonds
If it's just one night or an eternity of days
If it all works out, will we watch our lives on a screen
And never once cringe, or feel a single thing?

Would you listen all night long
To the ravings of a poet or a genius?
I have a feeling you would if it was me
If you felt like raving, I'd let you too
And we could pretend to be crazy at two in the morning
Staying crazy all night until the sun comes up
And having a lazy day
Appreciating who we are
And what we're doing here

Like all things come to pass
I'll wait until you give in at last
Just wake me up before my freedom ends
Because while I'd love to be here so we can pick up on this whenever you choose
Time will move on, and I can't get left behind
You're not the only thing I love
But one of them I love the dearest
Time is jerk, and moves too fast
I think my love could last
What about yours? do you think you could drag it out
So we could see how far we get?

How should I end this?
Is the right ending "summer came and summer passed
and took love right with it
It ended before it ever began"?
Or maybe
"Summer came and summer passed
She woke me up before Fall had a chance to end"
Here comes the rain again
Falling from my eyes
The innocence dies from all the pain
Of feeling what it wasn't meant to feel
Just wake me up before my life ends
I'm giving you years to come
So just wake me up, give me a nudge
And tell me to come out

(Here comes the stars again
Shining from your eyes
Overloading my memory
Resetting it so I don't remember what I've lost)

Monday, July 02, 2007

My Life, I Guess

To Guy's best girl:
It's a good time every time you come around
And I think about what I've found
A place of my own, my pad, my home
And friends and crap like that to fill it with
It's a life, and it's a good one
Now I'm just wondering if you'll come around to my side
Instead of just my apartment

To Guy's best friend:

Well, the streets light up at night
And the music sounds alright
At 3 am, you and me jamming and making songs come out right
I just wish she'd come around
And see what I can do
If I picked my best friend right now, that'd be you
But she'd be even better, cause you're a guy
And man's best friend is either a dog or a woman
Because another guy will drink all his beer
I'm living and I'm moving for a better life
Even though where I am is alright

To anyone who'll listen:
I wonder what'll happen next time she comes around

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Another Poem For Whomever Reads It And Takes It To Heart

I didn't think love was supposed to be like this
I thought that it was only a kiss
Can you still look at me the same way now?
I'm trying to look at you like I did before
But I don't know how
'Cause I can't get that night out of my mind

I say "maybe we could stay together if we just stay friends"
You say "don't you know when you fall in love the friendship ends?"
I don't know if that's true, I have a feeling it might be
So I'll try and take in all I can
Before we disappear

And now it's been two weeks since you last talked to me
And I'm confused on which you are, best friend, lover or arch enemy
Oh, and which you've labelled me
(Because here I am
Waiting to cool your fevered brow
And take your pale thin hand)
You're something precious I can't replace
Just try to find something that works almost as well
I can't breath unless you're breathing with me

Life is an adventure and I'm adventuring for sure
The question is, am I doing it alone
Or are you doing it with me?
(Will I live my life at home
Or out under the stars?
Do you want to sleep by the fire
Or roam, not knowing how far?)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

You Can't Go Back (And Find Everything Intact)

“Twelve years,” he thought to himself, “Twelve long years since I left home.” He stood on the deck of the ship, turning this over in his mind. Maxwell Luthor VanVendrig was standing on the deck of the ship destined to bring him back to the home he had abandoned long ago. Twelve years ago he had fled the small town in which he had grown up in, secretly joining the crew of a hauling ship. He had let a few of his closest friends know the time he was leaving, and as the ship had pulled away from the dock they ran after it, crying out various farewells. “Goodbye Max! Have an adventure!” “You bastard! Running away without taking me with!” “Stay safe, and don’t forget us!” “I haven’t forgotten you,” he mused. “Especially not you…” Lena McCorskova. One of the local girls, and if not the prettiest or best dancer, doubtlessly the most artfully inclined. She was always making sketches of whatever happened to be about in her notebook, and writing small couplets as captions beneath them. And that was only one of her intriguing qualities in the eyes of Maxwell. She had long hair that looked black, but if you looked closely was simply an extremely dark brown. Under certain light it was possible to detect a sheen of red permeating through it. Her eyes were hard, and oddly colored, with a watery green that sparked with many colors when she was excited or angry. Her skin was milky white, burning light pink in the summer. Some of the other boys said that she looked strange, but Max always beat them until they changed their opinion, or at least learned to hide it. He thought the combination of her features and the light, flowery dresses that she was always wearing made her seem exotic and supernatural, like an elf that had decided to take up life among humans.
“Yes, it has been a long time,” he murmured. “But now I’ll see you again, and how much all of you have changed.” The island was coming up, and he returned to his cabin to finish packing up his few belongings. Some clean, practical and thoroughly without airs clothes, a pair of dark leather boots, a journal, the hunting knife his old captain had given him when he had left his service, and a copy of the Bible, blessed by the priest of his old parish. This was all his worldy possessions, not including a fairly heavy bag of money that was hanging from his belt. A member of the crew called out that they had reached land, and he straighted up, and walked through the corridors up to the deck of the ship.
Looking out at the dock, he saw that his letter had arrived in time, and he had a greeting party. John MacCutcheon, Phineas Franklin, and Gerry Ladlen; his best pals in the world when he had left. And down the road came Lena, walking onto the dock as the boat was made fast by the crew. She looked almost completely the same as he remembered her, except maybe a bit taller and more slender. A slight thinning of the face, which only improved her beauty, he thought to himself. And then it hit him, in strong, unquenchable waves, like the ones washing in from the sea. He had missed her. More than anything else. He knew what the feeling deep inside him that he had lived with for years was now. He finally recognized it for what it was, namely, a deep, aching loneliness. More accurately, the absence of Lena McCorskova in his life. And now he had her, and he was finally going to be content. He laughed out loud and barged down the ramp like a drunken man, staggering with the shifting of the boat and the ruckus in his heart.
He clasped hands and then embraced in a bear hug each of his old friends. Then he came to Lena. His eyes swiftly ran down her face and her body, and then they moved into a close, strong hug. As they parted, he noticed a glint of gold on her finger. He stared at it, as it revealed itself to be a ring. John lifted up his hand, laughing as he showed off his own matching ring, and stated, “Married last August! What a surprise, eh? That she chose an old ruffian like me.”
For a couple seconds, no one moved. Then he replied, slowly and carefully, “Well. That is a surprise. I had no idea. Congratulations.” They closed in around him, and the group began to walk up towards the town.
That night, there was a returning party at the MacCutcheon home. Many old friends had gathered once they heard the news, and at eleven o’clock the party had still not even begun to break up. However, Max took his chance to have a few private words with Lena once most of the others had started to feel the effects of the beer that had been consumed all evening, and they slipped out into the night. He asked, “Mind if we walk while we talk?” She nodded, and they went out onto a path leading into the woods that started at the back of their property.
They walked in silence for a while, and then Maxwell began to speak. He had some difficulty finding what words he wanted, though, and just choked out some garbled words. He was trying to form his thoughts into coherent words, when Lena spoke up. “Max…Please don’t say ‘I love you’ because if you do, that will make everything I’ve done be pointless, useless, and impossible to take back. I’ve married, made a name for myself under his name, and begun to really live life. And if you say you love me, that will turn all my plans upside down and then I have no idea what I’d do.” “But Lena…” he murmured, “That’s all that I can think of to say…”
He grabbed her in a tight embrace, kissed her on the lips, she returned it for a moment, then broke away sobbing. She started to run, losing her shoes in a mad dash to stay ahead of him. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the darkness. He chased her through the forest, and then they broke out into a field. There was a ring of stones standing in the middle, and a hole leading down into the earth at a slope. She dashed through the ring, and swiftly ran down into the hole. He followed a couple seconds behind. Once inside the hole, he witnessed her beating on a stone table, crying out “Father! Mother! Please! Let me come back to the fold! I realize now this was a mistake! I am not meant for life among mortals, for love! Please, let me return!” Her hair was flying about like in a high wind, and her eyes were sparking brighter than he had ever seen them before. When nothing happened, and she saw that he had followed her down into the cave, she cried out and pushed past him, knocking him into the wall. He recovered, and raced out to follow her.
As they reached the other side of the field, he became aware of a dull roaring. The Great Drain, the waterfall which all the mountain streams gathered to supply. They drew closer and closer, until she was standing on a large stone at the edge of the river. “Please, Lena…just come with me, we can try to make it alright,” he begged. “No! No! Stay away!” she shouted to make herself heard over the roar of the waterfall. “Stay back! Don’t come any closer!” she cried as she shuffled backward to match his forward pace. “I don’t want-“ Her words were cut off as she slipped on the wet rock, and fell into the river. He lunged forward, grabbed at her hand, pulled it out of the water and saw that he was gripping a branch. He looked down the river, saw her floating for one last second, then she went over the waterfall. Though he knew he was too late to save her, he jumped in after her anyway.

I Need It So Badly (Makes You Want To Laugh Out Loud At The Look On My Face When I Get It)

I'm wondering if you're like me
Do you spend your nights and warm summer days
Wondering why you stopped caring?
I think I know why, it's because we don't have a drug
Something to take away the sting of life
And when we can't feel that sting anymore
We know we've gone too far
I have no idea where I am, or how I got here
But I don't like it, so let me go

Question for everyone who has a little light shining inside
I think I turned mine off a long time ago
Is there any way I can get it back on?
Because there's bullets in my soul
And sadness in my heart
It's bad news but true, the combination of the two
Is tearing my mind apart
I need to tell someone, "just let me go" but I don't know who
Freedom could be what I need, I have no idea
I've never been free

Give me a drug
Give me some love
Give me a life
My hands are weak, my body is shaking
I don't know if I could stand being happy
But that's what I need, so give it to me
Let me find some new blood
Let my heart beat something other than me
If you don't to do this for me, leave
Cause I can't stand it if I can't have you
And you stay

Maybe on my own I'll feel like I'm free
(But every time I try that, someone ends up caging me)

Monday, June 25, 2007

Give Me A Hug, Sing Me A Song, Rock Me All Night, All Night Long

It's taken me so long to do this
I don't know if I'm awake, I can't even see straight
My heart's beating like a snare drum
Crashing and smashing through my thoughts
I feel nothing, even worse than numb
I'm so afraid that you might go

How am I supposed to do this?
What am I supposed to do?
I don't think life without you is something I can go through
The coffin is standing in the other room
I can smell the flowers from here
I know we only live for a short while
Is it too much to ask to see how quickly I can make it go?

So now I'm walking into the next room
Your family doesn't know who I am
I don't care, I'm cold inside for protection
You look so innocent, so young
So dead. where am I supposed to go now?
What am I supposed to do?
There was a time when life itself was nothing
Compared to what I felt for you
But now you're gone and I'm all alone
I don't know what to do
I'm so tired...is there any way I can follow you?

My lips touch your brow, and my tears start to fall
I stumble away, reach out and grab the wall
The gun is in my pocket, I could end it now
But I can't, I can't, I don't want to
Still, it hurts, and how...
I slide down, sobbing on the floor
My stomach is in pain, I'm curled in a wretched u-shape
I lived for you, now what do I do?
Do you really want me to see this through?
I breathed in time with your breath, lived inside your heartbeat
I'm all alone now
I have to keep living...but what can I do?
How on earth can I live without you?
I can't end my life, so I'll just fade away
A shadow of a man, dying in obscurity
Because then I'll be living again (when I'm dead, up there with you)

I don't know how to do this
I don't even know exactly what I'm supposed to do
But I guess I have no choice, I'm gonna see this through (for you)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Vampires Don't Bleed

I’m scared. John’s been gone for almost 15 minutes, probably. And I’m scared. He gave me a knife, and told me to be careful and quiet, and leave our hiding spot and try to get out of this dumb old castle if he wasn’t back in 15 minutes. I’m sure it’s been maybe almost that long, but I don’t want to leave. What if he comes back, and I’m gone? Or maybe he might need help, and I leave the wrong way and don’t find him, or just wait here while he’s lying out there dying…No. I have to do what he said. I wish we hadn’t come here, but we did, and now I should listen to what he said, because after all, he’s older, and smarter, and he loves me. I just know he does, because he said so, and I could tell he meant it. “Mary, you mean so much to me…I love you.” That’s what he said. And I’ll have to trust him.
Though I really wish we hadn’t come out here to the castle. I mean, it’s so creepy. I’ve never even been here during the day, and it must be close to midnight by now.
I guess it’s been 15 minutes by now…Okay, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna leave, and have his knife close beside me, and I’m gonna sneak out of here, all careful and silent, and I’ll meet him back at his car, and he’ll take me home and I’ll kiss him outside before I sneak back inside the house and go to bed. Yes, that’s exactly what’ll happen…Okay, here’s the door…Alright, now, down the hallway…turn left, another left, a right, through the room with the suit of armor, a left in this hallway, what was that? I swear, I thought I saw something white at the end of the hallway…No, there’s nothing there. Wow, this is just so creepy…I wish he hadn’t gone. I need him. But he said not to call out for him, so I won’t. I’ll pretend I’m not scared, and just remember I have his knife with me, and I can protect myself, and I’ll make it out of here okay, and meet him by the car. Okay, I can handle this…
Down the stairs…open the door. OKAY, I KNOW I SAW SOMETHING WHITE! Okay, okay, calm down…It was probably a bird, or a shadow or something…Moonlight, that’s what I bet it was. Just some moonlight that happened to get in through a hole in the wall or something. Walk across the creepy hall, peer around the door just to make sure OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE. Okay, okay, okay, calm down, I have his knife, I’ll be okay, this stuff doesn’t happen in real life, it’ll all turn out okay, I’ll just quick cross the hallway, the guy was turned the other way, he won’t see me, I’ll be quiet and quick, and I’ll be out of here and he’ll never know anyone was here. Oh no…Maybe he got John? No…No, that can’t be…but it probably is…I know, I’ll get out of here, get to the car, and if he isn’t there I’ll run down to the village and get the police, they’ll come up here and they can chase off this tramp or whoever it is and find John and everything will be okay. It’ll all be okay…
Alright, now, peer around the corner, yep, still there, okay, tighten my grip on the knife, dash across the hallway, oh no, I made some noise, just run, he won’t catch me, oh no, he is he is he is he’s coming up behind me okay when he gets close I’ll turn around and just stab him with the knife and run okay yeah HERE HE IS…
Oh my god, I just stabbed him right in the heart…he’s staggering backward, and the knife is stuck in him…He looks young…or old…neither, I guess, I don’t know…But he’s so pale…and his clothes are all white, and OH MY GOD, he’s pulling the knife out, and laughing, HE’S LAUGHING, THERE’S NO BLOOD? HOW CAN THERE BE NO BLOOD! I HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE HEART, I…Oh no, he’s saying something…what is it…”Little darling…didn’t you know? Vampires don’t bleed…”

Life Is What They Call It When Bad Things Happen To Good People

When you wake up
Do you feel like taking a chance or do you know you'll be happy enough with him?
Maybe falling in love was an accident, but
I'm still trying
To be more like him
So I can be better for you
I'm still trying, and I wonder what you said last night
Said last night to him

When I wake up
I feel like taking my chances on
The wild hope that somehow life will turn around
And maybe someday I'll hear the sound
Of you saying "I do" next to me
Maybe I'll die young, and "we" will just remain something that could have happened
Where is your boy today
When I know you need him the most
Where is he late at night
When you're feeling cold and lost

And could I have been a hero
And could I have saved the day
All these broken promises should never have been left that way
If you promise not to hate me
I guess you're the one person who could get me found out
And exposed in all the places
Where I let everyone down

Why can you listen to me like no one else
How can I make you need me
Just as much as I need you?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Love Feels So W(St)rong, All Night Long

Every night I stay up to see another day
Hoping you'll appear and talk to me
But it didn't work tonight; it never does
And so I ascend the stairs
And wait for you there
'Cause maybe I might see you at the top of the stairs
And I could tell you how much I miss you (it's been almost two days, after all)
So now it's to the bathroom
Where I stand naked in front of the mirror
Pop off a few pushups, because everyone knows you can't be loved if you don't have muscles
If I ever think that I'm wrong, I keep on going just the same

So now I'm dressed up in pajamas, and climbing into bed
And I swear, as I lie in the dark, looking out the window
You're all that's in my head
And I can't sleep, I can't sleep
Because you're just on the other side of town
And the other side of the world
So I lie on my stomach with my arms folding around me
Or on my back, hugging my teddy bear
Watching the lights on the ceiling from the cars that go by
I wish you were lying next to me
Just so we could talk and stay up all night
Cause right now I'm a sad song, and I can't sleep

But eventually I do end up slipping off into unconciousness
And dreams result
And when I die, I watch you cry
And hold my hand as I slip away
Sometimes you die
And you can't imagine how I cry
Because it feels like someone just ripped my heart out
And threw it on the ground
...I can't put it back together

After the horror, and years spent alone
I wake up again
And watch the sun come up again
Question for you; do you sleep through the night
Without feeling a thing?
I can't ever manage that...but if I did
I think it'd maybe feel a little bit wrong
Where can I run to, and where can I hide
When I'm sleeping off the pain, and it sticks inside?

Don't ever tell me that you've never meant anything to me
Because I won't be able to express how much you're wrong.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Me/Not Me, I Hope

There's a narrow line between love and hate
But it's glaringly clear to me
It's right there, where I step over from thinking about the feel of your face
And the smell of your hair, and the look of your eyes
To what it'd feel like to be breaking you from the inside
It's been said many times that in every man is a monster
And it's the sad truth that sometimes it is let out
But that's only if I cross the line
And I know there's nothing I want (and everything I hate)
There on the other side.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I Hear They Have A Wall In China, But I Bet It Ain't As Long As Our Song (When We're Dancing All Night)

If thermometers don't lie, it was 200 degrees
On that sweet summer night, when we couldn't find anything to do at all
Personally, though, I have my doubts about the wisdom of machines
And I swear to the sky I don't know what these lines are supposed to mean
'Cause every single time I find I'm writing about love
Every single line in every single poem
They always seem to be about how I'm trying to find my own way home
Well, I mean, come on! gimme a break...
Love is great and all, but if that's all your life is, isn't that a mistake?
Or maybe it isn't, and what it's all about is what would happen if I woke up next to you
And some other little plots about rings, vows and the words "true blue"
The sun's already set, I'm sitting here typing
And I really don't know what to do

Should I put on a face? make it a bold and brave one?
Maybe these above lines are ones I should erase
Most likely they'll just make me lose face...
How come when I'm alone I feel like a stranger
In a small, friendly town
Where everyone likes you, but without someone traveling with you
It just feels temporarily wrong
Like an awkward chord change
In a remake of your favorite song

Even though I'm just a poet
Who sits up and writes all night
I'd always try to be your man
And cry out to the crowd
"Make way for the lover parade
Make way for my girl"
And they'd all part, just enough to let you through
Which would be okay, cause after all
If I got stepped on and crushed, it'd all be for you

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Give Them A Shout To Remember

All these years wasted on an telephone dial tone
Sometimes they make so much sense
And sometimes they just make me wish I had died at my childhood home
'Cause all that wasted time is part of what makes my heart roam
All alone
On the other hand, I'm probably happier than I could have ever known
(All alone)


But this isn't something I plan to let build up inside of me
All the bad feelings and perverse attractions
To things that lurk and terrorize
I'm gonna wipe my eyes and tell myself they can't harm me
And same to all the jealousy, the greed and lust
I'm gonna bundle them up tight
And let them fall away
It's hard to fight something that you can't allow to be real
So this is how I kill it, I guess
Poetry could work, God bless

I'll just give a shout they'll remember
Before I spend all my inspiration and fade into obscurity
Bad feelings work the best for making words rhyme
But if I can get rid of them, I think I'll definitely be blessed

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Sum Of Her Summer

I woke up this morning, and thought I heard summer
But it was only our neighbor mowing his lawn
I went downstairs, and could have sworn I saw summer
It just turned out to be the young, tan athlete who was delivering our paper
With a couple of his friend's following him on his route
As I walked into the kitchen, I was sure I smelled summer
But it was only lemons and sugar, as you were making lemonade
Later, riding my bike to the ice cream shop, I thought I tasted summer
But no, it was only chocolate chip mint on my tongue
And that night I loved the feel of holding you in my arms
I think that might have been summer

Yes, I'm pretty sure that was summer
(That was you)

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Excuse Me, I'm Out Chasing Cars Trying To Find Myself

Is it the heat that makes you sweat?
Was it the sun that baked you red?
Can you feel my hand hovering above your neck?
And do you like that?
Could you like that?
Or are you burning all your feelings for me
In your body's tired pain
Maybe what's going on inside your head
Is something you don't care to explain...

Life and death and love are the things on my mind
But the face of the angel floating in the wind outside my window
Is faded and lined
Again, I don't know what's going on inside
I feel like I'm deaf and blind
To everything everyone around me is trying to show or say
Sorry, guys, but I can't deal with it right now
I can't even understand you, anyway

I don't even feel the sun...
Sorry not today
Leave a message at the beep, any uplifting words I'll be sure to keep

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I'm Just A Kid. And You're Just You. And We're So Special, We Can't Control It

I'm writing this poem
Because that's what I do
And I tell you girl, I'm writing this for you
Oh, I'm just going to say it right out
Or, that was the plan
Until my mouth wouldn't work right
My jaws wouldn't close, and my tongue wouldn't go where I told it to
Oh girl, this is what you do to me
And as long as you are transfixed by my eyes
And my heart is beating in your chest
I don't think either of us will be completely free
But, in truth, it'll be easier for you to break away from me

But girl, I love you
I'd say your name, but I don't know if you want all of them to know
In fact, I don't even know if you want to know
Good lord, you're just so special
And I don't know what to say
Besides, "I think I love you
More than anyone before"
Beware, that's probably the music speaking
But oh God...my heart just stops every time

You know how to do art
I can't
But at least I can sometimes rhyme
I just wonder sometime if you'll ever frame a poem of mine
And if I'll be able to put a picture of yours on the wall

If you don't love me, then I guess we can just be friends
But if you do, or could
I'd be willing to wait forever and the obligatory day
And I think this poem wants to go on forever
I don't know what to say to you
I wonder what you want to say to me?

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Let's Call It A Draw, Because I'm Too Tired Argue That You're Right

I'm waiting
And watching
Hoping, too
And wondering if my wishes and dreams
Can, or will, come true
Because I am waiting
I think, my love, for you

But yet again the night comes
Why can't it just leave me be?
Because the sun burns my eyes
And the hot noon rain soaks me to the core
But even though I'm fitted to the night
Sleep makes me toss and turn
And wish I knew for sure that there was someone
Who just wanted to hear my voice
And know I'm alright

If you'll hear me out
I'm just gonna tell you a dream I have
I'm getting lost in the woods during winter
But I find you, and we start to find our way back
Oh, I can't tell you how I feel
These words aren't enough
I suppose all I can do
Is pray and hope that you fall in love

(I'd trade my high class life
For a true blue love
And I'd rip and tear the stars from the sky
If the only jewels you wanted
Were set in heaven above)

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Will You Come To My Funeral? (or) Are You My Friend?

Are you my friend? Are you really?

If I was lonely and bored, would you be willing to drop what you're doing and have me over? Even if you were tired, with a killer headache? Would you be okay if I saw you in a public place and snuck up behind you and gave you a big hug? Even if you were with a bunch of people I'd never met? Could you spend an hour on the phone with me and not get bored and try to ditch me? Even if I'm dead tired and lacking in all coherence? Would you lend me $10 and just let the debt slide? Even if it was for some completely useless crap from a garage sale? Would you volunteer with me for whatever, just so I'd have a friendly face to be around? Would you give me the keys to your house? Turn me away if I turned up smashed on your doorstep, or let me in and give me a place to sleep? Be there at any time to talk or just listen, whenever my heart happens to pick up another scratch or ding? Would you come to my funeral? Would you speak at it? Would you come to my wedding? Would you get plastered and slur funny comments into the video camera for us to laugh over years later? Would you consent to be my designated driver, even for the most boring and embarrassing high school reunion ever? Would you go on a cross country trip with me if I called you the day I was leaving? Would you walk to my house to lend me an umbrella during a thunderstorm if I had an errand to do, and my own umbrella was lost? Would you give me your jacket if you saw me shivering, even if it was 5 degrees below freezing and all you had on underneath was a t-shirt and jeans? Would you tell me that you're my best friend, and mean every word of it?

Am I your friend? Really?

I'd be willing to have you over, even if I was in the grip of The World's Worst Migraine. I'd hug you back, even if I was having lunch with my bosses. I'd listen to every sleep deprived word of your raving, and only laugh with you, not at you. I'd give you 2o bucks if I had them, just to help you satisfy one of your whims you ran into at an antique shop. I'd help you clean streets, even if you were just doing it as part of your community service time. I'd give you keys to my house, and the keys to my car if you wanted them. I'd give you a place to sleep, and a meal in the morning no matter what your condition, any time you showed up at my door. I'd try my best to fix every dent your heart gets hit with, no matter when you need me to help. I'd go to your funeral, and if I wasn't crying too hard, I'd get up and lie about how you had no faults whatsoever, and tell the truth about how my life was better every single minute since the moment I met you. I'd go to your wedding, drink champagne by the quart and slur my goodwishes into the video camera, for you to treasure for years to come. I'd be your designated driver even if we were going to a party at the house of a master brewer. If you called me 15 minutes before you were leaving to cross the country, I'd throw together a packback full of clothes and get someone to watch the house and be ready to go before you came to pick me up. I'd take the city bus during a hurricane if you needed someone to go out and get you groceries. And, when I'd show up soaking with a bag of cereal, fruit, beef jerky and milk outside your door, I wouldn't let a word of complaint pass my lips. I'd give you my jacket even if we were boarding a plane in Alaska in winter, if you were cold. Do I really need to tell you that you're my best friend? You're my best friend.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

You're So Far Away/I'll Pretend I'm Happy Until You Come With Me

I like it when
Our arms brush in the car
And I enjoy it when
You say, "go too far?"
And we drive a little farther
Than our gas supply can take us
And we hold off on the trek to the gas station
So you can just lie in my arms

I noticed I was in love with you quite suddenly
When I woke up one night and thought you were lying next to me
(But it was just a dream) For a moment I liked where you slept

How come whenever I find "a one"
She always says no to me?
Just give up and be nice to me
All I want to do is keep you warm in my arms
And keep you in love as long I can possibly
When I write love letters that are just tossed in the fire
They don't mean a thing
Just be my friend
Then let our friendship end
So we can fall in love
And I'm sure you could have been made for me
If it's a golden cage you're afraid of
I can promise to keep you free
(Please?)

Monday, May 28, 2007

Unfinished poem

Hearts roam far in these dark ages
While the sunlight mostly shines on the living and the dying
So can you watch the heavens for a sign from above?
Nothing is more needed than an expression of divine love
Because it's so hard to walk this life alone
And underneath the veil of an eastern lady
Shines the bright eyes of a western girl
And over us all, throughout the whole world
A song is sung as the race is being won
But by whom? that's the question

Saturday, May 26, 2007

On Sadness (or) *tear tear*

Here's a question I just have to ask; what makes things sad? I mean, not just "oh, that sucks" type sad, but like, the deep, personal type of sadness. When you're touched so deeply, in a place where your normal life never comes close to reaching, that even if what touched you is happy or good, you still become sad. It's like at the core of each of our beings is a bundle of sadness, and we don't even know it's there. But anyway, really, What makes things sad?
There are some things that will touch people repeatedly or with the same or similar reaction. Some songs will do it, (for me it's Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright) and other times it is a certain poem, or movie sequence, or picture, or something else entirely. It just has to be something that reminds us that we are alive, life is filled with pain, to feel it is normal, to not ever cry from the sheer agony of being alive is insanity, and most importantly, Love Hurts, because what we are at the core of our beings is love and sadness. When we are reached, touched deeply by something, tears (a basic signal of sadness/strong emotion) are almost always a part of the experience.
But, again, what makes things touch so many different people? There must be some kind of equal imprint upon us all, to make the same song, or poem or painting or whatever it may be have such a strong effect on thousands of us humans. I think that one of the basic ways of defining humanity must be the effect of Art. Even if computers were capable of making advanced, autonomous decisions, they wouldn't be human if they didn't cry at the sound of heartbreak, in fact, to truely be human, you must be moved. There is evidence that poetry is a natural, instinctual form of art, and this must be true. No matter how scientifically advanced a civilization is, if they are not moved by emotion at the core of their beings, they are not humanity.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The Blisters On My Feet Don't Hurt As Much As The Calluses On My Heart

Listen carefully
Just like me
As I walk down this shadowy road
I think I can hear the ticking of a broken heart
And I realize, "that's too bad" because the ticking walks with me
Oh boy, my broken heart is ticking away
Like a time bomb or a death watch
And on this lonely road it's the only sound I hear

But I can make out other people through the shadows and the fog
Even though their faces are shadowed
And they are cold to the touch
I guess I'm still alone
Walking this crowded road

And I'm still feeling unbearably alone
Even as the lights dim
And you whisper in my ear
Come on, I know that this isn't you
Because you're not the same person I wasted hours on the phone with
Or dreamt about and was the subject of the wish
That I held so dear
Just let me look past the sweat
And dark lust and desire
So I can see the girl who turned my world
And helped me figure out who I was

It's 1:00 AM and I woke up
Cause the light of the moon and the sound of the train
Reminds me I have no idea what to do
She is an absolute everything to me
But just a myth, one that keeps away the horror by being believed in
The ticking of my watch, abandoned on the floor
Starts up my heart, and I get out of bed
Get dressed
And pace back and forth in front of the door
Shall I walk that lonely road?
It's all that's left now, I suppose
And the effects of love are really more just collateral damage
From hearts seeking some little contentment
But it's a beautiful night, perfect for walking
And I don't need to talk, as I walk this dim-lit road

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Sunset Rd. Just Set On My Sun

He said it one last night as he shut the door
"Honey, I'm just too tired to care anymore
And I've really got to go"
Well, sometimes these things happen
And you just have to kindof let it ride
Which is hard, I know, when some is ripping your heart out
But really, what can you do besides see it through?
Just bide your time and wait for the return
Of the one who's more than you

And another thing to remember is that he just needs some space
Really, it's a need, not a want
Because if it was a want it wouldn't be hurting him
So just pray that there won't be a car crash
That'll turn your life into a heartbreak song
Just pray that everything comes back together
And sews itself up
Without even a scar

I can't believe all those lies and promises
And I just need to work this out
It'll only be for a while, honey (there the promises go again)
But I really have to go

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Too Tired To Stop Working At My Problems

...What am I suppose to know here?
Why does everyone stare at me
Like there's some line I'm supposed to say
I'm a horrible actor
And I can't live my life this way
Just help me find a secret place where I can find some protection
And curl up and hide from the world
Please, just give me a hand
Throw me a flotation heart
Something I can pull myself out of the water on
Because even though I've been crowned king of the sea by popular vote
I'm afraid of deep water
And drowning
Even with you floating next to me

I know I'm supposed to recite cliches
For displaying love and dedication
But I'm uncomfortable at the thought
Of hoodwinking an entire nation
Of people who think that I don't feel
And can't hurt at all
I want to let you know that I have a wit
I can be original! I swear I can!
I can burn brighter than them all
If you cast me into the flames

Just listen to the words I whisper
Into your deafened, ringing ears
Try to understand when I tell you
That for now, there's nothing and no one
Who can equal you
For I'm so tired sometimes
When the pain just sets in deep
That I have to bleed out all my hate and envy
So I'm not some upright standing gentleman creep
And now is the time, my dear sweet darling
I tuck you in, and kiss you to sleep
And slid out of bed, put on my suit
Slide my feet into boots
And place a gun next to my heart
I'm dressed up and dangerous
And ready to see this through
Now if only I could win this losing battle
Or at least have any taste of victory at all
('Cause you know, I'd just be drinking it for you)

When The World Is On Fire, Who Puts It Out? Or Do We All Just Burn Together?

[this poem is dedicated to my friend Amanda]

Sometimes when I'm rising and falling
Taking pictures of sunflowers and the bodies in the streets
I just have to say
"I'm sure you'll carry on and make it through
Because, after all, the world has never seen someone just like you"
Cliched words, but I really don't care
Because no matter how you are
Living, loving, broken, defeated, dead
Or hopeful
We'll keep you inside our hearts
Even when we don't know where they are
Or do, and can't tell you

And Oh, there's so many bright lights
And no, no welcoming shadows at all
I hope you're not afraid to keep on living
Because sometimes we just have to walk alone
Although, really, we have Someone walking behind us all the time
Despite this, and a traveling song
Sometimes I get so weak
And the worlds changes form
With everything I once held dear a freak
And he'll see you lying next to him
And whisper words that he's never heard
No matter what you do, there will always be someone
Who can make you forgiven

But now's the time to confess;
You messed up
Or maybe we both did (but it's still mostly your fault)
Although, ya know, that doesn't really matter
Because the alarm just goes off earlier if you always wake up late
(Nothing's wrong with waking up late
If you never got any sleep at all
And nothing is bad when you try to make it right
As long as you do your best before you give up for the night)

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

With All The Flashing And All The Shadows, It's Surprising I Even Showed Up To This Press Conference

Why does it all have to be so hard
Why can't I just say "I love you"?
Would it really do that much to rock your world
Would it be that thoughtless to tell you what you should know
That I think you have my heart
And there's not much that can be done to change my part
In this elaborate play of life

With a life that's this demanding
It's good that it's at least this forgiving
And my eyes are shinging bright
From tears if you say no
And anticipation until you do
I'm sure that if you stick around, eventually you'll be forgiven
Even though there's nothing you think the mob wants more than your head

Why are you lying awake?
Can't you sleep, lying next to me?
Or are you just thinking, pondering love and ectasy?
I'm sure that if you sleep, you'll keep on living
Because too much of a good thing can kill you, especially if that good thing
Was never meant for feeling at all

And this whole poem is a metaphor
Or maybe I'm just aimlessly throwing words out
Hoping some of them will fall into someone's heart
And maybe mean something special to them
Well, I don't know for sure, I've been told
That if I don't rhyme these poems
They quickly grow old
And I don't know
Exactly what they're supposed to do
Except that it somehow involves a heart

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Play Revival, Pt. 2

Well, I guess this is good bye
Good lord, good riddance
Because this is the very worst thing of all
That I should have leave you here
When in reality it's you that's leaving me

But I know
There's nothing I can say
That'll sound sweet, and not like revenge
Because all the left (behind) part of my heart wants
Is to kiss you goodbye, and make you stay
But the right half of the blood pump in my chest
And the rest of my body, all it wants is to is watch you walk away
But make sure you don't get home

And the world is messing with my head
Making my teenage dreams rip themselves to shreds
Maybe its left you alone
But not me
So all I need is a heart to make mine
And then I'll be able to bury these young, (but still worn out) bones
And have them up in time to go to school
And learn how I'm supposed to carry on through life
Instead of how I've learned to survive

Can someone call a medical man?
Because our actor just fell down onstage
His lips are moving, and he seems to be ok
But we have to halt the show
For we want it all
A perfect act, and better lie
And our leading man is just that
A man, not a hero
So give him time to bleed
We'll have him on again in a little under an hour

Friday, May 11, 2007

Dandelion

It's a dandelion. It was one of the few in my yard when I took this picture; now they're everywhere.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

My Heart Will Always Be The Understudy For My Hurt

I've got a feeling/And it feels like a threat/And the taste on my lips/Is one I'd rather forget/Because sleeping brings dreams/Which bring me back to you/And I hate to be reminded of the worst time for me to lose

Not tonight/Not ever/Because when light ceases/So does life, and love/And everything that gave us our flavor/Just leave me alone in the cold/I think you'd be doing me a favor

I've got a feeling/And it feels like regret/And the sound of your voice/Is what my heart bled/But the blood keeps flowing/Wettens my sheets like a flood of emotion/And stains floor, and creeps under the door

Not tonight/Never, forever/Because the light is dimming/And the victims of love/Are spitting their regrets in my face/And if they can't put them into my head/My heart is the only other place

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

That Summer Feeling (or) Sunshine, Memories and etc.

Tonight I'm getting that summer feeling. I carried my laptop outside to write, and I don't regret it. I didn't listen to any music, I turned the sound off on my comp. I just sat in the dark and typed. Without any movement, all my aches and pains from the day stood out. Without me making any sound, everything, from birds saying goodnight, to windows opening, to neighbors talking three doors down, everything stood out. There's a heavenly breeze; scented with all kinds of flowers. The temperature is just right; not too warm, not too cold, just a tiny bit cool.

And this is making me get my summer feeling. It's where I feel like I should just break free, go walking and visit my friends, even though it's late at night. I want to just forget about troubles and responsibilities, and live life happily. And carefree.

Maybe that'll happen someday, but not tonight. I have to get to bed. There's lots of work that still needs to be done, and I need my sleep.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Play Revival, Pt. 1

When I was a young boy
My father played piano
He was playing when I woke up in the morning
And he played all through my days
He calmed me in the evening
And from the dining room sung me to sleep at night
And when he died, and gave up his last breath
He was sitting, playing at the piano
And he told me, "Son, when you grow up
Remember, life isn't what it seems
Before you break down or they fade away
Remember to capture your dreams"

But the world just kept on wheeling
And kicking me along
Though I'm limping, breaking and bleeding
I still feel the bite of its boot, and it feels wrong
And visiting him on his anniversary of early goodbye
I can hear him playing
And he keeps playing, great enough to wake the dead
And he does, and they do
Wake, then die
Sleep, but don't take me
Because nothing can harm me in my dreams
But only when I let them slip away
That's when they frighten me in the dark
And tell me I was too late

Mask by Jillian K.

All of life is a performance
at least that's what they say
You make the props,
the scenery, the script,
but it's all improv and feeling.
But what happens when
you can't feel anything
How can you go on?
If all of an actor's talent
comes from the heart,
how are you supposed to
create the illusion for the audience?
Or do you have to retire
and be a spectator?
When feeling goes
what is left?
I'll tell you what is left,
A mask and nothing else.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

An Empty Stage And An Echo Are All That's Left Of The Greatest Show On Earth

I've changed my tune since you left me
Now I think I'm finally ready to give up on you
Instead of wondering
What's making you give up on me

But your eyes make it so hard
Even though neither of us want to be here
I can't stand the thought of "over"
So I'm asking myself
Can I give up on you?

Maybe not, maybe so
Possibly yes, and probably no
But I, I give up on you
And the love I could have had
Please, just let me give up
Because with a girl like you
It's just too hard to let you go

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Untitled

Maybe we're all the one who's messed up
Dropping apologies like spoiled fruit on the ground
Or maybe we're all just forced attendees
Of a mix between a funeral, boot camp and masquerade ball
Where everyone lies
And everyone dies
To the beating of the marching drum
And the sound of the sergeant's cry

But this blood upon my palm
Reminds me that I'm still around
And so is everything else around me
That I can scrape and scratch my soul on
So come on you unbelievers
You shan't stand before this army
For we are armed with faith
Faith with the ground on which we walk
And the air with which we talk
And the God for which we speak
For all among us will die loved
From the quiet hero to the vocal freak
We are here

I will let my words enslave no one
But let them decide how they will
Make the truth contained in them.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I Saved This As A Draft And Published It As A Failure

It's been a long long time since I've felt this
But the heat of hate is almost comforting
Sort of like an anti-bliss
A cardiac amputation
That leaves me gasping and in pain
But reassures me that I'm still alive (for now)
Now isn't the time for apologies and talks
Just for running away without saying goodbye
Even though I don't like leaving under the stare
Of eyes that plainly say, "die"

Running through the forest and field
Back to the sweet dream I once knew
I fall down the hill to the river below
My hope comes true; you came here too
But so did he
Penetrating my dream, and me
And simply one of his looks has shook
And broken, and frozen
My heart

This is the last time
This is my very last time
I said, this is the very last time
I'll let someone take my life
Don't say no when I ask why
This is the way things had to be

Monday, April 30, 2007

If It Was Up To Me, I'd Be Right Up Next To You

The house is silent, as a grave
I walk slowly and carefully, reminding myself to behave
As I should in such esteemed company
I find the doorknob, turn it and run
As from out of the room floats "shut the ******* door!"
From my esteemed hosts, lying on the floor

Ohhh, oh oh
I can't believe it's true
But apparently I faked it
Because all the words were fired
But none of them hit true (hit you)
And isn't this exactly where I shouldn't be
Or maybe it's just where I ended up, and isn't good or bad at all
Although I'm probably just trying to justify making bad mistakes

I swore already in the courtroom
That I saw the narrator shot dead in the prologue
Yes, I know the protagonist found him in the second to last chapter
But I swore I saw him shot and killed before the story ever started
And can't I make any of these poems rhyme?
That irritates me to no end
You know, that the ending sounds of my lines never seem to blend
But, that doesn't matter tonight, my friend

Because no matter where you are
Or how stupid my words sound
I'm just going to softly sing you to sleep
With you lying like a little child in your big empty bed

Honestly, if I could I would make this right
And honestly, I wish I had heard your voice
Before I dropped off to sleep in this cold lonely bed

Sunday, April 29, 2007

1st Ever Guest Poem! "I'm From", By Rachel E.

I'm from a Family that Teaches,
While my brother teaches me patience
My dog teaches me responsibility

I'm from my room
My practice place,
My guitar sits on my lap,
As I strum every chord as if they all
Had some sort of meaning

I am from the kitchen
Scavenging for food,
Opening the refrigerator searching for
Some food that looks satisfying at the time

I am from the softball diamond
I stand on the pitchers mound,
My turf, And of course
I pitch a perfect strike

I am from the computer,
iTunes, AIM, and Internet
are always open when
I am on the computer

I am from banana cream pie
Baked by my grandma
Topped with one extra scoop
Of whipped cream

I am from a camp ground,
A Warm fire, and smores
At night the chrickets chirp slowly
Puts you to sleep

I am from friends
We stick together like
Fruit kabobs
We’re always there for eachother

I am from Starbucks
That is where I live
A caramel latte with cinnamon cake
Is all I need

I am from the lake
Swimming until I can’t swim any longer
Maybe riding swiftly around in my grandpa’s boat
Or maybe being pulled on
A tube by a thin wire

This is where I’m from

Friday, April 27, 2007

When I Woke Up, I Was Willing To Take My Chances On You (But Now I Don't Believe In Happy Endings)

There's three thousand people standing in my bedroom
Telling me that I'm looking for comfort where hearts
Shouldn't dare sleep
"Well, damn you all" I say as I slink
Out to the bathroom, and stick my head in the sink
I shower with the faucet, and wish for a longer reprieve
From the corpses of my past mistakes and the consciences
Of all the other people in my life

Have you been reading the news?
'Cause recently it's just been about how I always lose
Hidden inbetween the lines, yes, that's true
But you know I'd never ever lie to you
About the things my heart told me last night
Because that, of course, just wouldn't be right
Now I have to admit, I've hid behind romantic words
But now the long haul of my friends is slowly
Dragging me out

Keep quiet, they're coming round the corner
And we're both in a compromised position
I thought you wanted to keep your first big mistake a secret
So stuff my heart underneath the sheets
And pretend we never even liked each other at all
Because obviously you can't live with a boy for a friend
So this is something I'm going to have to have the strength to end

But there's the appeal
Of lying in the dark
And wondering if you'll believe any of the words at all

Six A.M. In The Morning Was Too Late For Yesterday

Sun sets down
Town starts up
Gunshots echo; the party's started
Knives flash; the party's getting going
The way your girlfriend does it
I can't get enough

This town's alive
Living with the dead
And the inbetweens, not to sound mean
This event looks like it's going just fine
The music is so loud
No one heard me meet her at the back door

The lights are flashing
And I don't know if anyone else can tell
That those sirens aren't part of the song
I'm thinking we all better get ready to do some heavy duty running

With the way your girl does it
I honestly can't get enough

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Why Do People Burn Liars?

The sun sets, the light fades
From this jungle of purple and violet
The animals dream, some of them prowl
And eat each other in crunching bites
While angels drift overhead
Watching life turn more life dead
Drifting like clouds, floating like mist
This world explodes as the sun races back up
Pursued by an angry moon
With teeth of stars it snaps at the golden globe
Awards, He deems, are necessary for everyone involved
This is such a passionate play
With mixing of life and death, of night and day
Without pause, without end
But then He thinks and works his thoughts
Allknowningly guessing what shall be "accidentally" wrought
Behold, comes Man

A prey at first, but sticks and stones come to hand
Hand comes to mind
And the world is changed
Man has come, as He sees
Persecuting all animals, from the great mammoths
To bees
Nothing shall stand in this creature's way
For He has authored it today
It's another act in a passionate play

Untitled, Except For This

In my very own way
I'm totally insane
I'm unique, precious and trashy, despite everything they say
They're still just "they"
The people no one knows
And the truth that no one shows
Here's a heavy metal remix of the sadness that you felt
Until the sound fades out
And we all fall asleep in the silence

Here's a myth that I have to believe in
You love me half as much I love you
Because I'm sitting here waiting for the world to keep on ticking
And I'm not sure if I'll know when it does
Oh, I really don't know if I can find a place
In your diary, in your life
As a friend, as something else
That I don't recognize

But I can tell, it's something that's
Very new, impossibly new, considering how old it is
So new, to these four eyes

Sunday, April 22, 2007

I'm Soaring On Broken Wings

We're the people who hide behind these words
Lurking in the dark, loving the light
When it happens to shine our way
And the door just closed on all chances of returning to the things we hated before
So light a match to light up the room
And burn up the oxygen

The sound of your fingers on the keys
Is sultry, unbelievable
As is the warning it gives me
The notes hang in the air like vipers or scorpions
Scorning me and the love I thought to bring

So I step outside and find a whole new life
A girl who smells like summer night as I bury my face in her hair
Instead of a girl who stinks of perfume and high living
And it was love, Love, who tore us apart
Love made me do it, "it was the devil!" she cries
I can see the desperation in her eyes
And feel from here the jolt of her heart
As she tries to grab me back again
But Love, love tore us apart
And is the one that has sewn me and her together
My summer girl as we sleep under a bridge
The night air cold but sweet
As we turn our backs to the city
And our hearts to the concrete

Saturday, April 21, 2007

And All Along, It Was Just The Intermission, Not A Failure

Waking up at night
There's a face pressed against your window glass
But it vanishes, it just can't last
Cause I can't make myself get you back
For keeping your love from me
But the bile still rises to my throat
When I feel so trapped and alone
I need friends, I need enemies
To talk to, to fight with all the time
Because living your life under bedsheets sucks

I made a wish at 11:11
But it never left the safety of my tongue
And I wish for love ever moment of when I do
The memories of times alone and together blend and blur
And mix together in to you
If you just put your hand in mine
And I, mine in yours
Then we could block out this aching world
I'm waiting for your reply, but it isn't coming
So we sit, and stare at the stars from the roof of your parents house
Where our hearts used to talk

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I'll Try To Hold You In, Even Though You're Mostly Just A Beautiful Feeling

No matter what words I choose
They never work out right
Because none of them ever say
Anything about how I'm thinking about you all night
I'm praying for love
And maybe a little more
Than "just friends"

I'm afraid to say
That I wouldn't be caught dead in a graveyard like this
But that doesn't stop me now
Not after last night
Not after the sound of your voice
And the sound of my heart coming back together
There never was a more beautiful collision

There isn't much between you and me
Just some doubt, and one or two vague wishes
I'm so tired of writing poems for someone who doesn't realize it
And it's such a problem when my inspiration is not getting what
I want
Just say "one more night"
I'll try to make it up to you one very last time
Cause, see, you're just like a sunrise to me
Only sweeter

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It's Funny How You Look In The Mirror And Talk To Yourself, Saying "She Looks Just Like You..."

[This poem is dedicated to my friend Dani]

The lights come on
And so do you
Then the rest of us file out on stage
To entertain for the night in our own special way
And I swear, this whole world never seemed so alive
With the moon shining down and the people all around

You get chills in the dark
'Cause there's someone waiting by the backdoor of the building
You can't make who it is out through the dark
But that doesn't matter, 'cause it's me
And I leave before you can notice that it's me
Oh, there shouldn't have been any turning back that night
I hope you understand that that whole thing was an accident
Only caused by sentiment and instinct
But there shouldn't have been any turning back last night
Because I've always been told that the hard thing is what's right

I hope that this is whole thing isn't just a dream
Or maybe a sweet nightmare
I just need to break out and wake up
And look out the window and find out if out there lies disaster
Or paradise
Which ever it is, I'll just laugh
Because after sleeping for so long, any reality is a relief

You're not who you think you are
And neither am I
Again, I just have to laugh at the disaster outside
Maybe I'll take my bike out for a ride
Just to see if I can outrace myself for a little while
I didn't think that you'd need to escape too
But that could be the only reason to make you ride so fast
And maybe the realization wouldn't have hurt so much
If it hadn't come so swiftly around that corner

(All your friends say you're too far gone
But I say not, unless they're afraid of walking at night
Because I prowl the streets looking for someone
And it could be anyone, especially you)

Monday, April 16, 2007

She's Not My Girlfriend, But This Is Too Good A Love Poem For A Single Boy

Can you tell me with a straight face
That this isn't what you wanted?
Because I'd change for you (in fact, I already have)
Just to be who you want your boy to be
(But I have a feeling you just want me to be who I want to be)
Here's a question for all the sharp minds out there
How can I be what she wants me to be? and still be the perfect boy?
'Cause what she wants for me and what she wants for herself are two seperate things
I feel bad, because the shock sets in
And I don't know what to do

Now here's a dilemma
I can be the perfect me
Which can be the perfect boy
For I've got a quicker wit
A more tender touch and a way better love
Than any of those blonde-haired, blue-eyed, ten girls a minute men
For brown and quiet is a poet's soul
And all poets are lovers in some deep, sensual way
This is a poem and a song
To you, my valentine that I never sent
And the road that I never went
Traveling down. that lonely sound
Haunts me when I sleep
The sound of happiness
And the scent of someone else on your mind
Can we just get together
And find out who we really are?

(I love you. Honestly. I do.
Even from a million miles away
From the darkest night through the brightest day
You and your memory is never far away)

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Just Let Your Doubts Be Quiet; They'll Go Away

I'm writing you a love note from a million miles away
Imagining you in the sweet summer night
Thinking of you during the heat of the day
Tell me who you want tonight
I'll tell you if you're right
We've both waited so long, for a love so true
And all we've found are failures, making us blue
I'm sure it could last, me and you
Because four times over I've bit my tongue when you called another winner
And I've washed your decks for what seems like years
After every storm you sail through
Hey, Miss Golden Girl
Do you think you could take a chance on a boy like me?
One who's too weak to let you down
And too noble to tell you what to do, except be happy
And hopefully, with me

I know I know I know I know
That you've said that you're not the one for me
But, girl, how can you say that
When you don't know how I feel? or how we could be so free?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

I'm Praying Through The Headache For The Strength To Give Up

I'm going to try this again
And hope it goes right this time
"I love you", whoever you are
Or whoever you claim to be

Ok, good good, we're getting to the point
I'm here to tell you I love you
You're here to hear, and listen to everything I say
Like I'm Jesus preaching to everyone in the world
I only aim to be one of the top three things you're staying alive for
Is that too much to ask, my beautiful little tempest?

Good Lord, you'd think I could make this thing rhyme
Or at least make a lick of sense
Instead I'm just stealing lines from a million other poets
And pretending I live in a fantasy world where the sun always shines
And lollypops and fairys and rainbows dance through the woods

I can tell what you're thinking by the way
The way you look at me and blush when I see you
I've not enough shame to blush when I imagine you undressed
You know that I'm the bad guy, right? because the sweetest talkers
And the most graceful walkers
Are the ones you have to watch out for
And if you think I'm the perfect mate for your soul
Be afraid, I probably faked it

Friday, April 13, 2007

Hearts Beaten, Faster, Faster

It's about time I chimed in with a "no one cares anymore"
As if there wasn't enough depressing junk in the world
Before I decided to write this poem

When I wake up every morning
I have no idea who I'll find in the passenger seat
With her arm around me
But the biggest thrill of the chase is whispering in your ear
And feeling your heart race faster
Faster

And touching your shoulder, your arm, your hand
No, I think the biggest thrill in this chase is
Most probably the part where I blow your mind
Because you've never been this close to anyone in public before
And I can't stand to not make you sweat
It's such a joy to know I'm the one making your heart beat
So fast
So fast

Let's try this again
I move from your shoulder to your hand
Back up your arm, and up to your face
And let's not have a slap this time
You know you want me, what's behind those stained-glass windows
In my eyes
So don't try to hide it from this untestable boy
You hard-living girl

My least favorite kill in this chase
Was the part where I went into shock
And you left me with my brain shutting down
But when you crawl into your cold bed five minutes after midnight
I know the sound of my breath as I stand in your closet is the thing
That's making your heart beat faster
Oh so faster

Thursday, April 12, 2007

I'd Have Something To Tell You, If You'd Care To Pay Attention

I swear to shake your life up
If you swear to pay attention
I'm far too young to have this kind of addiction
And I bet you'd try to gouge out my eyes
If you knew what they said, all the different kinds of lies


I'm all shaken up
And you could tell if you looked close
And payed attention
I'm just a boy who's too young to tell
The difference between wisdom and a last chance at redemption

My hands are shaking
And I wonder if you can do secret things for attention
I just want someone to listen
And give me her affection
But I think there's something my eyes forgot to mention

I'll shake up your world if you swear to listen
Make all your dreams, if not truth, more than fiction
And I can claim to be
The miracle cure for people who are lonely just like me

I throw sad lines at you
Hoping you'll be impressed
While others throw their cheaply perfumed selves at me
Hoping to find me undressed
It's always the same, always old
No one tries anything new

Come Saturday I'll find a new way
Something to bust out of the old cliches
Because for some reason, without me noticing
None of these poems really seem to live

I don't fight fair, because I don't care
And nothing means everything like winning does
An angry mood fits a life led in the dark
I'll trap and execute these feelings, in dark, secret places
Where no one will hear them scream

Monday, April 09, 2007

This Poem Was Written With Poise, Rationality, And Most Especially Desperation For A Hug

I have a question for everyone who's ever taken breath
Or stolen it from right out of my mouth
Can't you ever learn how close the door on reality?
In fact, why don't you just close the door to your heart
And I can seal it in an envelope and send it off to oblivion
Or burn all your hopes and dreams just to keep myself warm

What a shame you never even understood the fact that I would have
Cut off someone else's left hand for you
This is such a moody poem, you'd think I was scared
Scared of telling you who I am
Well, no one wants to do it more than me to do it to you
The greatest piece of meaning I've ever meant to say
Shot to be a number one hit in one of the lower levels of hell
The dead love love of the living
And I'd die for the love of life
I think it's time to close this door

Next time you take a breath, remember someone else wasn't so lucky
And forget the security of lying in bed holding hands with your wife
People die at the worst moments, from kicking the bucket at places from
Weddings to funerals
Why don't you just take the ring, I know from what he did last Saturday
That to him it never meant a thing
Just chuck him in the hole with the other guy
I don't think anyone here really cares anymore

Thursday, April 05, 2007

It Only Gets Harder To Be Respected, If Everyone Knows You're Right

Last summer I scored "good" all across the board
But by last fall, I was a fallen ace
A bruised and broken dream
Through the winter I watched the ice creep
All through the windows in my eyes
Every day, in the newspaper, the cover story claimed to be
"Young, Smart Boy, Cannot Find His Enemy"


Well, you're all just breathing water
And I join you, though it's making me a clown
'Cause I'm the only one who knows he's drowning
Even though my voice just spills and makes no sound
Some say if you rhyme a poem, it loses all its soul
Well, I say that a rhyme-less poem
Just rasps out what is not whole

Now I don't mean to hurt you
I just want to live
But it's so hard to play the game
When all you want to do is give
Just give everyone else victory
And let them win the game
Though to the rules, that is not fair
That's losing, acting lame
I know this makes no sense
But I've done the best I can do
It hurt me to write this, dear reader, just as much
As it hurts you.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Hearts Beat In Union With The Dissonance

This is a love letter to my heart's one true enemy
The one who can always strike it down just a look of the eye
I cried on your couch till I woke the house up
And when I had to explain why I was there,
The poet and hypnotist in me was laid bare
I was lost and won and lost again, like a crown or an island
Still my heart beats, though by all rights it's a dead heart

And my all wrongs are set apart
From all the deeds I didn't do, and all the loves I thought were true
This bullet, dear, I dedicate to you
The powder smells as the bullet tears through the roof
I smell like a sinner, low and aloof
And this letter still writes itself, though by all rights
It's just something I'll put back on the shelf

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

I'm Reading About The After-Life, When I Should Be Working On This One

Shouldn't I know by now that poems are just a headless hammer?
A failed and broken cure for growing older?
All they're good for is showing everyone the way the poets are
Even my best rhymes can't cover it up
Can't cover it up
But I still say
Give me two more weeks and ten Saturday's
And I swear I'll make everything feel ok
I think you're showing me open doors
But the key is still in the lock, and I have no idea if they're open-ended...

On a summer day, you and me
Making our own paradise
But not the one that really matters
I smile when I think of my accidental genius
And frown at all my goodly contrived mistakes
I'm trying to cast off the skeletons on my back
Just remember to remind me why we came before the last song plays

...

Well, that was a nice poem. I think that it's funny, how often I write. I hear lots of good things about my work, but...Sometimes to me it seems like I'm just massproducing sentiment. Is it still meaningful if there's a million other near-copies of the work? Is it still possible to be original, in a world like the one we have today, where the Internet spreads everything out over the entire Earth? Can people still come up with some sacred scrap of cleverness? Am I being original, or just lying in a new way? I don't know. I just don't know. And I don't think I'm anywhere near to figuring it out. So until I do, or don't, I'll just sit here, typing on my keyboard, cranking out hopes, dreams, and words that other people don't have the strength or natural wit to speak.

I still have far to go...I haven't published anything yet. I'm sitting here in my tiny, rented room in the metropolis of the Blagosphere. And what am I doing? Whispering to the world. I really should try to get some of this between the covers of a book. There's far more out there then just a network of blogs....maybe I should try aiming for success in the real world, the one where you live and die. Well, dear audience, back to the play...

...

Is my heart a little more than you bargined for?
I can tell you wanted a cat, but you got a lion
You're taking yourself down, and dragging everyone with you on your way up
There's a loaded gun in the closet, and the crowd in the theater says
"Don't pull it, don't pull it"
Well, you make another notch in the wall to tell the time
But it's seven o'clock according to your watch
If almost none of my metaphors and witticisms make sense
I guess, incoherently enough, I'm still making myself known
Even if it's only through mystery, like why I'm listening to the same song
Three times in the half hour

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Abthirdly Personal

Could you love a man
Who loves with a diamond?
A hard jewel he holds
In the palm of his hand
He's luckier than most
He can take his heart right out of his chest
And look at it
And he sees a man, who has a heart of diamond
He sees it reflected, in the palm of his hand

Would you believe me if I told you
He doesn't want to hurt anyone?
Maybe you could believe something like this
"He just wants to get along, to actually be friends
You know, the kind that never ends
He just wants to say what he really means
And wait for an hour, or more
Just to see her once again"

He'd pick you up when if you went down
If you're knocked down
He's just the one to get you on your feet again
And, he just wants you to know
He lives his life, just dancing on
Hoping all the time for a partner to join him
For just the very next song

Friday, March 30, 2007

Not For The Boys

I've got a question for the person on the street
Who picked up my heart as she walked by
A motion so automatic, she didn't even notice as she did it
Neither did I
So here's my question, that I have to ask
Who are you? where are you?
Do you have space in your heart for a traveler and his pack
Full of things that he'd much rather lack
Broken pieces of dreams once held dear
Crumbs of love, smashed and spoiled
And stupid metaphors such as this?
I'm just another sunken-eyed fool
Searching for bliss
And this, and this
This looks a lot like bliss, even though it's you
So I guess not bliss, just a care-worn happiness
The kind that feels good when you crawl under the sheets after a long
Hard day
And I don't honestly know if I'll ever be that way
And I also don't know if I'm scaring you with these words
If I were me, you, my reader, were she
Would you run and hide from the dark, wild passion inside
Such a youthful, well-spoken, well-read boy?

(But maybe this doesn't really matter, anyway
But then nothing would matter at all, in any single way)

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I S Wnt T Lv Y, Thgh t Nvr Wrks t Rght

I never know how to start a poem without diving into sentiment
So I've started it with these pointless lines
So now, introduction aside
You might read this and wonder, "if he's so taken by me
Why hasn't he called? why hasn't he told me?"
Well, you know I would have
But I've got a lousy arm when it comes to throwing caution to the wind

I'm giving up on myself as we speak
And making a comeback as we part
I hope someday someone will give me the chance to figure myself out
Baby, I hug your image, in my head
And stuff the other side of the bed
I make the Sign of the Cross, touch my heart and hope to die
With a shard from your heart in my eye
And life is a long song, and mine is on on repeat
When I think of all the cliched lines I use to try capture hearts
It makes me want to cry, because I'm such a sensitive man

I'm perfectly aware that things aren't the same anymore
But I try to keep the reality away from my heart
Because it's bad for the resale value if it falls apart
I'd trade my sad-boy blues for your wide-eyed happy girl browns
And give up my anger and frustration for the sigh of contentment
I could pull from the lips of you

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Could It All Just Last Until The Stars Burn Out?

I look at you from my sunken-eyes chair
Smell your perfume on the breeze and taste the wind in your hair
And wonder, you and me; could we last?
Could we taste something so sweet
Could we dissolve into a future past?

And these are just the lovesick moanings
Of a lonely boy with a heart of gold
And a gilted tongue of elegance
Don't you know that I'm only a stitch in time away from you
A single life that wants to prove that it's true
And I carry a scar in the shape of a knife
Men go, get wives
And then waste their life

Could we last?
Could these words actually be spoken?
Could love make its move once again?
Cupid stole my heart
And left it shot in a ditch
And I know that if this sob of a poem catches your ear
Then you must be desperate
Just like me

I just want to tell you that when I see your face
My blood pump bangs and breaks
Blood cells cry for emotion shed
In the form of chemicals and tears
I wonder if you know that your touch upon my arm
Is all my eyes need to dilate

Could we last?
Could love if we did?
Could I if they didn't?
Isn't it better to feel like it's love that killed you
Rather than a lifelong fall?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Memory For Me

The smoothness and grace
Of my hand on your face
The best times always happen when the parting is forever
And you'll always be the person in my dreams
I'll keep your memory, wherever you roam
Far away from me, farther still from home
If you lose yourself in foreign lands
If cold sleet or hot wind bite or burn your perfect hands
I will remember you

And I'll remember you though nations fall
And anarchy envelops us all
I'll be remembering you even as stars fall from the sky
While ice freezes the tears of all those who cry
For the world, and the paradise
And loves such as you and I

I'll remember you, because of compassion
But you'd stay in my mind either way
For the subtle way you've crept inside my heart
Shows me that your soul longs for comfort (which I cannot give
But I'll do my best to shield you) just like everyone else
And the ice is thin, nothing but a mirror
Between people like you, and me
Shivering, shaking, for your memory
I'm blinded by the Light of God
And no more have I strength to waste
As the sun sets for the final bow
I know not where you are, now
But your memory is in my mind
Even as I begin to climb
That long, long golden ladder

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Departure From Style

i know you listened at the door
hand ice cold upon the floor
you couldnt not listen to the lies
with tears in your eyes, you took my words
ones that werent meant to be heard
you weep for the love you thought was lost
and for the heart, cruelly tossed
dont you know i still love you
and always will through thick and thin
right from thought, down through my skin

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Something Good, If It Comes

The tv's on, but nobody's watching
And you turned me on, but you're not watching
You're not taking advantage of the state I'm in
Not choosing to lead me down any path, be it paradise or sin
I'm naked in the snow, you took my clothes away
And left me bare to all
With just a slight scrap of my illusions to keep the cold at bay
Just put me out of my misery
Shoot me in your special way
Love me, leave me
Which is better than having never been loved at all
Take me drinking, I want to drown my sorrows down

You're more experienced than me
You're the cat, and I'm the mouse
And you play with me, oh so gently
Coming close enough to feel me tense
Bath me with your breath
But never breaking skin
You know? this is really something
You're screwing me up, messing with my head
Violence is one more matter of the heart
And you, you're really something

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Oh, The Cold, And Oh, The Snow

This is what they brought me
Wrapped in silk and silence
Sing of what you can never understand
Signs of darkness, sighs of light
Look into my eyes and see the locks laid there
See what stirs in my mind as I lay me to sleep
Mysterious but true, I'll never leave you
And now you can wonder if that's a blessing or a curse

Ice, snow and wind are embedded in my soul
It's carved with patterns old as time
Old as stories by the fire
For years untold I, my ancestors walked in the cold
Grew strong with the snow, grew old with the cold
Cold
Love my body, darling
Hug me close, hold me tight
But don't try to solve the cold inside
It's something you can neither banish nor hide
Just live with the knowledge that is greater than me

I'll give the cold in my eyes
You give yourself to sleep in the cold and the dark
With me
This is a promise of my heart of diamond
And a promise of your life of gold